Disclaimer: Tiara, Kagetsu, and all Shamanic Princess characters belong to Mitsuru Hongo, Atsuko Ishida, and Asami Watanabe, not me!
Author�s notes: This is an Alternate Universe fanfic. I have altered all of the plot, relationships, and characters of Shamanic Princess to fit my story!
Treasure in My Life
Chapter 2: Pearls of Doubt [part 3]
"Yay, it's starting," Leon said as the lights in the room went off and a bright light illuminated the stage.
I guess the concert was starting with the solos, since the first person up was an attractive young man playing a very nice, sultry jazz tune on his alto sax. There were a few more after him, and finally, it was Lena's turn.
She walked onto the stage gracefully, confidently, a silver flute in her petite hands and a calm, sweet smile on her face. I swear that my mouth gaped open when I saw her.
She was beautiful.
Don't get me wrong, Lena's definitely a really pretty girl. I mean, come on, practically half of our senior class would throw themselves onto a puddle so she could walk all over them in a heart beat. Guys showered her with love letters, flowers, and sweet words� and I'm not even talkin' about only Valentine's Day here. I've always been jealous of her for that� I know guys liked me too, but there was something about me that scared them off, that made me seem unapproachable�
Or, at least that's what I tell myself.
But Lena was just so sweet, smart, friendly, and gentle, so the guys totally flocked to her.
She was perfect.
But even so� All of that jealousy I felt towards her in high school�
Multiply it by 10,000, and that's what I'm feeling right now.
I can't really explain it� She was truly shining on the stage, like a brilliant star. First off, her dress was amazing� and she looked amazing in it. She was wearing a pearl white evening gown that was slim, slinky, and sexy� It had a short sleeves and a simple deep v-neck cut that bared her shoulders. The skirt was long, nearly reaching the floor, and it was accented with a flirtatious cut up the left side, teasing the onlooker with a view of her long legs. The dress sparkled in the light, giving her a magical glow. Her long, deep green hair was down, as usual, giving her a maiden-like beauty. The only accessories she wore were her glittery white dress sandals and a single shining pearl that adorned a silver chain around her neck.
She said softly, "Thank you, everyone. The piece that I am about to perform is titled 'The Promise of Forever,' a composition that I wrote myself while enrolled in this wonderful class, Music 104, taught by the brilliant Mr. LePerle. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoy playing it." With that graceful, modest introduction, Lena placed her lips on her flute and began to play.
Now I was completely enchanted.
Her song was absolutely breathtaking. The sweet sounds of her flute soothed my soul, sparked my imagination, and warmed my heart. Her song was a song of dreams, of longing, of love�
Dressed in a slim dress, her long green hair resting on her shoulders, a pearl adorning her chest, and playing a sweet, melancholy melody on her flute�
She was like a beautiful mermaid, playing a song that was meant for the stars.
I sighed softly under my breath. I suddenly remembered where I was, and I looked at my right to glance at Leon. His lips were curved in a dreamy smile and his soft eyes were filled with warmth and awe. Could he still have feelings for her, like he did in high school? It definitely seems like it�
I whispered to him, "She's amazing."
He looked at me and smiled, "Yes, she is."
I nodded smiling, "I'm glad I came."
"Yeah, me too. It's great that you came to see her on such an important day." He reached out and put his hand on top of mine, squeezing it gently.
Wh� what? I was glad for the darkness of the theater compared to the stage. I don't think Leon could see that his action made my cheeks redden just slightly�
I nervously turned to my other side, trying to distract myself from the fact that Leon was close to holding my hand. But, I was surprised by what I saw�
Kagetsu was staring intently at Lena, moved by every note she played, by every move she made. He was lost in a trance, captivated by her musical spell� He had a sweet, tender smile on his face� a smile that reached his deep brown eyes, a smile that was genuine and real and�
And�
I turned abruptly away from him.
I felt that oh-so-familiar twinge of jealousy surge through me.
If the way he was looking at her doesn't prove that he likes her, I don't know what will.
I mean, after all� He used to look at me like that�.
Even though at the time, I didn't want anything to do with that�
Even though at the time, I didn't even know that he liked me�
I bit my lip nervously, anxiously. I guess I have to just accept it� don't I? Kagetsu and Lena would be so happy together�
Lena finished her song and bowed her head to the audience, beaming with pride as everyone clapped loudly, enthusiastically for her. Lena suddenly spotted us and waved shyly, her cheeks warming with embarrassment.
I smiled. Aw, that is so Lena for you.
She's so happy right now� This moment totally just reflects the peaceful happiness that's she's been feeling for the past few months or so. Things are just going right for her. Lena's been doing really well with her classes, pulling off a really good GPA for her first year of college so far. She's obviously doing great with her flute playing, and she's only going to get even better and better at it. She seems to have made a nice, fun group of friends at her school, since she tells me about them all the time. Even so, she definitely hasn't lost touch with Leon and me, and especially not with Kagetsu, who she keeps on getting closer and closer to�
She's just so happy� And I'm happy for her.
