The Feather is Mightier
Disclaimers:
Firstly, this is a Xena/Voyager/VJB crossover spoof so if that ain't
This story involves romance, love and all that good stuff between women, so if love is illegal where you live you'd better find someplace better to live before reading this.
Xena and Voyager
don’t belong to me, and I’m not making a cent out of
Feedback: is welcome at [email protected]
Oh yeah. All characters (including the fish) are fictional and any resemblances to real people are purely intentional. *grin*
****
Part 1
Q smiled. Yes,
her plan would work. She had been
watching Voyager for the past two months and was pleased as she saw the
friendship between Seven and B’Elanna grow.
But now she was bored. Things
were coming along nicely – too nicely, and much too slowly.
So she had devised a nice little plan.
Smiling slowly, she sat back, propped her feet up and prepared to watch
the fun unfold.
****
“Hey Seven,” B’Elanna called as she caught
up with Seven. “Take a look at
this.”
“What is it?”
“It’s called a ‘scroll’... humans used it
on earth in the past, thousands of years ago.
I’m starting to like these better than PADDs”
Seven raised an eyebrow, waiting for her friend
to elaborate.
“I love starting a new scroll... the feel of it
in your hands... the look, so clean, so perfectly empty.
Listen – the way it crinkles the first time you open it.
That smell... it’s just a special untouched scent.
Try it, Seven.”
The borg sniffed at it daintily.
“It smells like musty old leather to me.”
Seven noticed that B’Elanna looked rather cross
after her latest statement and hurried on. “What is its purpose?”
“Oh. Well...
it can be used to record data...” B’Elanna
produced a quill from somewhere. “With
these.”
“That is a feather.”
“No, it’s called a quill.”
“It is a feather, B’elanna.
Why do you have a feather?”
“Quill.”
“Feather.”
“Quill.”
“Feather.”
“Quill!”
Seven simply looked at B’Elanna with an
expression that said “I am Borg. I
have assimilated countless feathered species.
I should know a feather when I see one.”
B’Elanna glared back.
“Damnit Seven, it’s not just any feather.
You can write with it... look...” The
half-Klingon proceeded to carefully write a word on it.
/Seven/
“That’s your name,” B’Elanna said
proudly, “The Doctor has been giving me writing lessons.”
“I see.”
Seven looked less than impressed.
“What, you don’t like it?”
A tinge of annoyance coloured B’Elanna’s voice.
“I...”
She tried to mollify B’Elanna.
“Well?”
Seven shifted uncomfortably in a decidedly unborg-like
manner. “It uh... just seems a
little inefficient to me.”
One look of B’Elanna’s face told Seven that
she had said the wrong thing. Enraged
Klingons... even enraged half-Klingons were never a good thing.
“Inefficient?
/Inefficient??!/”
Seven opened her mouth to apologize but at that
exact moment...
“Janeway to Seven.”
Seven looked extremely relieved at the
interruption. “The Captain needs
me... we will continue this conversation at a later time.”
And with that, she fled the wrath of a very pissed off B’Elanna.
****
B’Elanna stormed into her quarters and tossed
the scroll onto her bed. Fuming she
paced around the room.
That damn borg... nothing was good enough for
her, was it? Inefficient this,
inefficient that. No, nothing was
good enough. ‘It’s a feather.
Ooooh, the Captain needs me now, I have to go run to my precious Captain.’ Damn
borg.
B’Elanna sighed and sat down on her bed.
She liked Seven but by Kahless did she get on her nerves sometimes.
‘Well, no matter,’ B’Elanna thought, ‘I
don’t need her anyway.’ The
engineer retrieved her discarded scroll and looked at it.
Seven. Why had she gone and
written that? A nice fresh scroll,
spoiled now, with a single word. All
she could do, apart from discarding the scroll completely, was work the name
into whatever she was going to write, somehow.
B’Elanna was calmer now, although still somewhat peeved at her friend,
and she decided to focus her energy and frustration into something productive.
With that thought in mind, and a wicked grin on her lips, she picked up
her pen and began to write...
/Seven had gone fishing.
A lone warrior, B’Elanna, awoke with a jerk as five borg drones beamed
onto the bridge. Twirling her trusty
battleth, she delivered kicks with such fury.../
As B’Elanna wrote, she began to feel sleepy.
Yawning, she carefully placed the scroll and pen aside and climbed into
bed.
Unbeknownst to her, Q was watching, and laughing
delightedly.
****
B’Elanna awoke with a jerk.
“Tom? What
the hell are you doing in my bed? We
broke up three months ago!”
Tom continued snoring.
Looking around, the chief engineer noticed that she was in her bed, which
happened to be situated in a very empty bridge.
At that moment, five borg drones beamed aboard Voyager and began to
advance upon our hero and the unsuspecting jerk.
B’Elanna sprung up, and snatched up her trusty battleth which for some
reason was at hand. She twirled it
about expertly. “Tooomm,” she
called, “We have company.”
No response.
Shrugging, B’Elanna turned to face the drones.
She executed a perfect backflip, elbowed one in the optical implant, and
delivered kicks with such fury that the five borg drones were driven back.
“She is too much for us.”
One of Five said, alarmed. “Persistance
is futile – we must retreat.” The
drones disappeared at once, in flashes of green light.
B’Elanna suddenly felt a little strange and
swooned on her feet. What had
happened? Her state of daze was
broken when she heard an unflattering snort behind her and she turned around to
find that the helmsman had awoken.
“Tom?”
“Ugh. Huh?”
“Did you see that?
Backflips! Wait... I don’t
do backflips.” B’Elanna looked
around. “Where is everyone?”
A pause. “Who were those--?
Why are you--? Wait a minute.”
Tom just blinked at her, looking confused as she
retrieved her scroll and looked at what she had written.
“/Seven had gone-- the lone warrior, B’Elanna--
five borg drones—she started twirling her trusty battleth, delivering kicks
of-- such fury... I wrote this.”
“Whoa whoa... waitwaitwait, are you saying that
anything you write in there comes true? Excuse
me while I laugh.” Tom laughed.
“Hold this for a sec would ya, Tom?”
The half-Klingon handed her Battleth to him and once again picked up her
quill. As she wrote in the scroll,
Tom began to act strangely. First he
tripped himself with the Battleth he was holding.
Upon getting up, he began to bash himself over the head with it, uttering
an “ow!” with each hit. B’Elanna
decided to take pity on the poor guy and finished the sentence that she was
writing. But she couldn’t resist
adding one more thing in. Next to
her, Tom suddenly turned green and spotty.
“Hey, why did I just hit myself with your
Battleth?” he asked, incredibly disturbed with what had just happened to him.
“Because I wrote you did.”
B’Elanna said simply. She
grinned widely showing her teeth. “I
can write anything, and it comes true... I could write us back to the alpha
quadrant.”
At that moment, Tom realized something.
“How’d I end up in your bed anyway?
What did you write to bring me here?”
His face brightened all of a sudden.
“Did you write something like... B’Elanna appeared with... a guy with
the heart of a lion, best helmsman in all four quadrants of the galaxy... that
sort of thing.” Tom took the
scroll and began to read from it. “Seven
had gone fishing. B’Elanna awoke
with a jerk. B’Elanna awoke with a
jerk – now that’s a funny phrase.” He
quickly scanned the rest of it, concluding “Nope, I can’t find anything.
I must have come here on my own.”
B’Elanna was smirking, which confused Tom even
more. “So uh... what do we do now?”
he asked.
“We go and find the Captain.”