Once there was a gentleman named Vince McMahon who married, for his second wife, the proudest and most haughty woman that was ever seen. Her name was Terri. She had, by a former husband named Perry Saturn, two daughters who possessed their mother�s temper and who were, indeed, exactly like her in all things. Their names were Trish and Kat. The man had a young daughter of his own, who had an unusually sweet disposition which she took from her mother, Linda McMahon, who had been the nicest person in the world. Unfortunately for the world, she had died due to the stress of running a multi-billion dollar enterprise.
No sooner were the ceremonies of their wedding over than the stepmother began to show her true colours � red she-devil. She could not bear the good qualities of her pretty stepdaughter, and all the less because they made her own daughters appear the more odious. Terri employed her in the meanest work of the Tower: scouring the dishes and tables, setting up the ring every night, and scrubbing madam�s locker room and those of her own daughters. The girl slept in a miserable storage area upon an old and worn wrestling mat, while her stepsisters occupied fine rooms with beds of the very newest fashion, bedded the hottest wrestlers, and where they had looking glasses so large they could view themselves from head to foot.
The poor girl bore all of this patiently and dared not tell her father, who would have scolded her, for his new wife ruled him entirely. When she had done her work, she used to go into the chimney corner and sit down among the cinders and ashes, which is the reason why they called her Cinderwench. But the younger of the sisters, Kat, who was not so rude and mean as the elder, called her Cindersteph. However, Cindersteph, notwithstanding her shabby attire, was a hundred times more beautiful than her sisters, though they were always dressed very richly.
It happened that the King�s son, Prince Jericho, gave a ball and invited all persons of fashion to it. The two sisters were among those invited, for they cut a very grand figure. They were delighted with this invitation and became wonderfully busy choosing such gowns, petticoats and headdresses as might become them. This meant new trouble for Cindersteph, for it was she who ironed her sisters� linen and pleated their ruffles, while they talked of nothing but how they should be dressed for the ball.
�For my part,� said Trish, �I will wear my red velvet suit with French trimming. It really brings out my�er�eyes!�
�And I,� said Kat, �shall have my usual silk skirt. But then, to make amends for that, I will put on my gold-flowered cloak and my diamond necklace, which is far from being the most ordinary one in the world. I�m not sure the bubble/cling wrap I used last time will do this time.�
They sent for the best milliner to make up their headdresses and adjust their double-frilled caps, and they ordered their rouge and beauty patches from Mademoiselle de la Chyna.
Cindersteph was also consulted in all these matters, for she had excellent ideas, and she offered her services to dress their hair, which they were very willing she should do. As she was doing this, they said to her, �Cindersteph, would you not like to go to the ball?�
�Alas,� she said, �it is not for such as I.�
�You are right,� they replied. �It would make people laugh to see a cinderwench at a palace ball.�
The two sisters went almost two days without eating, so much were they transported with joy. They broke more than a dozen laces in trying to be laced up tightly so that they might have fine slender shapes, and were continually at their looking glasses. Miss Plastic Fantastic herself, Trish, wanted to make sure that her�er�eyes were presented in the best way possible.
At last the happy day came. They went to court and Cindersteph followed them with her eyes as long as she could and, when she lost sight of them, she began to cry.
Her godfather, Pat Patterson, found her all in tears, and asked her what was the matter.
�I wish I could�I wish I could�� But Cindersteph was not able to speak the rest, being interrupted by her tears and sobbing.
This godfather of hers, who was a fairy and liked dressing as a fairy, said, �You wish to go to the ball � is that not so?�
�Yes,� cried Cindersteph, with a great sigh.