I snapped out of my reverie and noticed that Lena's attention was focused on one person� I followed her stare to find that she was gazing at none other than Kagetsu� and that he was gazing right back at her.
My fingers tightened their grip on my armrest.
Okay, so maybe it's going to be harder to be completely happy for her than I thought.
I stole another glance at Kagetsu� There was a glimmer of� something� in the deep, mysterious seas of his eyes�
My heart tightened a bit in my chest.
Okay� maybe it's going to be a lot harder�
~*~*~
After the rest of the night's concert, we met up with Lena. She hugged me tightly when she saw me, exclaiming, "Tiara! It's been such a long time!"
"I know! Aren't you just so surprised to see me?" I grinned at my old friend.
She giggled, "Of course I am! Especially considering someone still has finals to study for�" She teased.
I laughed nervously. "Oh yeah� I guess I should be doing that, huh? But there was no way I'd miss this."
"Aw, you're such a sweetheart," Lena put her arms around me and hugged me again.
I giggled.
Leon chuckled, "Are you girls gonna stop smothering each other so we can get going?"
Kagetsu, Lena, and I laughed. "Okay, we can talk in the car, Lena, but I think Leon misses his Mommy and wants to go home."
The young man pouted. "Hey!!"
I stuck my tongue out at him playfully.
Leon glared at me.
We all laughed and got into the car, Lena and me in the backseat. We smiled at each other and just talked and talked, catching up the way only old girlfriends can. Even though I haven't seen her in months, I still feel so comfortable with her. It's almost like we never parted ways a little less than a year ago when we went to our own colleges, to start our own lives. And yet� even though we're still really close, there was one thing that pushed me a little further from her, that separated my heart just a little bit from hers with an invisible wall� it was the one thing that was left unsaid between us�
But maybe we couldn't really talk about that since he was kind of in the car with us�
"You were really great tonight Lena!" I complemented her again. "You thinking of majoring in music or something?"
Lena blushed slightly, embarrassed for the like the millionth time that night. "Thanks, Tiara. I would love to pursue a career in music, but I'm not sure if I have what it takes. It's a really competitive world out there�"
"But I know you could do it," I interrupted.
She looked a bit taken aback by my seriousness. "I� I just don't know�"
I refused to give up. "I mean, if you think you'd be happy as a flutist someday, I say go for it. All you have to do is get your degree in music, then you can get into a music school and from there, you're set!"
She looked away for a moment, glancing out the car window and into the empty night sky pensively. "Maybe�"
I couldn't help but feel worried. This so isn't like her. She's always followed her heart before anything else. She has always stuck by what she's believed in and never was one to let other people tell her that what to believe, what to feel, what to do.
I've always admired her for following her heart� Lots of times, I find myself running from mine�
"You can't just give up on it Lena! Can you see yourself being happy doing anything else? I saw that look in your eyes when you were up on that stage. That's all I needed to see to know�"
"Tiara, please, can we not talk about this anymore?" Lena still wasn't looking at me, but her voice grew softer, quieter.
"I can't stop, Lena. I hate seeing you like this!" I blurted out.
She suddenly turned back to me, her brown eyes pleading� sad. "Please."
That look surprised me. It took me a few seconds before I slowly nodded okay. For the next few moments� or maybe for the next few centuries� there was a still silence in the car. During my talk with Lena, I had forgotten that the guys could hear every word that we said. Maybe I went a little overboard? I don't know� I was just trying to help�
What's so wrong with wanting the best for my friend?
"We're here," Leon said softly. We had gotten to his house, so he started to get up and leave. He got looked back at us girls in the backseat and smiled. "Good night you two, take care until I see you again." We said our goodbyes and then he waved, calling out to Kagetsu, "Thanks for the ride, I'll see you later."
We continued the drive until we reached Lena's place. She gave me a soft smile, "It was really nice seeing you again, Tiara. I'll call you later, and I will see you during the summer, okay?"
I smiled back at her. "Sounds good to me. It was great seeing you too."
Before she left, she leaned over and whispered in my ear, "And about what we discussed earlier� I'm not like you, Tiara. I actually have my doubts."
What? Lena�
She smiled weakly at me and I saw it once again� I saw the sadness there in those brown eyes.
Kagetsu opened the door for her and he walked her to her home, leaving me alone with my thoughts and a sudden wave of jealousy. I almost wished that I could hear what he was saying to her�
I shook my head. Come on girl, don't be like that! You sound silly!
He came back and started the ignition. After maybe five minutes or so of driving he said, "You could have been less stubborn before."
