Untitled 42
I was away for quite a long time. In the grand scheme of things two months isn�t really that long. Eight weeks. Sixty days. That�s all. But in this business, it�s often feels like two months is half a lifetime. In this business, things � alliances, feuds, friends, enemies � are like quicksilver, and a most trusted partner could be your most hated nemesis within the mere span of a week.
In the two months I was away, so many things have changed. Yet, everything is the same.
In the two months that I was away, I had thought that I had somehow managed to force her out of mind. When I learnt that I was to be challenging for what was rightfully mine, my thoughts had been on winning, and only winning that one match.
So why did the first person I see have to be her?
She smiled her Public smile at me. �It�s nice to have you back,� she said.
And suddenly, those two months disappeared into nothing. In this business, half a lifetime, gone. But even before I could begin to form a semi-intelligent response, or even a simple �Thank you�, she had turned and was gone.
Just like half the guys backstage, I was in love with her. How could anyone not be?
But I was different. Because I knew the Real her, had glimpsed the part of her that she hid extremely well. I knew Stephanie. The others only knew McMahon-Helmsley.
Two months. The first week I had thought of her. The second week I had thought of her. The third week I had thought of her. The fourth week I had tried not to think of her. The fifth week I had tried not to think of her. The sixth week I had stopped thinking about her.
By the end of the two months I had come to believe that my feelings for her had been nothing but immature infatuation. She was, after all, a beautiful woman in world full of men. A very powerful woman. Infatuation. Lust. Simple fascination.
I see her again, and all those feelings from over two months ago come rushing back. They hit me so suddenly that I had found myself struggling to breathe. The rest of the night I do my best to stay away from her, to know exactly where her location is all the time so that I could be as far away from her as possible.
But after my match she still managed to catch up with me, full of Public joy and satisfaction. �The Alliance is proud of what you�ve done,� she said in her role as McMahon-Helmsley, the owner of ECW.
I just nodded, muttering a quick �Thanks� even as I started turning away as quickly as I could. She�s a smart, perceptive woman. I don�t want her seeing something in me that I don�t want her to see.
*
The night is finally over, and no one is more relieved than me. As ecstatic as I am to finally be back, there is a part of me that will never be satisfied with just being an �Alliance member�. Because I want her � Stephanie. And I know I�ll never have her.
I don�t even know if I�ll ever see her again.
The voice makes me freeze in my tracks. I had hoped that I would be the first to make a quick getaway from the show, but apparently I wasn�t the only one who had the same idea.
�I�ll be home soon, I promise,� she says, a lightness in her voice that I have never heard before.
Stephanie�s voice.
She laughs, and it�s the most amazing sound in the world. Not at all like the harsh, high-pitched cackle of her Public self, but a gentle, honeyed melody.
Stephanie�s laugh.
�Yes, I�m leaving now.� She stops beside a dark-silver Mercedes, the phone pressed against her ear as she smiles. She doesn�t see me, and I can barely breath.
Stephanie�s smile.
�I�ll see you soon.� There�s a softness in her face that I�ve never seen before, a glow in her eyes that I know I�ll never see again. �I love you, too.�
Stephanie�s love.
All of them for a man who would gladly give up his own life for hers. A man who will never be me. And I�m okay with that.
Really.