Fallen Star
Disclaimers: Voyager and Xena belong to Paramount and Universal respectively. I'm not making money out of this - just having some fun with the characters.. This story contains love between women so if that offends you or it's illegal where you live, go read something else (or move). There's also angst and some violence.
Feedback: is welcome at [email protected]
SPOILER WARNING: You might want to skip this if you haven’t seen the Xena finale.
I’m dedicating this one to Jean for being the best beta reader – couldn’t have done this without you, thanks. :) I'd also like to thank Sonja for the ever so pretty graphic.
****
Seven was lying on her back, wondering what death felt like. Would she know when the moment came? Or would she just cease to exist - perhaps her consciousness would just disaappear - unexpected, sudden. She was not afraid, it would just be another section in her life - she could always adapt, even in death. What bothered her was how B'Elanna would fare. She knew that her beloved would be damaged terribly when she died. Already, the half Klingon was functioning below acceptable levels - she rarely left Seven's side, sleeping only three to four hours a night and hardly eating anything at all.
B'Elanna was asleep now, exhausted from a stressful day of looking after Seven, watching the woman's body slowly deteriorate. As she watched B'Elanna sleep, Seven decided that the love between them was the only thing she would regret losing, it was the only thing that now kept her anchored to this earth. It made her heart ache to think that soon, she would never again behold the sight of her beloved's face, nor ever hear her Lanna's sweet voice calling out her name. They would never be able to make a home together, or raise children... there were so many experiences she wanted to share with B'Elanna, but never would have the chance to. It hurt to know that they would lose each other so soon.
Seven felt cold and could not stop shivering even though a large fire was roaring in the middle of the room. All her implants had begun to fail the day before, and now she was losing the vision in one eye. It had only been two days since she collapsed, and it frightened her that everything was beginning to shut down so quickly. She'd thought that her Borg enhanced body was more resilient. Why was it so cold? She tried to suppress her uncontrollable shivering, not wanting to awaken B'Elanna.
The half Klingon's brow furrowed as she slept and with an effort, Seven lifted her right hand to gently touch the ridges. My love, she thought, How I wish we could have more time. A tear slid down Seven's gaunt, alabaster cheek and fell onto B'Elanna's hand.
"Seven?" B'Elanna's eyes fluttered open, blinking in confusion. She looked at the teardrop on her hand, then lowered her head and licked it off. "You're crying..." Her thumb softly brushed away another tear from Seven's face. "Are you afraid?"
"No," she replied in a faint voice, then cleared her throat, "No, I'm not afraid of dying... I just... I wish I didn't have to leave you so soon. I'll miss you, beloved."
"I'll miss you too, BangwI." B'Elanna held her lover closer. She closed her eyes, treasuring the soft tickling of Seven's breath against her neck. A small silence descended before she spoke up again, "You know the dream I told you about? The one with the blonde woman who would sing to me?"
Seven nodded weakly, barely moving her head.
"I dreamt of her again... It was- " her voice cracked, "It was you, Seven... you were falling down the chasm and I couldn't hold on... Damnit." She closed her eyes. "I don't want to lose you."
Seven didn't know how to reply. She wanted to tell B'Elanna that she wouldn't lose her, but that wasn't true. They both knew that Seven would soon die; it was just a matter of time. She sighed and held B'Elanna closer; "I love you." She whispered.
"I love you too."
Neither women spoke much for the rest of the night - Seven was too weak to do much and drifted between consciousness and sleep. B'Elanna held the shivering woman in her arms, rubbing her back gently in a soothing motion. Together, they waited for the inevitable.
*******
We sat outside their cabin, knowing they needed time alone. It would be the last hours they had with each other. Xena was agitated - it was obvious in her stance and by the way she repeatedly threw her chakram, letting it rebound off the trees before catching it. Sparks flew as it slammed into a rock wall, the strength of Xena's fury driving the weapon deeply into the stone. She hated being inactive, even more; she hated being helpless as she watched Seven slowly die. Always before, she had found a solution - a way to save the day... why couldn't she save her friend now? Her eyes narrowed and she suddenly sprang to her feet. "Ares!" she called loudly. I stiffened as I realized what she was about to do.
"Xena, no!" I cried.
"Ah, Xena. Always a pleasure." The god of War materialized with a blaze of blue flames, clad in his usual black leather but sporting some new sideburns. He sauntered over to Xena's chakram and plucked it from where it was lodged in the rock. Twirling the weapon around on his finger, he approached us "What can I do for you today, my dear?" He glanced at me. "Still have blondie with you I see."
