By Anam71

January 2000

NC-17 for M/M slash and sex to the n^th degree.

Another PWP featuring Fraser, Vecchio, and a breath mint…trust me on this one.

Disclaimer: I don’t own these guys, and I don’t own Altoids breath mints, okay?

E-mail me at: [email protected]

The pedigree of honey

Does not concern the bee;

A clover, any time, to him

Is aristocracy.

-‘The Pedigree of Honey’ by Emily Dickinson (1830-1886)

A sleek, classic green Riviera pulled up in front of a crappy, dilapidated apartment building, a dwelling clearly not fit for neither man nor beast.

The winos guarded the front entrance of this dump, each a bottle in his hand. They dutifully noted the driver who gracefully exited the classic car and approached their gate.

The handsome, slim, elegant man nodded with a smile and slipped smoothly by to enter the apartment complex of the damned. The refined man was singing a romantic tune.

"… I would be the one… to hold you down… kiss you so hard… I’ll take your breath away…" The smooth voice echoed throughout the dingy urine-stinky hallway.

"Now that’s a man in love," one wino commented to the other.

"I totally agree with your assessment," the other wino replied wisely.

Yeah, they were drunks, but they weren’t stupid.

The cultivated Italian flowingly took the stairs two steps at a time, his long slender legs reaching up easily in such a task. The door of apartment 3J loomed up ahead, and the man’s heart skipped a beat.

Detective Raymond Vecchio then glided exquisitely into the small apartment like a world class championship-figure ice skater.

And there was his Canadian lover at the small kitchen table, reading his father’s musty and boring old journal.

Benny was just so cute sitting there, his head bent, his legs hooked around the chair like some antique Victorian print of a Dickens copyboy, and Ray wanted to knock the Mountie onto the floor and lick his sweet face.

Ray’s blissful thoughts were rudely interrupted as a hyper white wolf knocked him to the floor and licked his sweet face.

"Yech! Gross! Get off me fuzz face! Now!" The detective finally managed to stand on his feet, and indignantly brushed wolf hairs off his expensive garments.

The wolf skulked away into the corner off the apartment; his lupine feelings were hurt.

"Hello, Ray." The Mountie looked up with a wide innocent, sweet, boyish smile and twinkling sapphire eyes.

"Hello Benny, caro mio." The detective stepped up to his seated lover, and placed a tender kiss on top of his pelt.

"I have gift for you, mio bene Benny." The Italian reached into his long gray overcoat, and pulled out a package wrapped in plastic.

Benny snatched the gift quickly out of Ray’s hands and ripped open the plastic. It felt like a holiday Canadian Christmas TV special.

Benny frowned, looking down at the strange object. "Ray, what’s this?"

In his hands, he saw a large brass pad lock, with a bolt and chain, along with little nuts and screws.

"Well, Benny, that is a lock for your door. I got it at a Ace hardware store; it’s top of the line and guaranteed not to rust. Well, that’s what John Madden says, anyway." Ray was very proud of himself.

"Ray, I have no need for a lock on my door…"

"Oh, yes you do, Benny!" Ray folded his arms and stood his ground.

"Really, Ray. I see no need to have a lock on my door and besides…"

"Benny, you have to get a lock for your door! You remember the last time?"

Benny blushed. "I am sure Mr. Mustafi didn’t see anything…" The Mountie now became flustered.

"Yeah, right Benny! Sure!"

"I simply told Mr. Mustafi you were only trying to fix my kitchen sink…"

"With no pants on?" Ray shouted and flapped his arms in the air.

"Well, Ray. It’s like this…"

"And what about last week with the pizza delivery guy?"

"Yes, Ray. I do see your point."

"Oh, thank God! A miracle! Let me call the Pope!"

"Now you’re just being silly, Ray." Benny was now turning the shiny brass lock over in his hands. He came to a decision and slumped his broad shoulders.

"Okay. You win Ray. I’ll put a lock on my door."

"Oh God! Another miracle!" Ray was ready to faint.

