“OK, time to try to organize my thoughts. Alec is in his room asleep. I know I could just open the door and slip into his bed, and he’d welcome me with open arms, but in the state of mind I’m in now, I will probably say many things I’ll regret tomorrow, if not sooner. He’s a swinger like I was…AM…so if I tried to tell him what I’m feeling, he’d probably send me back to my room in 30 seconds flat, and I’d be here carving new designs into my flesh-- only these wouldn’t be pretty. OK, OK, OK….I’m probably just going through a harmless crush or something-- I’ll have to ask Veil. Veil’s going to laugh when I tell her the emotional mess I’m in! Maybe I’ll be better after writing in here.”

“Well, Dear Diary…er, Shadows…er…whatever! I’m now going to tell you about this evening’s events. Maybe by writing everything down, I’ll have the answer to what’s going on with me. Then I can go to sleep with Alec, and everything will be roses. I’ll begin by saying that Alec and I both had dates for this evening, and I was cool with that. I was in his room helping him pick stuff out to wear…helping him get dressed…man! If I wasn’t thinking of how much I’d like to take those clothes right back off! Anyway, he didn’t need my help getting dressed-- he has impeccable taste. I wasn’t looking too bad, either! Actually, I’m still wearing the clothes right now…tight, lavender latex pants, a tight, black, long-sleeved shirt, and my low-cut black boots…oh, and this ring Alec gave me. That’s right, he gave me a ring! You wouldn’t believe what it can do…but I digress!”

“I was asking him why his date was being dropped off at the cabal by a taxi…”
“Alec, why is your date being dropped off by a taxi when you have a perfectly good car sitting outside?” Nettle asked with her hands on her hips, watching Alec straighten out his suit in the mirror.

“Because, love, she couldn’t believe I actually live I this old church! She wanted me to show her what we’ve done with the place before we go out. It was all her idea-- whatever the lady wants!”

“So she knows you live with a bunch of guys and chicks and doesn’t think that’s weird? Nevermind-- this is someone YOU found! She probably lives with a bunch of guys and chicks, herself!” Nettle said smirking. Alec laughed and continued to primp. “How are you going to take her to your room-- being that we’re in a horizon realm?”

“Oh, I’m only showing her the upstairs-- I told her we’d need to go somewhere more *private* if she had anything naughty in mind for after the date!” Alec replied smiling and glancing at Nettle. “Sheesh…where’d he find this one?” Nettle thinks to herself. Speaking out loud, she asks, “And she doesn’t mind you assuming you’re going to have sex later?”

Laughing, Alec answered, “No, not Rachel! In fact, I’d say she’d require it!”
“Aah,” Nettle answered, starting to not like the sound of this Rachel-character. Alec finally finished getting ready, and the two of them made their way to the lounge upstairs in the church. Sitting down on a couch together, they continued talking and flirting good-naturedly.

“So we went upstairs to wait for this Rachel-chick to show up, and sat on the couch together. We were talking and flirting like we always do, and Alec had his arm around me and was holding my hand, when suddenly someone knocked on the front door. Alec could have gotten an Olympic gold medal for sprinting with how fast he dropped my hand and made it to the front door! I was feeling a bit offended by that, and decided to leave before I had to be introduced to Rachel. Man-- I was all the way in the kitchen and could STILL hear that loud mouth of hers! (and who knows where it’s been! nevermind-- I’m not going to think about that…) I started making a cup of my favorite strawberry herbal tea, and could hear their voices out in the church as he was showing her around.”