I blinked. "About Lena?"
"Yeah�" He pulled onto my driveway and stopped the car, but made no motion of getting out yet. He turned to look at me. "Of course she wants to be a flutist, but she has a sense of realistic practicality� Unlike someone I know�"
"What was that?" I was getting kind of annoyed at him. Why was this any of his business anyway?
"I'm just saying that Lena knows her own strengths and potential best."
"Well I'm just saying that I think that Lena's is letting herself get scared out of doing her best and living her dream. I know it will be hard, but all she has to do is work even harder and she has it!"
He sighed. "Life isn't that black and white, Tiara. Just because you want something bad enough, sometimes you just don't get it."
I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. "You believe that? Tell me one time when that has happened to you."
His voice grew quieter, but not softer� It sounded harsh, cold even. "I wanted you, didn't I?"
That stunned me. I felt like the world stopped moving at that moment� And just when it stopped, I felt like I was hurled forward just like when someone is driving too fast and they suddenly stop, making the passengers lunge forward in their seats.
He turned away, embarrassed or angry, I couldn't tell which. "You're still the same na�ve, headstrong girl you were a year ago. You can't see that reality isn't something that you can always control, that you can always shape. You never change�"
My eyes narrowed. "And is that a bad thing? I might not be as 'realistic' as you, but at least I'm not so jaded that I give up whenever there is a bump in the road! At least I still believe in my friends!"
"I do believe in her. But�" He paused for a moment, collecting himself, before continuing, "There's a lot that you don't know, that you don't understand�"
"What are you talking about? Did something happen�" My voice started to trail off.
"Never mind that. Just, don't push her too hard on the matter, okay?"
I don't understand� Why was he making me out to be the enemy here? "� Okay."
"Thanks."
We sat for a few minutes in silence, and then I said, "I'd better go now�"
"Okay, let me walk you to your door."
We walked in silence, and then I murmured a good night to him, not looking up at him, not meeting his face. Just as I put the key in my door, he put his hand on mine.
My heart skipped a beat. "Kagetsu?"
"� Um� It was nice to see you again, Tiara."
I smiled but didn't turn around. I was afraid of what he would see in my eyes� "You too. But I'm tired, so I'm just gonna get some sleep."
"Good night then."
I waited until I heard his footsteps leave the porch and walk down the driveway. I opened the door and walked into my dad's house, not bothering to turn on the light. I shut it behind me and sunk down to the chilly tiled floor, confused and tired�
I leaned back against the door. What does he mean when he said that I didn't change? Should I have changed? How dare he call me na�ve! Just because I'm an optimistic person, doesn't mean that I'm a na�ve little girl� I think realistically sometimes, I do! Just because I'm not as negative and pessimistic and jaded and just cold like him, doesn't mean that I'm na�ve and silly and stupid�
Is that what he really thinks of me? Is that what he's thought of me all along?
Ack, this is making my head hurt� I'm just jumping from incoherent thought to incoherent thought� But there was one thing that really nagged me about my conversation with him� Maybe it's something that I've always been thinking, but it took me this night with my old friends to realize it�
Why haven't I changed?
Why does it seem like everyone else is moving on� past our old lives in high school together and right into a brighter and better future? First there's Leon being so serious and determined about his major, like with that internship he had. Then there's Lena "realistically" deciding to put her dream of becoming a musician on the shelf to instead pursue some major she might not even like. There's also the fact that Lena has talked to me so much about all these new friends and people that she's met, while honestly, the only real new friends that I've made are my three girlfriends at school�
And of course, there's Kagetsu moving on from loving me to loving Lena�
I drew in a deep breath and wiped my tears with the back of my hand.
Funny, I didn't even know I was crying.
Why do I feel like everyone else is leaving me behind? Why do I feel like everyone is running 10 steps ahead, while I'm falling 50 steps behind?
Lena� I do have my doubts.
I doubt what I want to do with my life. I doubt what I want to do for my future career, and I even doubt what to pick as my major right now. I doubt what my feelings are for Kagetsu now that I've been a year apart from him. I doubt my relationship with you, and wonder why I am always so jealous of you.
And most of all, I doubt myself. I don't know if there might be a little truth to Kagetsu's accusations of me being too na�ve or too stubborn or too "black and white"� But somehow�
I think I'm starting to believe him.
Shaking my head, I made my way up to my room in the dark, wanting nothing more than a good night's sleep to silence all these confusing thoughts in my head.
Chapter 3, soon
Author's Notes: Sorry I haven't updated this story in a while! Yesh, I'm pretty bad with my fic writing. >.< I'll try to be better! Maybe after I'm done with classes this year� Well, I hope y'all liked it! Stay tuned for when I continue it, because this is gonna get a lot more soap-operay than it is now! =P
Yuna's page
Email Yuna