Then the Italian slipped out of his fine gray overcoat and out of his fine gray Armani suit jacket, and rolled up the sleeves of his fine blue silk shirt.

"Okay, Benny. Where’s your screwdriver?" Ray was ready to be Mr. Fix-it.

"I do not own one, Ray. I never had the need for one." Benny shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"What! You don’t have a goddamn screwdriver! How am I supposed to screw in this pad lock? With my dick?" Ray was shouting again.

Umm… with his dick. Benny conjured up a mental image in his mind and…

"Yo! Benny! Ground control to Major Benny! You there?" Ray was waving his hands in front of the Mountie’s glazed eyes.

"Oh, sorry Ray." Benny finally snapped out of his kinky reverie.

"I guess I have to get you a screwdriver at the hardware store." Ray sighed and threw the padlock onto the kitchen table, frustrated.

"Speaking of hardware, Ray…" The Mountie got up, slipped his strong arms around Ray’s tiny waist, and began grinding himself into Ray’s groin.

Ray sighed and buried his face into the Canadian’s neck, padlock and screwdriver now forgotten.

The Mountie lifted one of Ray’s artistic hands to his lips, and began to kiss and lick each slim finger.

"Ummm…Ray, you have such beautiful, slender, elegant hands."

"I know I do, Benny. That’s what everybody on TwoAxes say."

"My lovely Ray. I also have a gift for you, just for you." The Mountie breathed heavily.

Ray looked up and grinned. "Oh yeah? You got me something, Benny? It’s not another Inuit voodoo doll, is it?"

Benny shook his head and smiled. "No, not this time, Ray. But in order for me to give you this gift, you have to get naked."

"Naked? Okay, Benny. You’re the brains of this outfit."

Ray then proceeded to strip down, much to the approval of his unofficial partner in crime.

Ray now stood splendid in all his fine naked sexy panther-like glory and stared at the Mountie staring at him.

"Benny? Does this gift of yours require that you be naked too?" Ray sounded hopeful.

"Why, yes Ray. As a matter of fact, it does." Benny just stood there staring at a naked Ray.

"Well, just don’t stand there, get on with it!" Ray flapped his wiry arms again.

"Oh. Understood." Benny proceeded to strip down with a little help from the helpful detective.

"Now where’s that gift of yours, Benny?" Ray wrapped his arms around the Mountie’s neck and kissed his smooth forehead.

Benny took Ray’s hands and pulled him to the bed. "It’s in here, Ray."

The Mountie placed Ray down tenderly on his back on the small, crappy bed. Ray looked up with loving, hazel eyes, and stretched out his arms to his lover.

Benny climbed on top of Ray and straddled his small hips. He cupped the detective’s handsome face with his hands, and kissed Ray’s long, aristocratic nose.

"Benny, my gift?" Ray was now thrusting his body up against the Canadian.

"Oh. Here, let me get it." The Mountie reached over to his night table, and pulled out a small white tin box. He then placed the tin box on Ray’s chest.

Ray picked up the tin box in his hands, and read the label on the top of that box.

Ray stopped thrusting.

On the tin box it said: ‘Altoids: the curiously strong breath mint.’

The cop was indignant, and a little pissed off, too.

"You got me breath mints, Benny? Breath mints?"

"Yes, Ray." The Mountie replied calmly with a wicked, blue, twinkle in his eye.

"Breath mints, uh? You’re trying to tell me something, Benny?"

Ray was hurt now. He took great pride in the fact that he practiced good oral hygiene.

Hmmph! Unlike Benny, who liked to lick disgusting slimy things from off the street!

"Don’t be that way, Ray." Benny now sensed his friend’s mounting distress. "Here, let me show you your gift."

He took the tin box from Ray and opened it. He carefully took out one breath mint, and popped it into his mouth and began sucking on it.

Benny made a slight face as he sucked the candy, and his eyes watered slightly. The candy was extremely minty, and it took a moment to get use to the sharp taste. Well, after all, it did say on the box the mints were curiously strong… curiously so.

