| The "Voice" of Pain There is a place deep inside me where sometimes I go It's desolate, heavy and pregnant with woe I cease to exist when I'm in this place The wind blows right through me as my flesh becomes lace. The weight of my grief bears down hard on my soul I'm fragmented, broken, no longer whole Trapped in my anguish, I silently scream The tear that I shed, gives birth to a stream. The pain is unbearable and I just want to die It won't go away even though that I cry I'm so full of pain, I'm afraid I'll explode I MUST find a way to get rid of this load! Like vapor, they quietly float up and haunt Vicious ghosts from my past to torment and taunt I sift through those memories, the pain that's my life And needing relief, I reach for the knife...... The light that reflects off the blade beacons me It's playful, seductive and all I can see I drift far away as if I'm asleep I lay the blade to my flesh, I make sure it sinks deep. I pull the knife slowly. My flesh parts, opens wide. I see muscle and veins and tissue inside. As my blood ebbs and flows, caresses the blade, The pain and the memories drain out and fade. My flesh weeps it's blood, like tears from an eye. The pain just goes dead, I can no longer cry. I bind up my wound so that no one can see The shame that dwells at the core of me. If you do not know of this "place" that I speak. Please do not judge me or think that I'm weak. You can't understand this life that I lead. I cut, NOT by choice. I cut, out of NEED. I don't want your pity, ideas or scorn Just understand this is how I was born. So if you see the scars on your neighbor or friend, You'll know it's because their pain knows no end. To those wounded souls that cut as I do I just want to say, "I understand you". We have to learn to let go of our shame. We have to accept that we're not to blame. I look to God now when the pain starts to build. He understands because His Son was killed. He weeps when we weep, His arms He flings wide. We can find comfort, if we just step inside! He'll cradle us gently and wipe all our tears. He'll tend to our scars and take on our fears. He is OUR Father, He's the Holy "I AM" He is Alpha, Omega, the Beginning........ The End. Copyright 2006 Return to Poetry Page |