Ethan looks at his watch and then at the clock on the wall. He looks around the waiting room and sighs. It's a plain drab room with a decorative painting, a plant, a desk with the plant on it, and a few couches. He turns to Gwen and shrugs.
"I guess he's not back from lunch yet." he says to her shaking his head.
Gwen is sitting hunched over with her knees apart and her forearms resting on her knees, one of her legs bouncing restlessly.
"He should know that not being there for his patient could cause permanent psychological damage!" she whispers, trying to make a joke to calm her nerves, but it's hard to tell if it worked because her leg continues to bounce.
Dr. Karker walks into his office and smiles. "Hello, Aura, Supreme. Sorry I was late. The traffic is horrendous. If you'll just follow me into my office we will begin," he says opening the door to his office.
Ethan looks over at Aura as he stands up. "Finally," he says.
Gwen gives him a little smile. "Damnit it!" she whispers back, standing up. She pauses, and then impulsively reaches over and takes Ethan's hand before they walk in.
Dr. Karker sits down in his plush chair and motions for them to sit as well. Ethan and Aura sit down on the couch and Dr. Karker motions for Aura.
"Tell me about your week, Aura. Any problems with anger?"
Gwen glances at Ethan. "Well, I guess you should ask Supreme!" She crosses her legs so the side of her left foot is resting on her right knee. "Now we can get the full picture-- what it's like being me, and what it's like LIVING with me!" she grins.
She thinks for a minute about the past week. She'd spent most of her time working on the Underwater Patriot-Freedom-Terror-base with the others, and working out with Supreme when she was home.
"Well...honestly...no. And it's because I wasn't around any TV sets or radios, and we weren't called away on any missions. I've been keeping myself busy. And working out with my husband has really helped give me a physical outlet." she grins, reaching over and patting his thigh.
"Yes, she hasn't had any problems at all, doctor. She's been quite happy and calm," Ethan offers.
Dr. Karker nods, "Well that's the point of having him here, Aura. How one sees themselves and how others see them can be quite different. It gives us a good perspective on our actions. I'm glad to hear you've been anger-free this week. So perhaps without a contact with public opinion you're happier. What do you think of that, Aura?"
Gwen thinks for a moment. "I don't mind the public opinion so much...at least, I didn't 3 years ago when there weren't so many novas. I miss the old glory-days when we were a novelty. Now you don't have to do anything good to be on the top 10. No offense to my husband, but he'll always be #1 or #2, even though he hasn't rescued any space crafts or fought Divis in a long time. People still think he's the best. And Caestus? What has HE done in forever? Nothing! Yet he's always in the top 5! And Pumpkin? Yeah, he LOOKS cool to little boys, but everytime he fights, his opponent either runs away or knocks him unconscious! And then there's me. I've never lost a fight...I've saved tons of people's lives...I've never had to go to the infirmary...I pose for sexy posters...and I'm #7. How does this work?" She sighs. "I don't know...I just feel like I can't do anything right most of the time. Like, I've set up this stigma of being rebellious and violent, so now everyone assumes my motives for doing anything are to be rebellious or violent. There's nothing I can do to be perceived any differently. And you know what else? Sometimes I like that, deep down. So *I* don't even know what I want!" she says, and then realizes she's been rambling and shuts up.
Ethan nods. "I agree. This shouldn't be about popularity. Aura and I do a lot of things no one sees or knows about. Yet still there it is." he says. "I don't bother with it anymore. I have my image and I'll leave it at that."
"Why do you care about what the public thinks in popularity, Aura? As long as you know you're doing a good job and your friends know it, who cares what anyone else thinks?" Dr. Karker asks.
"Because it's the public whose lives I'm saving! It's the public who I'm risking MY life for! If they aren't grateful, then why do it? I guess I'm one of those people who needs affirmation in order to be motivated. If the people aren't grateful for what I do, then I don't want to help them anymore." she says, folding her arms and frowning.