“I was sipping my tea and standing at the counter when the door banged open and Alec and Rachel came in. I was so startled that I almost spilled me tea-- nice red stains THAT would have made-- but recovered enough to offer a forced smile as Alec introduced us. ‘Cabalmate Nettle,’ my ass! Wouldn’t she REALLY like to know! I kept both hands on my cup so she wouldn’t feel the need to try to shake hands-- I’m not sure if Alec picked up on any of my negative vibes…well, he probably did, considering his talents in the Mind sphere! Damn…”

“Well, they got disinterested in the kitchen quickly enough, and as they were leaving, I saw that slut grab Alec from behind. I think it was the smile on Alec’s face that clinched it for me, because once the door was shut behind them, I crushed the teacup I my hands. The shards of china felt positively wonderful piercing through my flesh-- I must have been quite the sight, with the red tea and blood covering my hands and dripping on the floor! In retrospect, I’m glad those two didn’t hear the noise and come back in. That probably would have freaked Alec out to no end. ‘No, Alec, I’m not jealous. I just suddenly had the urge to see how broken china would feel sticking out of my hands!’ Yeah-- he’d really believe THAT!”

“After I savored the moment, I quickly washed up and decided to go out and see if they were gone yet. They were in the library, so I started making my way to the front of the church to wait for my date. I don’t know why, but when I heard their voices emerging from the library, I quickly ducked into the rec room by the front door. I kept peeking through the crack between the doorframe and door in the rec room, and saw them walk up and stand in the foyer. I used Mind 2 to block my presence from Alec, and watched them standing there talking. I also noticed that the foyer light was right above Rachel’s head, and started getting some interesting thoughts! Rachel isn’t a beautiful girl, but she has this powerful sexual aura about her-- and we all know how that attracts men like vultures! Plus, she has red hair…I don’t know what it is about red hair. I was staring at her hair…the light…her hair…the light, when suddenly her head got close enough to it that I could catch her hair on fire coincidentally, and so I did. True confessions of a Verbena witch-- and I ain’t ashamed!”

“Alec pulled off his jacket and threw it over her head, and when he pulled it off again, the flames were out, and Rachel had a nice retro hair-style complete with singe that gave it a nice ‘I put black streaks in my hair!’-look! She was pretty freaked-out, but Alec looked as cool and calm as ever. I stayed motionless in my hiding place, and the two quickly left after that. I felt about a thousand times better than when I crushed the teacup, but I couldn’t enjoy the moment because of my nervousness that Alec might know I did it.”

“I walked out and across to the lounge where Alec and I had been sitting before, but that was making me feel upset, so I came back into the rec room and started a game of pool-- wondering where Leaf was! Leaf was my date tonight-- a very darling Verbena male with black, shoulder-length wavy hair and piercing blue eyes…”

Nettle was holding her pool cue, and started drifting off thinking about Leaf’s eyes. Smiling to herself, she started hitting the balls again-- sliding the cue forcefully through her hands. When the knock at the door came, she dropped the cue guiltily and ran up to answer it. “Hey, Nettle! Sorry I’m late-- you know how unpredictable the hours can be when you’re training with the high priest!”

Smirking slyly, Nettle answered, “Yes, I know that very well…but I wouldn’t call it ‘training’ when I'm with him!” They both laughed, and walked outside arm-in-arm-- Nettle feeling like she’d been washed clean of her thoughts of Alec as the cool November air enveloped her.

They walked to Leaf’s car, and Nettle paused expectantly-- waiting for Leaf to come open her door-- but she could tell his mind was occupied by something else. Opening her own door, she thought, “Alec ALWAYS opens my door for me,” and a pang of confusion went through her. Brushing it away, she sat down and smiled at Leaf, and he smiled back as he started up the engine. She exhaled in relief at the attraction she felt for him, and enjoyed the ride to the Pie.

Upon entering the Pie, she saw the group of Wiccans that they were going to the Hole concert with sitting at a corner table with the pizzas already laid out. Smiling, she grabbed Leaf’s hand and they jogged over to the table.

“Nettle! Leaf! How good of you two to finally join us! Hope we’re not interrupting anything pleasant!” a Wiccan girl with cropped brow hair joked. Nettle laughed enthusiastically and threw her arm around Leaf’s shoulders.

