Say You Do
You told me you weren�t looking
So I shouldn�t look at you that way
We just happen to be here
Doesn�t mean the world is gonna change
The first time, she had been in desperate need of a friend. And I just happened to have been the only one around in the near-empty airport. The second time, she had been in not-so-dire need of some company. And, one again, I just happened to have been the only one around in the near-empty arena.
The third time, she had come to me. Looking for a friend, some company. Certainly not a lover.
But those first two nights we had spent together, getting to know each other, was more than enough for me to change my mind about her. I had gotten to know her, and I found that I liked her. I got to know her even better, and found that I liked her a whole lot.
Then, I fell in love with her.
But she was never looking for a lover, just a friend. Always a friend. Nothing less, and certainly nothing more. A friend.
Then, last night happened�
But you could be wrong if you say you are
Strong enough to make it fast
And you could be glad
If I say I can take one night and make it last
A little over six months since we both found ourselves stranded at some airport, she had come looking for me once again. After every big show she came to me, to talk, for some company. She needed a friend, and for some reason I had become quite a good one. I had gotten used to her visits. I looked forward to it.
Then, last night�
With all the makeup gone, and her hair straightened, wearing a simple light blue top and army-like pants, she had looked exceptionally beautiful. We had been sitting side by side on the sofa, watching some forgettable movie. Actually, she was watching the movie. I was watching her.
And when she turned to me, I kissed her.
More than anything, I had been surprised when she started kissing me back. She. Kissed. Me. Back. Then she had quickly pulled away, the guilt having been very obvious in her eyes.
�One night.� It had been a plea more than anything.
Even if you don�t feel the way I do
Even if you can�t feel the way I could
Even just for tonight, tell me this lie
And say you do, baby say you do
�I can�t�� Hesitant, but with a hint of longing.
I had been crushed. I know she didn�t feel the same about me, and she probably never will. Or at least she didn�t feel quite as strongly as I did.
As strong as I do.
Despite the current distance between them, both physically and emotionally, I know that she loves her husband. That she would never do anything to jeopardise her marriage.
God, I had hated him with intensity at that moment.
�I love you, Steph.�
There were certain conditions
That we had to meet before you stayed
We don�t go any further
You won�t leave your heart for it to break
A look of shock had crossed her face, but she had quickly looked away. �You can�t mean that.�
�You know me.�
�I�m not sure this is such a good idea.�
I had wanted her. �This is me, Steph. No one will ever know.�
�I don�t�I�m�� She had nothing to say. Then, with a sigh, she had turned to face me again. �I don�t want to hurt-�
Her husband. She didn�t want to hurt him.
The man she loves.
We can try to deny everything that we feel
But you know that it�s wrong
Try our best to forget everything
But you know we won�t after you have gone
�Tell me you don�t want this.� It had been an unfair question. Both of us had already known the answer.
�I�� She hadn�t been able to say it.
�I didn�t want to fall in love with you, but I did. I tried to ignore it, to pretend it wasn�t happening, but it did.� A hesitation. �Stay. Please.�
She had said nothing. I had looked in her eyes, and clearly saw the words that refused to come out of her lips.
I had dared her to lie. �Tell me you don�t want me.�
Even if you don�t feel the way I am
Even if you can�t feel the way I can
Even just for tonight, tell me this lie
And say you do, baby say you do
Say you�re feeling just the same
�Chris��
She had said no more, because nothing more was needed to be said. Not by her, and certainly nothing more from me.
She passed me by this morning, and refused to even look at me. I now know that things will never be the same between us again. It�s changed, and I�m not sure if it�s for better or worse.
All because of last night