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Ok all I said that there would be updates so here goes. Last night I talked with Victor online for like three hours. During that time we had a pretty big arguement that I really dont want to go into great detail about. Basically the result was that I was trying to tell him to go find someone better then me; that I was undeserving of his love. Now realize Victor has to be the single greatest man to walk God's green earth. He is the best, even when I told him that I was cheating (after he dragged it out of me) he still wanted to stay with me. This I do not understand. What is so great about me that someone will go through all this pain and torment just to be with me? There are so many better people out there. Why does he want to stay with this one?
I've really been thinking long and hard about this. I have not come to a clear decision about it yet. I have conflicting emotions: "Do I want to stay with him?" or "Can I not handle these feelings at my age?". It is tearing me up inside. I've been walking out of classes,I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a long time and I'm lashing out at people I care about; people that did nothing wrong. I have subscribed to an online dating service and I have had plenty of offers to get with any number of guys. I just can't for some reason though and I can't figure out why. Anyway check back here later tonight for more. |
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