"Totentanz goes out there and assassinates people, and they LOVE him for it! I catch a building that Divis throws and save tons of lives and it barely makes the 6 o'clock news. I've got my own things I can be spending my time on-- I don't need to play police patrol or security guard." she says, looking down at her foot and pouting a little.
Dr. Karker steeples his fingers. "So you think that the public is your boss and not Utopia. Interesting. Do you care what people think of...say what your apartment looks like or perhaps the clothes you wear?" he asks.
Gwen laughs before she can stop herself. "No, because I consider that none of their business. If I'm just going out as Gwen, I'll wear whatever I want to because I'm on my own time. But if I'm going out as Aura, I have to admit...I want people to think I look hot." she says, giving Ethan a guilty smile.
"I've gone through a few phases as Aura. The first one was the skimpy-costume-phase when I was single. Then I changed my suit so I was covered almost from head to toe after Supreme and I got together. Then I got jealous of all the attention Slider's nearly-naked poster got her, and I designed the costume I'm wearing now that's sexy and revealing, but not THAT revealing-- the best of both worlds, you know? I want to be considered a 'hot nova.' I...was never looked at as 'hot' before I erupted-- that *I* know of, anyway-- so this is a novelty for me, and I took to it instantly." she tries to explain.
"Aura you are hot," Ethan says looking to her.
Gwen looks at him in surprise, and then blushes a little and smiles-- unable to help herself. "Thank you, E-- Supreme." she quickly corrects herself. She NEVER calls Ethan 'Supreme' unless they're in public, so she's always worried about slipping up like she almost just did.
Dr. Karker nods. "I see. So you see what the public thinks of you as a job review perhaps?" he says. "Interesting. Well then would you be angry if you were number three? Perhaps four?"
Gwen's eyebrows raise and she leans forward a little. "Are you just teasing me?" she asks, trying not to sound too eager. He's always giving her the weekly nova-ratings from the newspaper...probably because he secretly likes to taunt her and then watch her rant for an hour after she gets the results!
She forces herself to sit back a little. "Three is about the best I can hope for. I mean, who can compete with Slider and THIS guy?" she grins, giving Supreme a loving slug to the arm. "Four would probably mean that there are just too man damn little boys voting for Pumpkin again!" she laughs to herself. "I wouldn't be angry if I was three or four, as long as it was Supreme and Slider ahead of me...or I guess even Pumpkin. He's actually a really good guy." she finally forces herself to admit. "See? I'm getting better? Right?" she smiles a toothy smile.
Dr. Karker smiles and Ethan throws his arm around her. "Of course you are, Aura. Doctor, she has been great lately. Very happy. We both are." Ethan says.
Gwen beams a smile up at Ethan, and has a flashback to the first track-meet where she took 1st place and her dad put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her for a picture for the newspapers. His approval was all it took to make her want to get 1st place every time-- just to have him smile at her that way and hug her and say how proud he was of her.
She doesn't want to compare that moment to this moment, but she can't help to. Ethan is happy AND he's married to her! Now THAT'S a momentous accomplishment for her, she thinks self-deprecatingly. She hopes he really IS happy and he's not just saying that because they're in front of her psychiatrist.
"Perhaps this slow period has been good for you, Aura." Dr. Karker says. "This has been a good session, Aura. I think you are making real progress. So there hasn't been anything to make you mad at all. Besides the opinion polls. Well you'll be happy to know you've cracked the top five. You're now at five, congrats."
Gwen raises her eyebrows. "Really??" She pauses for a minute as she thinks about this. "Well it just proves my theory! Don't do anything for a while, and the people LOVE you!" she grins. "Ooh! Do you think they're responding to our 'Good Guys and Bad Girls' poster?" she asks Supreme excitedly. She turns back to the doctor in the same breath. "Who are 1-4?" she can't help but ask.
"Maybe! That poster was a good seller," Ethan says happily.
