I Wouldn�t Be Here If I Didn�t Love You
Traffic lights shining in my eyes
Through the pouring rain
We had a terrible fight tonight
And I can�t stand the pain
I�ve been searching for hours and hours
Up and down these lonely streets
As the lights turn green, I press down on the pedals and slowly make my way towards the house, towards her. After more than two hours of aimless driving, I�m on my way back home, feeling stupid and extremely guilty. And terrified.
I don�t want to lose her.
We�d had another fight, again, and I had stormed out into the rain. I know I have a temper, and I do try hard to control it. But her words had cut deeply into me, and all I had wanted to do was get the hell out.
I wouldn�t be here if I didn�t love you
I wouldn�t be here if I didn�t care
I wouldn�t waste your time or my time in a love that�s going nowhere
I don�t say it often, but I do love her. I love her more than anything in the world. Why else would I have stayed married to her for more than two years?
I know that deep down she knows that I do care. She knows me by now. She knows me better than anyone else, and she knows that I would never have stuck around for so long if all I wanted was some �female company�.
It�s been building up for quite sometime
Something had to break
But to just end it all like this
Would be the worst mistake
I know I don�t wanna live without you
I know exactly what you mean to me
And I believe that inside, we still hold the key
But for some reason all we�ve done the past few weeks is fight and argue, and I really don�t know why. Tonight�s screaming match has been the worst so far.
�I don�t ever want to see you again,� she had said, staring at me coldly. �It�s over.�
I had never felt this way about anyone before, and as the words passed her lips� She had hurt me, and I retaliated the only way I knew how. I attacked. And then I left. It wasn�t a smart move, but her words�
I don�t ever want it to be over. When I had first met her, my career was my entire life. It was all I cared about, and it was what I concentrated my entire being towards. I had wanted to be the very best, and I had been. And while at the top I had realised that I hadn�t done it all by myself.
She had been there all throughout my battles and hardships, pushing me. Yet, standing beside me at the same time. When I had finally noticed her, everything had faded.
And she had become my entire world.
I wouldn�t be here if I didn�t love you
I wouldn�t be here if I didn�t care
I wouldn�t waste your time or my time in a love that�s going nowhere
She must know that I love her. She has to know. She knows. Right?
Because I do. All I want is the chance to tell her. To let her know.
Why else am I still here?
I wouldn�t be here if I didn�t love you
Freezing cold in the pouring rain
All I wanna do is find you
Let me set you home again
I park the car in the driveway, turning off the engine. For a few minutes I just sit and watch the house. One of the upstairs light is on, and jolt of fear shoots through me. It�s the main bedroom. Is she packing her things, ready to leave?
My eyes travel to the first floor. Several lights are on, but I still see no sign of her. With some trepidation, I open the door and get out of the car. The rain is heavy, and my clothes quickly stick to my skin. In only seconds it feels as if the ice-cold water has penetrated into my bones, but I barely feel it.
I walk towards the front door, the sound of my heart beat thundering in my ears. After her final words, and my regrettable reply, I�m unsure of how she will greet me. If she�s still at home.
However, just as I reach over to turn the knob, the door swings inwards. And she�s there. No look of surprise crosses her face, and it feels as if she�s been waiting for me.
Someday we gonna look back on this
Throw away the cross we had to bear
We�ll have a laugh and we�ll have a kiss
We�ll say all is fair
I wouldn�t be here if I didn�t love you
I wouldn�t be here if I didn�t care
I wouldn�t waste your life or my life in a love that�s going nowhere
There are so many things I want to say to her. I want to tell her that I�m sorry, that my life means nothing if she�s not by my side, that she is what drives me. More than anything I want to tell her that I love her. But no words come out, and I just gaze at her.
In a few short steps she closes the distance between us, never losing eye contact. But she stops a few mere inches from me. And she smiles.
Despite being cold and soaking wet, she lifts her arms and wrap them tightly around my neck, pulling me against her. Without hesitation, my own arms enclose around her, and I hold her with everything in me. No words are necessary. What is important is that I�m here.
But even more significant than that, so is she.