Uncertain and shadowed,
Sometimes searching my eyes,
And only meant for me.
Those long lashes, and the long brown hair,
I have seen for a year, though for months
I never truly saw you at all.
Sometimes, I still hear your familiar voice,
When I read that particular passage
In that particular novel.
A story that I hated with such passion,
Which I finally learnt to love
For the sounds of a ghost not yet dead �
A memory from today, and a time before.
Illegal, intellectual love, yet not quite
Love. Perhaps infatuation?
Illegal, intellectual infatuation, then.
A one-sided routine of stolen glances,
Of cherished moments and flippant remarks
Adored for their spontaneity, and because
We were always interrupted, too soon.
And that evening of slim, stylish bodies,
Falling into a night of innocent touches,
Of confidence fuelled and desires inflamed.
My body next to yours, in the flashing lights; your body
So beautiful, swaying, moving, held in my gaze.
Though perhaps you never felt it as I did.
Perhaps you never felt it at all.
I have so many things to tell you,
Because I want you to know who I am,
And how you inspire me.
My sorrow is that our tales will remain untold,
For we are of two worlds.
But let me thank you, for guiding me
Through this year of judgments, and beyond.
Yesterday it ended; collective relief,
Though my joy was reserved, detached, saved.
I gifted my triumph to you, and we shared
In that moment, an ecstasy, a victory
Which sundered all barriers,
But alas, too brief, too transient;
And it lives on only in my mind.
So now the final farewell is approaching,
Uprooting me from all I have ever known.
Our wasted year together seems so uncertain.
By nature, illusion is far inferior to reality,
Yet when reality descends, dreams are my only refuge.
Shall I keep you, sweet memory, forever a dream?
Or will you promise to hold me�
And thus end all dreams, forever.
� Lishesque
8:40 pm Saturday 30th October 2004
Kiss me with those rouged lips.
My eyes are always upon you.
Believe my words, for I have nothing else
To give. My hunger devours. Tonight,
I care about nothing. Nothing but you.