My warrior snatched the chakram away and returned its place on her hip. "Her name is Gabrielle." She ground out, then looked away for a moment before clenching her jaw and meeting his eyes; "I need a favour from you."
"Oooh, the warrior princess needs a favour now." He chortled gleefully, "What's it worth to you?"
"What do you want, Ares?"
"What I've always wanted. Really, Xena, you should know by now." He paused. "I want you to be my warrior again - the Destroyer of Nations - my Queen...&quuot; He looked dismissively at me; "You can even keep the irritating blonde, although Hades knows why you would want to."
I glared daggers at him. He smirked.
"Can you do what I ask though?" I couldn't believe Xena was willing to bargain with him.
"What, save the borg woman? Sure thing. There's plenty of ambrosia stashed up on Mt. Olympus - that should save her. I'll just pop up there and give her some."
"No, you will not." A deep voice interrupted their conversation, saving Xena from the dilemma of choosing what to do. The imposing figure of Zeus, king of the gods, had appeared behind Ares and was bearing down upon him.
"I've had enough of you messing with mortal affairs." He thundered, glaring at his son, "And you will definitely NOT be changing the destinies of these women. The two aliens are from a different universe - you are forbidden to do anything for them."
Without another word, Zeus grabbed Ares' shoulder and the two immortals disappeared with a blaze of fire, leaving Xena and I to stare at each other.
"Would you really have accepted his terms?" I wanted to know. Would she have left me and gone back to Ares if Zeus hadn't interceded?
Xena sighed and sat down again. "No... Even if I had wanted to, I couldn't." She looked at me, "I would never leave you for him - you know that, right?"
"Not even if it would save Seven?"
Xena usually proud shoulders were slumped, "No... It would have done more harm than good. As much as I want to save Seven, I wouldn't subject the world to me again... not with Ares influencing my every action... I just felt I had to do something for Seven, you know?"
I just nodded, taking a seat on the log next to her. We sat together in quiet, pensive contemplation for the rest of that day. Food was the furthermost thing from our minds at the time, and sleep was out of the question... we were both too distressed about Seven's condition. The day stretched on, finally descending into darkness as night stole over the forest quietly. Even the wildlife seemed subdued, there was not a rustle in the undergrowth, the nightingales were mute - not even a cricket chirped. It seemed as if a silence had covered the world, smothering everything.
Then, a candlemark before the first pale rays of sunshine creeped over the treetops, signalling the dawn, the silence was brutally shattered. The heartrending howl that came from inside the cabin made the hair on my bare arms stand up on end, and caused tears to flood my eyes. The timbers of the cabin shook from the intensity of it and the previously silent birds took to the air in panic. It seemed as if it would last forever. Finally the death-cry abated, giving way to the helpless sobbing of a woman who had lost her soulmate. It was over... Seven of Nine was dead.
*******
B'Elanna looked up, "What is it?" she snapped irritably, annoyed at the interruption to her work.
"Uh... we, we're... you need a break Lieutenant." The timid ensign stuttered out nervously. "You've been here since alpha shift... that's 16 hours straight you've been working nonstop. We're just worried about you, Chief."
"This work needs to be finished," she replied tonelessly, turning back to her work. "Don't worry, I'll rest later."
The ensign could do nothing but walk away. He sighed, frustrated at the lack of response from B'Elanna. The entire engineering crew had noticed B'Elanna's grief, and most of them had guessed by now that it had something to do with Seven of Nine's death and whatever happened between them while they were stranded. They'd held a funeral for the borg a few days earlier, and everyone had noticed the conspicuous absence of their Chief Engineer. Some had attributed it to the hostility the two women had shared, but the people who understood B'Elanna knew that it wasn't so - she would never be as petty as to not attend a funeral because of a personal grudge. Besides, the Lieutenant had began to develop a friendship with Seven in the days prior the away mission, they'd been spotted spending time together off duty. There was something else going on with B'Elanna that concerned the deceased borg.
"Captain to Torres."
"Torres here."
"I'd like to see you in my ready room as soon as possible please." The worried voice of the Captain came through the comm badge.
"I'll be right there." B'Elanna responded shortly, then slammed down the PADD she'd been holding as the link was severed. She stalked out of Engineering growling a stream of curses, leaving the bewildered crew to exchange troubled glances.
