It has been very difficult for me to think of much else lately, other than the war, and my 101 questions that go along with it. I wonder, how seriously will it affect us here in Macedonia? Will we have to go home? Should we go home? Will the region destabilize to that extent - will there be that much anti-Americanism? If we do get evacuated, will I get another invitation to start my service over somewhere else, or will I go home and apply to grad schools? I am not able to travel to the capital tomorrow with Jasminka for the agricultural composting seminar, and the meeting for the traveling internet resource bus project, because we are not allowed to leave our sites. Upon hearing this, my heart sank.
Jasminka did not seem to understand the degree of threat. I tried to explain to her that it was nothing to do with Macedonia, and that PC was just being protective. She seemed a little hurt, which of course I didn't want. I am sure Macedonia is safe for Macedonians, but is anywhere safe for Americans? Maybe we are in danger wherever we go, people want to hurt us. I wish I could just either pack and go home, or be assured that we won't have to leave. Like usual, I want what I can't have (a crystal ball, in this instance). I hate all this waiting and wondering, and I know that being in the Peace Corps requires me to live with a certain amount of ambiguity. This is something that it is difficult to be comfortable with at the level it is now. Apparently there have been some credible threats only today towards Americans in Europe, and thus the extra precautions.
I feel so bummed about the situation, I have not even gone for a walk for over a week. How pathetic of me, no wonder I sleep so much. Who knows what will happen in the future, I just want to be safe and stop worrying so much. I want our soldiers to do what they have to do, and come back home to their families.