"The usual suspects. Slider, Supreme, Damage and Caestus," Dr. Karker says. "But five is good. These four haven't moved in ages but you went right up. Not bad Aura," Dr. Karker says. "How does that make you feel?"
Gwen sits back and folds her arms, smiling a cheshire-grin. "It makes me want to stick my tongue out at Totentanz and GQ and give them both the raspberry of triumph! But on the same hand it makes me want to bonk Caestus on the head and tell him to move out of my way because I'm movin' on up!" she grins. "I won't even try to compete with the other three! Well no...that's a lie! I can take Pumpkin and Slider!" she wiggles her eyebrows. "Besides, only a Supreme should be #1!" she elbows Ethan. She's feeling a little better knowing Totentanz isn't beating her anymore. That one was REALLY irking her for months!
"Speaking of 'Supremes,' there's an issue I'd like to talk about with Ethan here. I don't want to put a damper on the mood, but maybe you can help analyze this. My husband is definitely a different person when he's in Supreme-mode. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm exactly the same in or out of my costume. I just want to know how I can get my husband to be the same way." she says, rubbing Ethan's arm to show she's not mad at him.
"Well that would be some private sessions with your husband of course. Perhaps I could schedule you." Dr. Karker says.
Ethan looks over at Aura and shakes his head. "We've talked about this, Aura. I'm just trying to maintain my image. I have to be careful how people perceive me." he says.
"Now that I would agree with," Dr. Karker says. "Supreme is the most powerful nova besides Mal. If people were to be less inclined to like him or see him in the wrong light..." he says.
Gwen throws up her hands in frustration. "OK, I'm seeing a double standard here. At the beginning of the session you said-- and I quote-- 'Why do you care about what the public thinks in popularity, Aura? As long as you know you're doing a good job and your friends know it, who cares what anyone else thinks?' Now how come that doesn't apply to Supreme here? Who came in and made up the rule that he has to be the polar opposite of Divis? I don't remember anyone asking the public how Supreme was supposed to act! And I don't remember the public dictating to him how he's supposed to act! I think he's created this ideal image in his head that he thinks he can't deviate from."
She turns to Ethan. "I mean honestly...you're a do-gooder-type naturally! Do you really think your private-self is so bad that it would make the public suddenly not like Supreme if you were yourself all the time? ME I can see, but YOU? Come on, honey..." she says, folding her arms.
"Ah I never said anything about your image, Aura. I said what the public thinks of you, not what they expect of you. There is a difference there." Dr. Karker says.
"Aura, I am myself most of the time. I really..." Ethan shrugs. "I can't explain it. Supreme has an image and that's that." he says.
"It's a fine line, Aura. See, people see Supreme as someone who will keep them safe. If he started to act goofy around cameras that idea of being safe and secure could be damaged." Dr. Karker says.
"Aaah...so that's why I'll never break the top three. Because I act goofy in front of the cameras." she says with a sniff. "Yeah, Pumpkin knows how to play those reporters. No one knows that after to me he's the goofiest of the goofy. Followed closely behind by Slider, I might add!"
Gwen slinks down in her chair, arms still folded. "Why don't we do a public poll asking people if they like how Supreme acts, or if they think he's a little too formal. We could even ask them how they think Supreme should act. But even if all the results come back that Supreme should act the way he's acting, why SHOULD he?? He's a person, too! He's not god! Isn't he entitled to just be himself and not have to put on a face for anyone?? I mean honestly honey, when did you become the people's servant? Will the world just fall apart if people suddenly realize you're not perfect??" she asks in exasperation.
"But to them he is. And that makes them feel safe, Aura. Isn't it enough he's chosen to spend the rest of his life with you? And that at home and around friends he's just himself? Must he be his private self in costume too?" Dr. Karker says. "We often have what's called private-selves and work-selves. It's a common phenomenon."