Janeway was waiting for her as she strode into the ready room, but said nothing.
"What?" The exasperated half Klingon snapped.
The Captain frowned, "I don't think I like your attitude Lieutenant."
B'Elanna tried to hold her temper in check. "I apologize Captain. However, I'd like to know why you interrupted my work."
"I want you to take a break, consider yourself officially off duty for the next 48 hours." Janeway said. Then in softer tones, "What's going on B'Elanna? We're concerned about you."
"I assure you, I'm fine, Captain. A break isn't necessary." She replied in formal tones. She stared straight ahead, refusing to meet Janeway's eyes.
"Please, call me Kathryn." The Captain insisted, then sighed, "B'Elanna... everyone has noticed, you're definitely not fine. Tom talked to me this morning, he thinks the marriage isn't working out."
"Well dissolve it then."
"What? You're not even going to try to save your marriage?"
B'Elanna shrugged, finally meeting Janeway's shocked eyes. "I don't care for Tom anymore... the marriage was failing before the away mission anyway."
"What happened on that planet, B'Elanna?" Janeway leaned forward in her seat, "Don't tell me you're fine. Something happened there and it's changed you."
"Look, I already documented everything in the official report... and I'll deal with my own problems, it's none of your business."
"Everyone on this ship is my business." A pause. "It was Seven wasn't it?" she probed cautiously, "Something happened between you and Seven."
The half Klingon flinched at the name of the woman who haunted her daily thoughts and tortured her nightly with dreams of what could never be. She kept silent; keeping her eyes focused on Janeway's coffee mug.
"Tell me about it." Kathryn prompted gently.
"I can't..." B'Elanna took a shuddering breath, "I'm sorry Kathryn, maybe someday... just not today."
The Captain nodded, letting B'Elanna have her privacy, she knew that the young woman had to first come to terms with what happened, herself, before she could begin to heal.
*******
"Computer start personal log, B'Elanna Torres." She took a deep breath before beginning.
"I wonder sometimes why I don't cry - I've shed no tears since Seven died. Even when my hearts seem to be breaking from the pain of my loss, as I lie alone at night - or worse, next to Tom's droning snores - I have no tears. I used to accuse Seven of having no emotions, but eventually saw that she did have feelings... she just didn't express them like the rest of us. I am, in a way, like that now... I can't share my emotions - nobody would understand if I did.
It's been a week since Voyager entered the wormhole and beamed me up. Everything was so hurried... I barely had a chance to say goodbye to Xena and Gabrielle... and Seven. We'd made a funeral pyre for her a few days after her death - I had still held onto the hope at the time that Voyager would be able to revive her if they came. But after two days, Seven's body began to break down... even in death her borg systems were drawing energy from her human body... like a parasite. So we burnt her body... it wasn't really Seven, just the corpse, the shell... Seven no longer resided in the discarded husk, and so I saw no reason to take her ashes with me. I left the urn containing her ashes on the planet, in the cabin - our home - in the place where we first found love.
Seven's last few hours of life were a nightmare, her condition deteriorated quickly... her muscles had begun to waste away, and her cortical node was failing. At times, she could not remember her assimilation, nor could she remember Voyager... one thing that amazed me and warmed my soul... despite the fact that the love of my life lay dying... was that she never forgot my name. She would open her eyes, beautiful blue eyes filled with love for me, and she'd say my name with a voice so faint I had to strain to hear it. I held her hand through it all, our fingers entwined... I held on long after she died, not wanting to let go... It was not until Xena called my name many hours later, worried that I still hadn't emerged from the hut, that I finally pried my hand loose of Seven's cold, stiff fingers... and walked out into the harsh sunlight of that accursed day.
I sometimes wish I could forget all that happened in those three weeks, for it plagues me... haunts me.... But I know that I never will - or ever would even if I had the chance. I would relive it a thousand times over because for a brief time, I was with my beloved.
This is the story I could not tell Kathryn... I do not think I can ever tell it, despite what I said to her. It lies here within my heart, locked away forever..."
"End personal log."
*******
After B'Elanna left, Xena and I boarded up the cabin. We stood outside it for a long time, remembering all that had passed, and sending out one last goodbye to wherever our friends may have gone. We left the area, knowing we would not return - too much had happened there that touched us too deeply.
And so it seems that their story has come to an end. Yet it doesn't feel right, somehow, that these two lovers should be torn apart like this... one dead, ashes confined to the ground, and one alive, out in the stars somewhere in a different universe....