Near the town of Fountain Colorado lived an impressive colony of gophers, at least the people of Fountain thought they were gophers. Maybe it was the water or perhaps the public smoking ban, but for some reason they knew nothing of the feared midget living so close to their small and easily conquered town. We may never know the real reason but the good people of Fountain(God rest their souls) never saw their inevitable doom at the hand of a large and imposing horde of midgets. One theory does posses some value and validity, it is thought that the outrageous number of animal rights laws along with numerous protection acts covered the gophers so well that they couldn't even be studied, therefore were never seen for what they really were…midgets. This is that story.

One particularly cloudy morning two local teenagers decided they would have a little teenage mayhem and fun by ignoring all the EPA protection laws and shoot a few of the gophers (protected by said laws) near their small town. They proceeded out to the colony with a small armament of .22 caliber long rifles and a well beaten Ford Tempo. The carnage was unreal as ignorant gopher after gopher met an untimely end from a hollow pointed high velocity lead round. After their actions the two youngsters found themselves elbow deep in lawsuits from the very gophers they shot. The lawsuits were filed and promptly dismissed by a local judge on the basis that, well, a gopher can't file a lawsuit.

The gophers enraged by this and unable to accept a ruling handed down from a court that also gave trees more rights then humans stormed the small town declaring war on Colorado (midgets do not have the brain capacity to fathom anything larger than Colorado, or else America may have been the country under attack instead of a state). The citizens of Fountain, even though each one was quite well armed, were defeated. It should be noted that the Fountain Fort Carson High School tennis team put forth a valiant effort but was unable to vanquish their foe, as usual. Soon after the defeat of Fountain the two boys who originally shot the midgets gave birth to the Federation Against Midgets and thus FAM was formed. The first battle was fought by a small militia of disgruntled Albertson's employees and the surviving members of Fountain. They were no match for the well entrenched horde and returned with fewer than half their numbers arriving. Badly injured and half dead the General dragged the President's body away from the battle after the President's legs had been badly chewed. The President never stopped firing his pistol and the General managed to also continue firing his .45 revolver while dragging him to safety.

America finally decided something must be done and promptly launched an offensive. Peterson Air Force base launched full fledged aerial assaults along with a large ground assault from neighboring Fort Carson . Although too late to save much of southern Colorado Springs and any of Fountain they still managed to form a front line with the tactical expertise of the wounded teenagers. For it was their destiny to know the enemy. Seeing as a conventional army was no match for such an enraged foe FAM was formed lead by their beloved General and guided by the all knowing President.