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These Jokes will offend most people so don't complain cause y'is were warned ok! |
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--------------------Can't stand the sickness ? Get the outa here ------------------ |
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Jokes
May ( in other words it does ) Contain material that some (most) people would find offensive
Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special
Olympics?
A: Not being retarded
******************************************************
Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia
*******************************************************
Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of
the battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her
*******************************************************
Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
>>>*******************************************************
Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in
>>>common?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A: They don't fucking listen.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A: Gonorrhoea
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A: So women would know what it's like to live with an
>>>irritating
>>> >>cunt
>>> >> > > > > once in a while too.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. She rolls her own tampons.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. Why do fags like ribbed condoms?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. Better traction in the mud.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her
>>>sister.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael
>>>Jackson?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until
>>>he's at
>>>least
>>> >>13
>>> >> > > > > years old.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. Marry it.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. Your ass kicked.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a
>>>hooker?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're
>>>driving.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat
>>>at
>>>thirty
>>> >>miles
>>> >> > > > > an hour.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor
>>>party?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. The cake jumps out of the girl.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole
>>>weak.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. How is pubic hair like parsley?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. You push it to the side before you start eating.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. You know she'll swallow.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex
>>>education
>>>on
>>> >>the
>>> >> > > > > same day in Iraq?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. They don't want to wear out the camel.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a
>>>Jewish
>>> >>wife?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake
>>>jewellery.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf
>>>ball?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch
>>>know
>>>when
>>> >>it
>>> >>is
>>> >> > > > > bedtime?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. When the big hand touches the little hand...
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and
>>>clean
>>>the
>>> >>house?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's
>>>not
>>>time.
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > >
>>>*******************************************************
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
>>> >> > > > >
>>> >> > > > > A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals
>>>that kick.
>>> >
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>
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Q. What were the catholics doing when the prodestants were building the titanic?
A. Building an iceberg
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I'm at the police station.I've been charged for drink driving.My urine sample was positive so i nicked another sample.Now their charging me for "taking the piss"
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If men believed in re - incarnation they would come back as a table cloth because they would get laid three times a day and pulled off last thing at night
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Q. What do you do with 365 used condoms?
A. Melt them down and make a tyre. A GOODYEAR tyre.
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A bloke walks into a maternity shop and asks for a bra for his wife.The assistant replies "What Bust"
the bloke says "THE F*****G CONDOM'
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I'm in the police station.They've charged me with being in possesion of good looks.I'm fucked because theres a shit load of evidence.
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You of out piss the taking is someone that relalise you that point this at is it !! now read it backwards.
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Got any jokes ? Email them to me [email protected] |
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More Jokes |
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It is a word Document.I can't be arsed typing it out again. |
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