“No, Aspen, unless you consider unholy thoughts pleasant!” The group laughed and started grabbing slices of pizza from the pans. Leaf picked up a large piece and turned to Nettle-- offering to feed it to her. Nettle brought her head forward and took a bite out of the pizza, and suddenly a tiny shock went through her as she remembered doing this very thing with Alec only minutes after sleeping with him for the first time. The energy seemed to drain from her as she chewed numbly-- feeling like maybe she shouldn’t be here after all. Leaf picked up on her aura-shift and looked concerned.

“What’s wrong, Nettle?”
“Not a thing, not a thing…have you spoken to Veil since last week?” Nettle asked quickly. At the mention of Veil’s name, Aspen’s head perked up.

“I talked to her,” Aspen informed them. “So, Nettle, you’re finally joining a cabal? What-- isn’t the Order of Our Lady of Salt exciting enough for you?” Aspen smiled inquisitively. “Or do you have ulterior motives for living in that hulking Chorister-nest?”

Nettle laughed a little too loudly and shook her head. “Veil told me I could learn a lot from joining this cabal…what extracurricular activities I find in there are my own business, Aspen!” she answered, trying to sound natural.

Aspen nodded and answered, “Here’s hoping you find LOTS of extracurricular activities!” The group raised their plastic glasses and clinked them together shouting, “Here, here!” and then went back to their eating.

Leaving the Pie, the Wiccans got in their respective cars and drove out to the Saltair palace/amphitheatre on the Great Salt Lake for the Hole concert. Parking, they re-formed as a group, and entered the large, Arabian-style building. They arrived just as the Breeders were finishing their set after opening for Hole, and started trying to maneuver their way as close to the front of the stage as they could. Brushing past a group of people, Nettle accidentally knocked unto a girl who was a little taller than her with long, wavy, blonde hair.

“Sorry!” she called, trying to follow Leaf while holding his hand. The girl smiled and nodded. When Nettle was out of sight, the girl turned to her friends.

“Donna, Jeremy-- no offense, but I can’t stand couples like that who smack obliviously into the rest of us in their little cloud of love!”

“Oh, Lisa! You’ll find someone to smack into other people with-- don’t worry about it!” Donna answered, snuggling back into Jeremy’s arms contentedly.

After having to wait a stifling hour for Courtney Love to finally make her appearance with the band, the testy lead-singer finally ran out with her trademark mint-green guitar, threw her leg up on her speaker, and the music began pounding out of the giant amps. Nettle found herself in the middle of a violent mosh-pit, and a smile curled her lips. Letting go of Leaf’s hand, she plunged through the jumping head-bangers until she found the cyclone-- the center, and most dangerous area of the mosh-pit. Throwing herself into it, she was pushed back violently by a shorter girl with bright pink dred-locks, but smashed right back into her until she was being thrown around haphazardly by the other cyclone-riders.

A few songs later, she saw Leaf’s head appear at the border of the cyclone. Catching his eye, she grinned at him through the blood running down her forehead from a small cut, and waved him in. He pushed his way in, bent over and threw Nettle over his shoulder, and forced his way back out again. He continued carrying her over his shoulder through the back door, and out onto the boarded pier where he finally set her down. Nettle’s eyes were blazing with excitement from the cyclone, and she smiled up at him.

“Why’d you take me out-- you know how much I love being thrown around and smashed into?” Nettle laughed.

“Yes, you’re quite a character, Nettle! I’ve never been out with anyone like you-- it’s quite a turn-on!” Leaning over, he kissed her quickly, and taking her hand, pulled her further out onto the pier. Nettle started feeling fear and worry as she realized how all her dates always end; fear because she suddenly didn’t want to get intimate with Leaf, and worry because she didn’t know why. She sat down like an automaton as he sat down, and began kissing him back automatically when he started kissing her. After a few minutes of kissing and pondering her fear and worry, she suddenly came back to reality and realized Leaf was unzipping the back of her shirt. Her hands flew up to his and stopped them there.

“Leaf-- not here! We’ll….we’ll fall in the water!” she stammered.
“That would be interesting!” he smiled, and gently started at the zipper again.
Grasping his hands more firmly, she whispered, “No…please…let’s uh, wait until after the concert, OK?” Leaf looked confused for a second, and then nodded slowly.