�Well,� said Patterson, �be a good girl, and I will arrange that you shall go!� Then he said to Cindersteph, �Run into the garden and bring me a pumpkin.�
Cindersteph went immediately to gather the finest one and brought it to her godfather, not being able to imagine how this pumpkin could help her go to the ball. Patterson scooped out all of the inside, leaving nothing but the rind. Then he struck it with his wand, and the pumpkin was instantly turned into a fine coach. He then found six live mice in the mousetrap. He told Cindersteph to lift up the little door, and � after she gave each mouse a little tap with his wand as it went out � every mouse was turned into a fine horse. Altogether they made a very handsome set of six beautiful horses with blonde manes.
Being at loss for a coachman, Cindersteph said, �I will go and see if there is a rat in the rattrap. We may make a coachman of him.�
�Yes,� replied Patterson. �Go and look.�
Cindersteph brought the trap to her, and in it there were three huge rats. Patterson chose the one which had the largest beard, and, touching him with her want, she turned him into a fat, jolly coachman named Foley. He then said to Cindersteph, �Go again into the garden, and you will find six lizards. Bring them to me.�
Cindersteph no sooner done so than Patterson turned them into six footmen, who skipped up immediately behind the coach. The first two both had long blonde hair, and totally reeked of awesomeness. The next two were risk takers, the one with the multi-coloured hair doing a swanton bomb from the top of the coach to get in line. The last two were a little bigger than the rest, and they stayed at the very back. One of them looked a little like her old boyfriend�
Patterson then said to Cindersteph, �Well, you see here an equipage fit to take you to the ball.�
�Oh, yes,� cried Cindersteph, �but must I go as I am, in these old rags?�
Patterson barely touched her with his wand, and at that same instant her rags were turned into clothes of silver, all trimmed with gold and jewels. This done, she gave her a pair of glass slippers, the prettiest in the whole world. Thus decked out, Cindersteph climbed into her coach. Then Patterson commanded her above all things not to stay after midnight, telling her that if she stayed one moment later, the coach would be a pumpkin again, her horses mice, her coachman a rat, her footmen lizards, and her clothes would become just as they were before.
Cindersteph thought about negotiating her curfew, but decided that Patterson had done enough already. She promised him she would not fail to leave the ball before midnight. And then away she drove, scarcely able to contain herself for joy.
Prince Jericho, who was told that a great Princess whom nobody knew, had come, ran out to receive her. He gave her his hand as she alighted from the coach and led her into the hall, among the company. There was immediately a profound silence, the other guests stopped dancing and the violins ceased to play, so attentive was everyone to the singular beauties of the unknown newcomer. Nothing was then heard but: �Ha! How lovely she is! Ha! How lovely she is!�, although someone from way at the back was rumoured to have uttered �Slut!� under his breath. All the ladies were busy observing her clothes and headdress, so they might have some made next day after the same pattern, provided they could find such fine materials and able hands to make them.
The King�s son conducted her to the seat of honour, and afterward took her out to dance with him, and she danced so gracefully that all admired her more and more. A fine supper was served, but young Prince Jericho ate nothing, so intently was he gazing on Cindersteph.
She sat down by her sisters, showing them a thousand civilities � though, I am sure that she had quite a mind to perform a DDT on each of them � giving them part of the oranges and lemons (sour!) which Prince Jericho presented her. This surprised them very much, as they did not recognise her. While Cindersteph was thus amusing her two sisters (possibly wishing that the lemons were poison), she heard the clock strike eleven and three quarters; she immediately made a curtsy to the company and hastened away as fast as she could.
Reaching home, she ran to seek out her godfather and, after having thanked him, said she could not but heartily wish she might go to the ball the next night, as Prince Jericho had asked her. As she was eagerly telling her godfather all that happened that evening, not to mention any goss she had managed to glean, her two sisters knocked at the door, which Cindersteph ran and opened.
�How long you have stayed!� Cindersteph cried, rubbing her eyes and stretching herself as if she had just been waked out of her sleep. She had not, of course, had any inclination to sleep since they had left home.
