Disclaimer: A repudiation of a claim. So now we all know! :) Song and characters borrowed without permission and sent back unfed, unwashed and unfulfilled! Did you catch that one Diana? :) It was just for you!! :)
Rated - PG
Ah, my wonderful beta, Diana, who truly deserves a reward after putting up with so many tense changes that she almost pulled out her hair! :) Thanks always! And if anybody finds any that I missed, smile proudly and pat yourself on the back! :)
Notes: This was my second song challenge from DMSG, issued a long time ago, and as you can see, I've just finished it! :) Hope it passes muster!
More notes: This is a sequel to Feel Me, Feel My Love which I posted two days ago. Keep that in mind and you'll be safe...maybe!
Special notes: My damn Methos muse is rather pissed off because he hasn't gotten any in a really long time, so if this affects your muse--TOO BAD! I hate suffering alone! :)
Still Crazy After All These Years
***
Crazy-Impractical-Incapable of dealing efficiently with practical matters
***
I met my old lover on the street last night
(S)He seemed so glad to see me, I just smiled
And we talked about some old times and we drank ourselves some beer
Still crazy after all these years, still crazy after all these years
Practical is not a word I would associate with my feelings for Duncan MacLeod. The man makes all rational and logical thoughts go directly out of my head, and I end up thinking with a lower part of my anatomy. Oh, instinct stays, my survival instinct anyway. I know when it�s time to move on. It�s just, sometimes I forget that there is another side to that coin. Sometimes it�s okay to stay.
Lover is a strong word to describe what he and I were to each other. We had occasionally shared a bed in which we hadn�t only slept...too clinical. I�m not going to say we were fuck buddies because there was more there than that. Well, not in the most literal terms. We were buddies, and we did fuck each other...hell, maybe that was what we were.
I wonder what would have happened to us if I�d accepted what he was offering me. Would we have eventually meant more to each other? Would he have declared his undying love to me? Would I have said those words to him? Who knows? The only thing I am sure of, is that I was scared. He wanted more from me than I ever thought possible to give to another Immortal. He wanted my heart and soul.
Sometimes, I wish that he had taken my head after everything happened with the Horsemen. Just finished it completely. He�s the only person in the world that I would let take my head. Maybe then, he�d understand me, understand why I�m so afraid of making a commitment, of making a mistake, of getting hurt.
After that whole fiasco with the Horsemen was over, I stuck around even though I should have run for the hills. I hung on to the thin threads that bound us together, the reasons that I wasn�t dead by Cassandra�s hand, and hoped that with time, we could heal the wounds that separated us. But it took so long--eventually it got too hard and I left.
I�m not the kind of man who tends to socialize
I seem to lean on old familiar ways
And I ain�t no fool for love songs that whisper in my ears
Still crazy after all these years, still crazy after all these years
That was six years ago. So, what the hell am I doing here now? I have no clue. I could be noble and say things like, Joe�s getting older and I want to spend some time with him. Selfish? Selfless? I suppose I could tell the truth and say I missed Duncan�s face. And his eyes, and his hands, and while we�re at it, his ass. I wonder where that would get me.
I knew going to Le Blues Bar was just asking for trouble, but I can�t resist a challenge. Joe greeted me with open arms, looking a little older around the edges, but still the same Joe I know and love. A handful of beers later, I felt a presence wash over me. It was familiar and comforting, and I was nervous and excited at the prospect of seeing Duncan again.
Oh my gods! He was more beautiful than I remembered. Not many men are beautiful, but he is. His hair was long again, and loose around his shoulders, the soft waves caressed his face. Deep brown eyes met mine, and I saw the shock there, as realization took over. He clapped me on the back and sat down next to me. Joe handed him a beer, and it was just like old times. Well, except that I knew I�d be going home alone.
Four in the morning, I�m tapped up and yawning, lorning my life away
I never worry, why should I, oh yeah, it�s all gonna fade
We drank for hours. I don�t think I�ve talked or laughed so much in the past six years. I�ve missed it, the companionship, the security. The love. These two men and I make up one of the weirdest families, and I don�t know how I lived without them. I don�t know if I can live without them anymore.
They both offered to drive me home, but I needed the walk to help clear my head. I�ve got some decisions to make, and the freedom of the outdoors always helps.
My empty flat greets me with its silence. Automatically, I head for the fridge for a beer, but stop instead and rest my head against the coolness of the door. What am I doing? I slip my coat off and take my sword to bed. A psychologist would have a field day with that one! Sleep tickles the edges of my consciousness, and I lunge for it, hoping peace will come within its confines.
Now I sit by my window and watch the cars roll by
I fear I�ll do some damage one fine day
But I would not be convicted by a jury of my peers
Still crazy after all these years, still crazy after all these years
Dreams are the most unpredictable things. They�re uncontrollable, disturbing and sometimes, totally accurate. Why does my subconscious know what my head isn�t willing to admit? I know, I know. That�s why it�s called the subconscious, stupid!
I can�t believe I�m doing this, even as I drive to the barge. It�s insane, it�s crazy, it�s impractical. It�s what I�m gonna do. I hope I survive! Duncan has no idea what�s coming. I left here six years ago after promising him two things, and I always keep my promises.
His car�s here, but he isn�t, so I sit and wait on the deck. Stripping down to a smile and waiting for him in bed crosses my mind, but I�m still not a hundred percent sure that he�s willing to take me back as his lover. If he is, this time we�ll be lovers in every sense of the word. It�s taken me long enough to realize I want that, and I only hope that he�s willing to take that trip with me. It would be one hell of a ride.
I thought I�d learned everything about myself in my five thousand odd years, but I was wrong. Survival doesn�t mean just being alive, it also means living. And I want to live, and I want to do it with Duncan by my side. I don�t want to leave anymore; I�ve found the place where I want to stay. Where I belong.
I feel him before I catch sight of his glorious body. My heart pounds in my chest as he draws closer. What am I going to do if he says no?
�Methos?� There�s a question within his question.
�Duncan.� The answer.
Still crazy after all these years
The end.
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