“All right, Nettle. This isn’t like you-- it must be a time-of-the-month-thing, right?” he asked in confusion. Pausing in silence for a moment, Nettle suddenly burst out laughing.

“That might explain it!” Looking relieved, Leaf suddenly threw himself on top of her and began kissing her energetically-- Nettle’s head falling back and her hair trailing in the water below. The excitement of it all caught Nettle off-guard, and she began kissing him back with equal passion. Then something caught her eye-- her ring flashing in the moonlight. The ring Alec had given her. She stopped kissing Leaf and stared at it as if in a trance. Suddenly she pushed her way out from under Leaf and jumped to her feet. Running as if pursued, she fled back into the building-- her wet hair fanning out behind her.

As she burst into the amphitheatre, Courtney Love was screaming out, “Go on! Take everything! Take everything-- I want you to!” and Nettle was suddenly filled with a rage that Alec could mess up her mind...her date...her in-control life like this. People were pushed out of her way in surprise as she marched up to the cyclone and threw herself in violently. “Take everything! Take everything! Take everything! Take everything!” Nettle flung her body around in anger shouting the words out with Courtney. She was pushed extra-hard from the back, lost her balance, and fell to the floor-- hitting her head and seeing stars. She felt many hands all around her-- lifting her, passing her along, carrying her-- and felt herself going in and out of consciousness. The next thing she remembered, she was laying behind the partition separating the crowd from the stage, with three burly men in yellow golf shirts looking down on her.

Seeing that her eyes were open, one of the concert-staff held out his hand and helped her up. Blinking disorientedly, she saw Leaf standing off to the side looking at her in concern. “Be careful next time, miss-- that mosh-pit is a dangerous place,” another of the men in yellow advised her. She nodded, thanked him and made her way over to Leaf.

“Is it all right if we go now?” Nettle asked unsteadily. Leaf’s face fell, but he nodded quickly.

“Wait here and I’ll tell the others we’re leaving.” Nettle leaned against a wall in a daze and waited. After about 15 minutes, Leaf came back and held out his hand. She took it without speaking, and followed him to his car. Once inside, Nettle spoke.

“Leaf-- I know I haven’t been much of a date tonight, but would you please just take me back to the church, and I’ll give you a rain-check for next week?” Leaf’s eyes studied hers for a few seconds, and he nodded and started up the car.

“It isn’t me, is it? Just tell me what it is so I don’t go around wondering what I did wrong if it isn’t,” he requested. Nettle turned her head and answered enthusiastically.

“Oh, it isn’t you at all! You’ve been great-- perfect, even!” she reassured him, putting her hand on his leg. “I’m just feeling really off tonight-- please forgive me.” Leaf smiled and nodded.

“All right, but if I let this get out, your reputation around the coven is going to be screwed!” They both laughed at this, and joked and teased the rest of the ride back to the church.

As they drove into the church parking lot, Nettle saw that Alec’s car was there, and sudden excitement flushed her system. Then she noticed the couple standing at the bottom of the steps leading to the front door.

“I told Leaf to continue around to the other side of the parking lot, and directed him to park where I would still be able to see the front of the church. We parked, and I told him to wait a minute. He saw me looking at the couple, and started watching them, too. It was Alec and Rachel, and they were making-out. Joy! Just great! If the spike of jealousy that went through me at that moment were real, I would have ripped it from my heart and plunged it into hers!”

“Another couple minutes crawled by, and then a taxi pulled up. Rachel made some kind of grinding-move against Alec, and he smacked her butt as she walked away, and the next thing I knew I was commanding Leaf to take me to his apartment immediately. Well, Dear Diary, you don’t get to hear what happened at Leaf’s apartment, but it was very angry, frenzied, and satisfying! So be happy for me, OK? No, don’t be happy for me. I’m miserable. And now that I’ve told you everything that happened tonight, I still don’t feel any better. I’m staying right here in my room…in my clothes…with my dagger, and that’s just the way it has to be."