Gwen sighs and rubs her temples a little. "I guess the real issue is that he always acts like Supreme around our friends-- even when there are no civilians or media around. What I mean by that is that he doesn't joke and tease and laugh like everyone else does. He still tries to maintain this dignified presence. But when we're at his dad's place he's his normal self-- jokey and fun and laid-back. And since we've gotten married I've shown up solo at every Stormwatch-party because he refuses to go. Our friends are starting to give me sympathy-looks and I HATE it." she says with a frown.
"Is that true?" Dr. Karker says looking at Ethan.
Ethan looks at Gwen and sighs nodding.
"She's right, Doctor. I have a hard time opening up to her friends." Ethan says. "I need to loosen up in front of Stormwatch. They know who I am...they know I'm just like them." he says. "You're right Gwen, I'll try harder to be a better friend to your friends and be more loose."
The look of surprise on Gwen's face is classic. She honestly thought this topic would lead to a fight! She didn't think he'd apologize!
"Wow...thanks honey!" she says. She pauses and then gives him a little smile. "Does this mean you might join in on our pranks and games now?" she asks hopefully.
"Maybe not Truth or Dare, but yeah I'll join in," Ethan says. He smiles at Gwen.
Gwen beams and throws her arms around him, kissing him and making little happy-noises.
"Excellent," Dr. Karker says. "Well Aura it seems we've already had a breakthrough with Supreme." he says. "Is there anything else troubling you?"
Gwen smiles, still hugging Ethan tightly with the side of her face against his. "Hmmm...let me think..." she says. "You mean more than little things, like the toilet-seat being left up and stuff?" she teases, kissing his cheek. She settles against him and thinks.
"I'm nervous about having a baby." she finally admits. "Some days I feel optimistic, like it's going to be great...usually right after we've talked to Supreme's dad on the phone. Other days...not so optimistic." she sighs. "It's probably the thing that preoccupies me the most."
"Have you changed your mind?" Ethan asks worriedly.
"What worries you so much, Aura? Surely you of all people should have a baby safely without any sort of health problems." Dr. Karker says.
Gwen feels a pang of guilt when she sees Ethan's worried face. "No, no...I promised you that after--" She glances at the doctor and then back at Ethan. "--that at the end of the summer we could get pregnant, and I don't go back on my promises." she tries to reassure him. She holds his hand and sighs.
"I'm not scared about health problems..." she tells the doctor. She closes her eyes. "I'll just start saying all the things that make me nervous. Maybe saying them will help." She takes a deep breath.
"I'm scared that we're having a baby so quickly after getting married because I'm worried that we're going to lose the time that we were supposed to be getting to know each other better. I'm scared that somehow Divis will be able to kidnap or hurt our baby. I'm scared that we're going to be so busy doing our superhero-things that we won't be able to take care of the baby as much as we should while it's growing up. I'm scared that we're going to overburden our families if we use them as babysitters. I'm scared that our baby will be brainwashed against us by Divis when it grows up. I'm scared that I won't be a good mom. I'm scared that our baby will grow up and not like me for whatever reason. I'm scared of us losing our freedom. I'm scared of getting 'old' too fast. I'm scared of loving our baby so much that if something happened to it I wouldn't be able to function for the rest of my life. Those are the kinds of things that I'm scared of." she says, finally opening her eyes.
Ethan squeezes her hand and brings it to his lips, kissing it.
Dr. Karker nods, "All common worries that many mothers go through. Except for the super-part," he adds. "You should know that having fears and worries are a common part of being a parent. Will they get into a good school, am I a good parent, do they love me-- all things we hear all the time, Aura."
She gives Ethan a little smile, and then raises an eyebrow at Dr. Karker. "Really?" she asks. She pauses for a while, and then glances up at Ethan. "What about you? Is there anything you're scared about with having a baby?" she asks.
"Well," Ethan says. "I hope I'm a good parent. I hope the child loves me and yeah I hope I get to spend a lot of time with him and not have to clean up the world every other day," he says.
