Ladies and gentlemen, I will admit it - I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in love at first sight, and falling in love in a few minutes. And I always try to create it for myself. I've fallen in love so many times my ass is bruised. And I always scare the man away. I'm dating J now, and for the first time, I think I may be the one that gets scared away. If at all possible, J is more intense than I am. And it scares the shit out of me.
When I met J, the last vestiges of my previous relationship were fading away. (read: we were still sleeping together, but barely speaking.) I was ready to hide in the misery of why it didn't work out, and wonder how long it would be before I had meaningful sex again. Instead, I got J. He call two hours after I gave him my number, and gave me flowers after our first date with a note saying that he'd never forget me. And I pulled away - so far away that I almost lost him.
My emotions are a rollercoaster. After years of therapy, I can control them enough to be functional. Add to that the fact that I'm a good liar, and I get by without too many issues. I can usually hide away my anger and tears until I'm alone, which is a useful skill to have when buying the wrong cheese can set me off when I'm in the wrong mood. J's emotions are crazier than mine. Situations have arisen which have promted me to write apology letters to my exs. (No, they haven't been mailed.) J is not yet a professional at hiding what he's really feeling.
Everytime J and I fight I question our relationship. Sometimes I question it even when we haven't fought. I'm constantly battling the question "Do you think he's The One?" (Is there even "The One"?) I know I love him, and I've never questioned that he loves me. But I still wonder, is love enough? We have so little in common, although we agree on many big things. And he says stupid things sometimes and gets me so angry. Yet, I haven't left. I miss him when I know I won't see him after work, and I sleep better when he's next to me.
So is J "The One"? If such a thing exists, I think he might be. \