�If you had been at the ball,� said Kat, �you would not have been tired with hit. There came unexpectedly the finest Princess, the most beautiful ever seen with mortal eyes. She showed a us a thousand civilities and gave us oranges and lemons.�
Cindersteph seemed very indifferent, but she asked them the name of that Princess. They told her they did not know it and that the Prince would give all the world to know who she was. at this Cindersteph smiled and replied, �She must, then, be very beautiful indeed. How happy you have been! Could I not see her? Dear Miss Plas- er, Trish, do lend me your yellow dress which you wear every day.�
�To be sure,� cried Trish, �lend my clothes to a dirty cinderwench! I should be a fool.�
Cindersteph, indeed, had expected such an answer and was very glad of the refusal, for she would have been sadly put to it if her sister had done what she asked for jestingly.
The next day the two sisters were at the ball, and so was Cindersteph, but dressed more magnificently than before. Prince Jericho was always by her side and never ceased his compliments and kind speeches to her. All this was far from being tiresome that she quite forgot what her godfather had commanded her. At last, she counted the clock striking twelve when she had thought it to be no more than eleven. She then rose up and fled, as nimble as a deer.
Prince Jericho followed but could not overtake her. But she lost one of her glass slippers, which Prince Jericho picked up most carefully. Cindersteph reached home quite out of breath and in her old clothes, having nothing left of her finery but one of the little slippers, mate to the one she had dropped.
The hired guards, from the Acolytes Protection Agency, at the palace gate were asked if they had seen a Princess go out. But no, they had seen nobody except a young woman, very poorly dressed, who had more the air of a country wench than a gentlewoman. Like they could really tell that just from having seen her run past them.
When Trish and Kat returned from the ball, Cindersteph asked them if they had been well entertained. She had a feeling that Trish had been the entertainment for most of the night. They told her that the fine lady had been there, but had left with such haste when the clock struck twelve that she dropped one of her little glass slippers. Prince Jericho had done nothing but look at her during the ball, and he was very much in love with the beautiful girl who had dropped the glass slipper.
What they said was true, for a few days later Prince Jericho caused it to be proclaimed, by sound of trumpet, that he would marry her whose foot this slipper would just fit. His gentlemen-in-waiting began to try it upon the princesses, then the duchesses and all the court, but in vain. It was brought to the two sisters, Trish and Kat, who each did what she possibly could to thrust her foot into the slipper. But they could not manage it. Cindersteph, who knew her slipper, said to them, smiling, �Let me see if it will not fit me.� She had fallen in love with Prince Jericho, and wanted to be his wife.
Her sisters burst out laughing and began to tease her. The gentleman, known to all as �The Game� for some unknown reason, who was sent to try the slipper looked earnestly at Cinderella and, finding her very lovely, said it was only fair that she should try and that he had orders to let everyone do so.
The Game bade Cindersteph to sit down and, putting the slipper to her foot, he found it went on easily and fitted her as if it had been made of wax. The astonishment of her two sisters was great, but it was greater still when Cindersteph pulled out of her pocket the other slipper. At this, there appeared her godfather, who touched Cindersteph�s clothes with his wand, making them more magnificent than any she had ever worn before.
Her two sisters threw themselves at her feet to beg pardon for all the ill-treatment they had made her undergo. Cindersteph embraced them and cried that she forgave them, just barely though, and desired them to never set foot within fifty metres of her. The Game himself wanted to Pedigree Kat and Trish for having mistreated such a lovely� Oops, not his job!
Cindersteph was conducted to Prince Jericho. He thought her more charming than ever and, a few days afterward, married her. Now, Cinderella would have given the two sisters lodging in the palace and would have matched them with two great lords of the court, but this is Cindersteph we�re talking about.
Cindersteph, with the urging of her new husband, Prince Jericho, shipped Trish and Kat off to one of the smaller, �independent� kingdoms, where they worked their days off entertaining men of their caliber in small, hick towns by parading their T&A.
As for our royal couple, Cindersteph and Prince Jericho lived the rest of their lives happily ever after.