Especially for Darkflame, I'm pretty sure I've kept in character, but if I haven't I'm verys orry. For Kay, who writes great stories that always inspire me, and for shana, who always seems to have the answers to grammar questions I don't usually need to ask. Ahh, school's out, we'll blame it all on that.
Dying Inside (1/1)
by lirpa
I'm the leader of the nWo now, by default, I suppose you could say. After all, Hogan decided the nWo was too much for him and Hall got pissed of his rocker a couple times too many, and that got him fired. So that left the nWo in a ittle bit of a bind, we were falling apart. It was painfully obvious that Hall was the leader. Anmd with Flair inducting new members like crazy, people I'm not even sure the nWo can trust, something had to be done. So I had to come back, I would have liked to recuperate some more, but the nWo needed a leader, and I was that man, even if I didn't want to be.
I've always been happy near the top, not necesarily leading , but not exactly following, you know? I was happy being upper middle class, so to speak.I hate making decisions that affect more people than me. I've always felt that I'm letting someone down, somehow. Even if I've done everything right, even if the plans come together perfectly, and all id well, I feel like I've let someone down. I've always wondered where that feeling of inadequacy comes from. Perhaps from being in the upper middle lass too long.
But I know I've gotta lead my nWo brothers, and I don't know how to do it. Sure, I may act like I do do, but in trith I'm on a steep learning curve. There's so much more to being leader than I initially thought possible. It's the most stressful I've ever done. I work my ass off night after night, assuring the nWo triumphs and do I ever, even once, get a thank you? No, no thanks Kevin, you saved my ass out there, ot thanks Kev that interference was just what I needed. No, all I get is Kevin what are we doing tomorrow night? Well geez, what if I don't know, huh? What with the nWo do then? Fall apart again, no doubt. Without leadership everything falls apart; they were making a mockery of the nWo colors, of the nWo mission, of the nWo way of life. I couldn't allow them to a mockery of everything I hold dear. No matter what the price is, now or down the road. I've gotta get the nWo back on its feet again, and I think I know just the way to do it.
It all depends on the bonds of friendship, I suppose you could say. I hope that the hold I have will be enough. It's a sad day when you're forced to manipulate your best friends to give you an edge against the enemy. I'm using my friends as tools, in the way I hated to be used when I was doing Hogan's bidding and Hall's biding. God, how I hated that. And now I'm doing tit to my friends, and the people who trust me to do the best thing possible.
That's right, I dragged my best friend, and lover, into this mess. I dragged Shawn Michaels, the Heartbreak Kid, back into this business. And I knew he didn't want to come back, he'd told me that often enough. But fool that I was I thought the nWo needed soem serious star power, someone to catch the eyes of everyone watching us. It's not that the people representing the nWo aren't stars, they are. It's just, well, they don't have the star power that some of the guys in the back have. People like the Undertaker command attention as soon as they hit the stage. People like Hunter make people sit up and take notice. The nWo needed people like that.
So, what did I do? I called, and practically begged, my lover to come back. Why? Because the nWo needed him, but did I tell him that, no!!!! I told him that I missed him and if he came back ... and joined the nWo we could be together all the time, instead of just talking on the phone at night. And he agreed, just like I knew he would. How? Becuase I've spent so long around, and with, him that how he thinks, and what can make him feel any range of emotions. And I used that, I'm not proud of it, but you can't change the past. I don't even know if I'd want to. The fans are sitting up and paying attentiopn to the nWo now, they've stopped acting liek we're a bump in the proverbial road. Now we are the biggest speed bump in that very same road; whether they love us or they hate us they take notice of what the nWo does. Yes, the new world order, taking the world over one wrestler at a a time.
I can't help feeling that Shawn will begin to resent being part of the nWo. That he'll resent being forced to play the heel, everyone knows he'd rather be a face. But I calleed him up, and told himI was having problems and didn't know what to do, which is a lie, I knew exactly what to do; hell, I was doing itI begged him to come back and help me, shoulder soem of the burden that was crushing me. And he did, because he's actually a big softie who can't stand to see the people around him suffer.
Yeah, it ws low, underhanded, how I got Shawn Michaels back into the ring. Yeah, I played on an emotional attachment, I used the feelings I knew he'd have, the emotions I knew he'd have. Yeah, I played hi like a fine musical instrument, and I'm not proud of it. would I do it again? Hell yes. Why, you ask? Why would I offer my lover up as the sacrificial lamb, so to speak? Well, it's simple reall; if I have to "sacrifice" Shawn, and I sincerely hope it doesn't come down to that, the nWo is truly secure. No one will be able to dethrone us, so to speak. Shaen Michaels has been the tool that has secured the new world order. If the nWo leaves World Wrestleing Entertainment it will be because they, we, want to. We won't ever be forced out. I will not allow the nWo to be run out of the WWE. That's just the way things are going to be around here.
And as fir shawn, yeah I love him. I've love him a lot, I've loved him for a long time but the nWo isa dream, a dream that I've been living a long time too. And all that Shawn has to remember is that all roads lead back to one place, all roads lead back to the nWo, because the nWo is for life.