"When you were born, your cried & the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way that when you die the world cries and you rejoice." ~Native American Proberb

I read your name and my heart dropped
It said you died and I started to cry
I knew you only for a year so long ago
But enough to know you shouldn't have gone so soon

Reading through the papers I learned you touched so many hearts
So why were you choosen to leave the world so soon?
You were loved by all and loved living life,
So why were you the one to die so soon?

I'll never have a chance to know you more,
And' i'll never understand why God wanted you so soon
The hole of your life will never be filled
But you have woken me up from a dreadful sleep

You've reminded me how important it is to share
all my feelings of joy and love in my life
you are gone along with your beautiful smile
but will live on in the hearts of all who knew you.

Believing The Lies
By Holly Field

I never fit in anywhere,
Living in this world is just not fair

They don�t want me cause I�m not cool,
Telling me I�m the one who�s just a fool

Rivers of tears flow down my face,
Salty puddles soak my pillowcase

I try to sleep to run away from it all,
But even in my dreams I feel so small

I start to believe all the horrible lies,
Thinking there must be a reason for their despise

I must deserve all the hurtful things,
So I take it all in no matter the sting

There�s a flesh colored Band-Aid on my arm,
Covering a scar created in self-harm

I thought it would help the pain of their hate,
If I punished myself for every lie they�d create

(note: this poem IS about me until the last 2 stanzas. Those just came to me and I really liked the way they fit. I don't cut, just so were clear.)

The Hidden Truth
By Holly Field

We bonded so quickly, I thought the friendship would last,
I thought you cared and understood me for who I am,
I really thought you were different, and so unlike the rest,
But I was so wrong, you let our door of friendship slam.

How can you call us friends?
You don�t care at all about me,
You�ll never understand, because you never took the time,
You�re no different from the rest I now can see.

Why did you pretend to care, you could have told the truth.
I finally opened my heart up again, and history was repeated.
I tried to change who I was, but just hurt myself even more.
Being friends was not good enough, cause you were too conceited.

I tried to talk things through, but you just shot me down.
I�m not good enough to be your friend,
What did I do to deserve these lies?
Just stop your game, stop trying to pretend.

Stop trying to fix what you don�t know is broken,
If you can�t bother to ask than what is the use?
I tried to tell you and you said I was wrong,
I want the truth, not another excuse!

I can�t believe I trusted you to be unlike the rest,
You don�t even care if I am ever around.
Why did I even bother trying to be your friend?
I trusted you with everything and you just let me down.

An Everyday Battle
By Holly Field

They told me I was too shy and small,
That sharing my feelings would solve it all.

I took their advice and changed my ways,
I said what I felt only to be shot down by every phrase.

Sharing how I felt, only made it worse though,
Apparently its not right to let the real me show.

They would rather see a lie,
So they can label me as shy.

I shut my feelings down once more,
Made it easier for them to ignore.

This game we played was a circle of lies,
Eventually I stopped much to their surprise.

Being a fake was rotting my soul,
My self-confidence they selfishly stole.

The true me was now a mystery to one and all,
Into my dark and secret world I began to crawl.

Hiding seemed to dull the pain I felt,
In reality my self-worth just began to melt.

I no longer hide in that world I created,
Because who I was becoming I truly hated.

The road out of that world was difficult and scary,
The burdens I held, I no longer carry.

God sent me angels guiding me back into the light,
With such help I began winning the fight.

Even waking up some days is a struggle I admit,
But with God and friends I have learned to commit.

WHY?
By Holly Field

How come some friends are always there,
And others ignore without a care?

How come one friend says lets try again,
Yet never talks to you again?

How can I become
Invisible to everyone?

Do they really care for me,
Or is it another fantasy?

How can they be so unkind to me,
Yet act to others as nice as can be?

How can they treat me the way they do,
And then pretend they never knew?

How many tears do I have to cry,
Before I can stop wondering why?


Always there
By Holly Field

When friends are gone,
And I become withdrawn,
My loneliness begins to grow,
Wondering, will the pain ever go?

But there is someone always there,
Who dulls the pain and despair,
He sits right by me, when know one else will,
And hugs away the awful chill.

Who you may wonder,
Would do all this?
Why Jesus, of course,
My friends, he exists!


A Definition of A Friend
By Holly Field
(I wrote this poem cause a few of my friends taught me what being a real friend is, thanks for always caring and being there for me!)

A friend is there whether you like it or not,
They don�t care how you look, if you�re pretty or smart,
How they want you to act is as yourself and nothing more,
Their love for you never ends, and makes you SOAR!

A Friend never says you are stupid or wrong,
They only try to understand, and to help you along,
A friend is loyal, honest, & true,
They never take advantage, or say �We are through!�

A friend helps to shelter you, from the hard storms of life,
Especially when it all comes at you like a knife!
They�re always there with a hug or tender words,
�Fight� is not in their vocabulary, to them it is absurd!

A Friend treats you with respect, for good friends are hard to find;
When good-byes are said, into your heart it grinds�
A real friend knows that a friendship takes two,
They work at it with all their heart, and if you�re wise, so will you!

Most of this I have learned the hard way around;
But there are a few who�ve shown me, that love can abound.
So thank you to those who�ve taken the time,
To show me �real� friends are out there, though they may be hard to find.


Missing You
By Holly Field
(to a very dear friend)

Dear once-a-former-friend-of-mine,
I hope you are happy and doing fine,
I fear that I am not as fine as I wish you to be,
For our former friendship has left a scar on me.

I remember the times when we were friends,
How the love and trust was never to end,
But somehow, along the line,
Our friendship got torn, and now for you I pine.
You may not ever think of me,
But every day a memory of you I see,
I wish that you would talk at least,
Please don�t let our communication cease!

I have not seen you in over 2 years,
They feel much longer by the day I fear,
It hurts to know that you may not be,
There for me when I need a sheltering tree.

We may never be friends again,
But couldn�t you at least say hello now and then?


Myself Revealed
By Holly Field

Outside the tears have stopped flowing,
But what a raging river inside,
A sense of loss and wonder prevailing,
Forevermore within in my heart it resides.

Too many things all at once,
So much to think about,
Want to have it all make sense,
But instead I just become more confused.

So many feelings I struggle to place,
I wonder will I ever be free,
From all the worry, the doubt, the pain,
That hides the true me from all.

I want to show who I am,
And never regret it one bit.
I want to be the better person,
Whom I know is inside of me.

I may have my struggles,
Just as you have yours,
But I ask you not to judge,
�Cause I am insecure you know�
So this is me inside-out,
Its how I think and feel,
Outside I may look rather small,
But inside my thoughts are rather big.

Please don�t get me wrong,
I�m not trying to say,
That I�m always sad,
And know not what to do.

I just get confused,
From time to time,
But, hey! I�m human, not perfect.
Aren�t you?