Ray just lay there, staring at the sucking Mountie. This is it? This is his gift? Watching Benny suck on a breath mint all night? Jeez! That’s all?

But on the other hand… Benny did look kinda cute sucking away on that mint candy, his lips slightly puckered, and his cheeks pulling in and out.

If Ray just stared long enough at Benny sucking away, he may just cum.

Benny raised his hand to his mouth and spat out the mint into his palm. He then placed the candy gingerly on the sheet besides Ray.

Now what was he up to?

"Benny?" Ray was confused now.

The Mountie then slid down Ray’s thin body and lowered his head over the dark soft curly groin.

"Oh, Benny…" Ray sighed as Benny took Ray’s long shaft into his wet Mountie mouth. And Benny sucked away happily.

If there was one thing that Canadians were good at, it was at giving… Oh God!

Ray resumed his thrusting.

"Caro mio…God! Oh Benny." Ray was enjoying the feel of that warm satin mouth, a tongue caressing his cock so lovingly, and the gentle pressure of teeth on his skin.

Hey, wait! Something weird was happening… Ray couldn’t make out what it was. It was an odd sensation… very, very odd.

A tingling, burning sensation, like burning cold ice, a cold so cold it burns, was now shooting up and down through his cock as if he had been touched by cold, blue fire.

Ray flinched.

Ray screamed.

"BENNY!"

What the fuck was happening to him?

It was just like the X-Files, but rated NC-17.

"Ohmigod! Ohmigod! BENNY!!!" Ray shot his head up to look down at the Mountie, only to see a wicked Benny grinning back up at him.

"Benny! Oh God, what have you done to me?" Ray yelled.

"Well, you see Ray, it’s the breath mint…"

"Fuck you and fuck your breath mint! BENNY! What have you done to my dick?!?!"

Ray was louder now, and Benny was pretty sure that his neighbors and the winos down below could hear Ray’s ranting and raving.

Oh dear.

What has he done?

All he wanted was to have a little fun with Ray. Didn’t Ray say he should be more spontaneous and not so serious all the time? This was fun, wasn’t it? Huh?

Oh dear. This was much worse than that Victoria fiasco!

Ray quieted down slowly, but surely, as the fiery and stinging cold frostbite on his cock subsided.

Fraser just sat there, waiting for another round of verbal abuse `a la Ray.

"Benny? What the hell was that?" Ray finally gasped out, fixing the Mountie with a piercing, green glare.

"Well, you see, Ray, it’s like this…"

"I don’t know what you have done to me, but it was the most fucked up thing I had ever felt!" Ray, being eloquent again.

"Ray, that fu… umm… I mean… that thing you felt was the chemical reaction of the breath mint with my saliva on your skin. You see, the chemical composition of the mint from the plant, Gaultheria procumbens, affects the firing of nerve impulses that…"

"What the hell are you talking about? All I know is, it felt like I dipped my dick into some snow!" Ray flapped his arms a third time.

"Have you Ray? Have you ever dipped your dick in…" Benny’s eyes widened in hope.

"NO! I have never dipped my dick in snow!"

Benny frowned. Oh, well! That was one thing less he had in common with the detective.

He sighed with remorse.

The Italian felt extremely guilty now for the sadness he caused in his Mountie.

How could be so insensitive and so cruel and so mean? He blamed it all on his upbringing and his drunken Pop.

"Hey, Benny. I’m sorry for yelling at ya. It’s just that ya caught me off guard back there."

"Well, sorry Ray. I only wanted to surprise you," the Canadian said shyly.

"Well, shit Benny! Mission accomplished!"

"Sorry, Ray. We can do something else if you want?" Benny went to get up but Ray grabbed him quickly.

"I didn’t mean you can stop doing what you were doing, jeez!" Ray pleaded.

"But I thought you hated what I was doing to you?" Benny was now one confused Mountie.

"I didn’t say that I hated it!"

