I chose to spend the rest of my 45 days (July 7th to August 22nd) at home in California or as the Peace Corps would call my �home of record� � to choose a local doctor, get the show on the road with the surgery preparations and the accompanying Workman�s Compensation paperwork, and also to get away from the worst roommate I�ve ever had.
It�s not even worth its own paragraph to discuss the details of the situation � but in brief, she was just absolutely horrible. She hated me with a passion that was undeserved simply because I had the bad luck to share �her� room. You�d think that all the PCVs that PC places in the same hotel (Arlington Suites in Arlington, VA) on their medical evacuations would show a little friendship and positive attitude towards each other � but unfortunately some people don�t see anything else but their own needs and everyone else be damned. I think the reason she was brought into my life was just to remind me to not bend over backwards to be nice to people who are obviously abusive to me! So if you�re out there J.D. � thanks a lot. No, really.
I flew back to California on July 21st via Houston, Texas � or was it Dallas? Hmm. In any case it was Texas, and I was only there for a couple of hours. That last afternoon when I�d walked out of Peace Corps Headquarters in Washington D.C., I just felt so forlorn and lost. As my mom and I stood on the sidewalk in the muggy sunshine outside the doors for a moment, I looked up at the skyscrapers all around me, and thought �I�m free-I�m lost-It�s over-Just let me go home now� and a combination of many other feelings that I couldn�t even put into words if I�d tried.
In a clearer frame of mind, I can honestly say that in some ways it�s only just beginning � and no, I don�t mean the nightmare of paperwork for Workman�s Comp! I mean the innumerable ways that I can apply my Peace Corps experience to the �rest of my life�.
But in that moment, I just felt a profound loss. I pictured my village and realized that despite all the things I had done in my village, I was now just a number, likely to call PCGQ and be put on hold and forgotten. A sense of satisfaction, a sense of grief and bitterness, frustration and apprehension at the bureaucratic procedures for my medical care to come�But the important thing was what I did next � went to the closet-sized Returned Peace Corps Volunteer store the next block over, bought myself an RPCV button because they didn�t have any shirts to speak of, and took myself and my bags to the airport. All the time that I was en route I was listening to the Macedonian CD of traditional folk music that Irena and Justin had given me my last night in Skopje.
When landing later that night in the Sacramento International Airport, I happened to come down the escalator to claim my baggage and saw the same sign that I had been photographed standing near upon my initial departure for Staging in November 2002. If you look at those pictures on this site you will see the one where I was standing there with a really excited look on my face looking at the poster with someone on it who looked like Pinocchio. Anyway I saw that advertisement, and hadn�t seen it since right before I went up the escalator and looked over my shoulder to see my family standing there, trying to get as close to the edge of the wall as they could to continue taking my picture. I waved only for so long, and then, trying not to cry, I turned and kept walking, and I did not look back.
My mom asked me if I wanted another picture taken standing there, to kind of compare how I had changed. But as I had all that time before upon reaching the top of the escalator and turning and proceeding directly towards the security checkpoint, I just turned and walked away. For the second time in the same place, I chose to smile and go forward instead of making a temporary goodbye symbolic.