Some things are kind of a balance though � I miss the unconditional hospitality of the Macedonians, and the way everything is more relaxed and laid back, but I don�t miss the indirectness and face-saving and procrastination and disorganization, and so forth. In the U.S. I have come to appreciate more the honesty, lack of nepotism (relatively speaking) and directness of conversations but often feel irritated at how selfish and greedy many people seem to be.
I see many people every day who seem as though they will never truly be content; as soon as they acquire something else to brag about, it�s just on to the next possession. There�s something to be said for the American ideal of ever onward, forward, improve, change, bigger, better. But sometimes it seems to lead into a spiral of dissatisfaction and discontent in some people. I certainly have let go of a lot more of it. Maybe the real thing to be gained from these observations is that now I can incorporate the beautiful, wonderful aspects of the Macedonian culture into my life here, and adjust my stereotypical busy, materialistic American life to be more in sync with the kind of life I want to live.
One other thing that is interesting to explore is that, in many respects, I joined the Peace Corps to lead a more humble life. While I was in Macedonia, I had an old black and white television that didn�t work, a rotary phone that often didn�t work, and I washed dishes and clothes by hand (yes, I washed clothes by hand). I slept on a fold-out couch. I dealt with blown fuses and lack of stove/refrigerator/boiler on a near-weekly basis. I hung out with people who didn�t shower as often as I was used to shower, and I tried to live as they did. I ate food high in starch, never drove a car, had no health club for about 2 years, never had my nails done, walked on ice and mud to get to work, and wore the same watch for 13 months until it turned black against my skin.
Now that I am back in the U.S. and at times marvel at our consumer market and occasionally indulge myself, I wonder, what makes me so different from the people I was just bitching about.
Well, I never wonder for long, because I have certainly paid my dues. The difference I guess is that I don�t need the things, and I know (I have proven) that I can be happy without them. That surety is a wonderful feeling�and the novelty of all things convenient and nice will always be a novelty � something I know doesn�t exist for Macedonian people who I love, and I can appreciate every time I remember all that I didn�t have before, instead of it just being one more stepping stone in the endless staircase to bigger faster.