"But Ray, you said it was the most… uh, you said… uh…"

"Yeah, yeah, I said it was the most fucked up thing I had ever felt, but that is not necessarily a bad thing… I mean, feeling fucked up can be a good thing." Ray was now confusing himself.

"So, what do you want, Ray?" There was a look of hope in Benny’s baby blue eyes.

"I want you to put that mint in your mouth, and suck it hard… then I want you to put my cock in your mouth, and suck it hard." The Italian sat up to kiss his Mountie, then leaned back with his hands behind his head, waiting.

The delighted Canadian took his mint off the sheet, and popped it back into his mouth and happily sucked away.

Ray was just so amazing, Benny thought, he would do anything for his partner and lover.

I’m so amazing, Ray thought, I would do anything for my partner and lover.

And Benny kept sucking away on that mint to recharge his mouth. He kept sucking, and sucking, and sucking…

"Hurry up, Benny! God! I have to be home for supper! Ma will kill me!"

The Mountie quickly spat out the mint and the candy went bouncing off the floor.

He then plummeted between Ray’s legs and delivered another arctic blast to Ray’s cock.

"BENNY!" Ray hiked his hips up to meet the onslaught of Benny’s burning cold mouth.

"Oh God! Oh God! It’s like fucking snow! I’m fucking snow!" Ray had never felt so good at feeling so fucked up!

The icy-electric mouth licked and sucked, and Ray’s shaft became very rigid and frigid.

"Benny! Benny! Benny! My snow man! Benny!" Ray was now wildly thrusting into that frosty mouth and he felt blown away by cold winter winds… literally!

"BENNY!!!"

Ray forcefully came into Benny’s mouth, and it was like liquid fire on crisp ice.

"Benny…" Ray whispered gently.

Ray recovered his senses slowly, well… except in his dick, which was numb cold.

He also had an ice cream headache.

Well, he did ask for it.

"Did you like that, Ray?" Benny asked tentatively, still unsure of himself and the Altoids mint trick.

"Will you marry me, Benny?"

Benny laughed and bent down to kiss Ray full on the mouth…and deep.

It was an interesting taste, Ray thought, tasting a mixture of himself and the mint on Benny’s tongue. Ray now felt the numbing cold of the mint in his mouth.

"Uh, Ray? How’s your, um… dick?" Benny asked timidly, and he was blushing, too.

"It still feels very weird. How long is this supposed to last?" Ray seriously asked.

"I am not sure, Ray. This is the first time I have ever experimented with this. I wasn’t sure it would even work."

"Oh, great Benny! I just love being your little lab rat." Ray kissed the minty Mountie mouth again.

Then Ray started to think. Hmm, since his tingling numb dick was now coated with the sticky mint, was it probable that…?

Ray sat up suddenly and flipped Benny’s body over like a Mountie pancake. The Italian eyed the Mountie’s firm ass with a wicked smile. Ray straddled him.

"Uh, Ray? What are you doing?" The Canadian sounded very nervous. Uh oh!

"I was thinking Benny. If my dick can feel this way… well, maybe your ass can feel this way too."

"Ray, I don’t think this is such a good idea, and besides…RAY!!!"

Benny screamed as his partner penetrated him, and now he received his fair share of that arctic blast.

And things would have gotten more interesting if only that stupid moron Mr. Mustafi had not walked in on them again.

-The End-

Endnotes: I heard about the Altoids mint trick from a friend years ago, but I didn’t believe it. I recently heard about it again on the Howard Stern TV show. So I guess the trick does work? Anyway, this gave me the idea for this very sick story.

Oh, in case you’re wondering…Altoids come in three refreshing flavors: Wintergreen, Cinnamon, and Peppermint.

Knowing the Mountie, he probably choose Wintergreen (Gaultheria procumbens) in this story.

Altoids are distributed by Callard & Boswer-Suchard Inc. (Made in Great Britain). Visit their website at http://www.altoids.com/

Ingredients: Sugar, Artificial Flavor, Gum Arabic, Gelatin, Corn Syrup, Natural Flavor.

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