"Being a Nova certainly brings on new difficulties to parenting, but in a way it doesn't, if you think about it. Consider the businessman who's always on the phone always having to make decisions for his business even when he's not there." Dr. Karker says.
Gwen grins wryly. "Sounds kind of like being in Stormwatch! We have these evil headsets we have to wear all the time. And not just ANY headsets, but comm-links with both audio AND visual! Ever got interrupted in the middle of sex when your boss calls you, and he can both hear you AND see you? And there's nothing you can do about it? Yeah." Gwen rolls her eyes. "Being in Stormwatch isn't boring...I'll give it that...especially not for Bob!" she says. "And imagine the nursery we're going to be able to afford!" she grins. Then her grin disappears a little. She looks at Ethan.
"Speaking of nurseries, that's ANOTHER complication we haven't quite worked out: where are we going to live once the baby's born." she says, looking worried.
"Anywhere we want, Aura. It's not like we cannot travel fast. And besides I think that's something we'll have to talk about later," Ethan says with a warning-look.
Gwen nods, giving him a look that says she's not stupid enough to talk about their little secret in front of someone.
"Of course these are all very good concerns, Aura." Dr. Karker says. He looks down at his watch and sighs. "Well we're almost up on time. I have a little homework for you, Aura. Before next week I want you to write a list of everything that worries you. The minute it pops into your mind write it down."
Gwen thinks about this for a minute. "OK. Hey-- can I add things that stress me out, too? Might as well make it a long list while we're at it!" she grins. She WAS going to ask if she could add things that make her lose her temper, too, but...well...Gwen has some plans for what to do about THOSE things, and she wouldn't want to implicate herself later on!
"Absolutely," Dr. Karker says with a nod. He stands up and shakes Ethan's hand. "Good to have you here with us today," he says.
"My pleasure," Ethan says standing up.
Gwen smiles, standing up as well. "You two have something in common. You always have to go just when we're starting to have fun!" she grins. She takes Ethan's hand. "You're not upset that I have fears about getting pregnant?" she asks, still surprised at how supportive he was when she named off her list of baby-stresses.
"No not at all," Ethan says putting an arm around her. "I have fears, too." he says. Dr. Karker escorts them from his office and into the elevator. "I thought we could live at the farm," Ethan says. "We've always been happy there, and we can always fly in the morning to wherever we have to go," he says.
Gwen smiles and nods, hitting the button for their floor. "I was thinking that, too. Then your dad and Radar will always be right there, and that will make them happier, too, I think! And I love how silly you and your dad are together! That's the biggest selling-point for me!" she grins.
Then her face falls a little. "I'm just going to miss how fun it is living here...all the pranks everyone plays...how close everyone is if you need them...we should keep our penthouse how it is...you know...in case we want a night away?" she grins, running her hands up his chest.
"Absolutely," Ethan says wrapping his arms around her. "We could come here every once in awhile...fool around..." he says with a smile. "I know you're nervous, Gwen. So am I. But every parent is nervous, right?"
"Wow...that makes me feel a lot better knowing YOU'RE nervous, too! I had no idea!" she says, relaxing a little. "I really thought I was the only nervous mom-to-be! The only exposure I've had to pregnant women have been a couple of teachers I've had...and Caestus' wife...and they were all excited to be pregnant! They'd been TRYING to get pregnant, and all that! I've never seen a woman who was planning on getting pregnant AND was nervous!" she exclaims.
Ethan chuckles. "I'm sure they are just as nervous. They just don't talk about it with other people. Just their husbands," he says as the elevator door hisses and opens. "Now why don't we go inside and have a little practice for the baby shall we?"
Gwen throws her head back and laughs. "I was going to suggest that very thing! See? We ARE getting more in-sync with each other! And speaking of sinks..." she grins, pulling him into their apartment. "Maybe today we should practice in the bathroom..."
Ethan laughs and picks her up. The elevator closes with a hiss as he carries her into the bathroom for a long afternoon.
