With a Memory Like Mine

Present time-October

Jim Ellison was fastidious by nature, and disorganized spaces really drove him nuts, so when he'd opened his closet and seen the mess, he'd been forced to clean it. Sure, there were hundreds of other things he could and probably should be doing, but they would all have to wait until he had set the closet to rights again.

Lifting a pile of sweaters off the floor, he uncovered a camera. His camera, the camera that he took on vacations. Checking, he saw that there was still a roll of film inside, more than half used. Closing his eyes, he tried to remember the last time he'd used it.

Flashback-June

It was an unusually beautiful summer day, and he and Blair had taken advantage of it. They'd packed a picnic lunch and Jim's two surfboards and hit the beach. Jim had waited all winter to show Blair how to surf, and he was really looking forward to it.

They had been lovers on and off since they met, unable to deny the attraction, unwilling to deny what they wanted. There had been other lovers, but by some unspoken agreement, neither man had been with any other man. It had taken a near death experience for Jim to finally admit to himself, and Blair, that he was in love with the younger man. That had been nearly five months ago.

Jim had taken quite a number of pictures of Blair trying to surf, and even more of Blair's body in the form fitting wet suit. It had been a wonderful day, and when they'd arrived home, they had made love on the kitchen table, unable to wait until they got upstairs. Life was good!

Present time-October

Smiling to himself, he remembered every detail of that day. The surf, the sun and Blair's incredible smile, his chest ache with the intensity of his feelings. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

More images came to him, of another trip, a camping trip only two months ago.

Flashback-August

Summer had been kind to them. The heat wave had only lasted about two weeks, just long enough to make the middle of July miserable to everybody except Blair, who had relished the heat, soaking it up like he was replenishing his reserves for the long, wet winter to come.

The break between summer classes and the fall term was the perfect time for them to go camping, and Jim had take off a few extra days, wanting to soak up his own personal brand of warmth in the form of Blair Sandburg.

The first two days, they didn't leave the tent except to commune with nature and eat. Summer classes were more pressure on Blair because of their shortness and intensity, though he wouldn't trade them for anything. But because of that pressure, they had spent a lot of time apart lately, sometimes only seeing each other for brief kisses before falling asleep wrapped in each other's embrace. They had time to make up for.

They hiked and fished and swam, and made love again and again. And Jim was rarely without his camera. He had few pictures from his past, so when he and Blair had committed to each other, he'd sworn to change that. They had albums full of pictures now, of memories.

Present time-October

Remembering the box of pictures, Jim pulled it down and set it on the bed. Vivid images of the past ten months leaped out at him-his birthday, Blair's birthday, Naomi finding out they were together, poker games, baseball games. It was all in that box.

An idea started forming in Jim's head, curling itself around his heart. Slowly, he let it take shape and then acted on it. Finishing off the roll of film in the camera, Jim rewound it quickly. He had a lot to do today. Gathering up the box of pictures and the roll of film, he left the house, a man on a mission.

The promised hour later, Jim sat in his truck and looked at the newly developed pictures. Blair, and more Blair, and even more Blair. Oh god, Blair.

Jim started the truck, and headed out.

Flashback-September

A motionless form in the fountain...dark hair...not breathing...CPR...no heartbeat...he's dead...this can't be happening...there...his heart...breathe baby...I love you...

Present time-October

Alex Barnes had tried to kill Blair, and she'd nearly succeeded. Only luck had allowed Jim to find Blair in that fountain, but luck only went so far. After Blair's heart had started beating and he was breathing on his own, Jim had stepped back and smiled in relief, but his relief was short lived. Brief consciousness had given way to unconsciousness and then later, to a deep coma. Since that day-that wonderful, terrible day when Jim had lost Blair and found him only to lose him again, Blair had fought off pneumonia and other less serious infections, but never once shown any sign of coming around. Jim was hopeful--he had to be hopeful. Jim clung to the hope as the other aspects of his life crumbled around him.

Blair was all he had left. Simon had placed him on administrative leave after a particularly bad zone out that had nearly cost another officer his life. Jim admitted to himself that he couldn't function without Blair by his side, so he turned off his senses. Only it wasn't that simple, they refused to be turned off completely, spiking at random on things that had never affected him before. It was debilitating.

Jim parked his truck and headed into the hospital, carrying his box of pictures plus the newly developed ones. For thirty-four days, Blair had lain in a coma, a male sleeping beauty, and for each of those days, Jim had been there for hours on end, starting and ending each visit with a kiss in hopes that his young lover would wake up. If only...

Kissing Blair's soft lips, Jim leaned down and whispered into his lover's ear, "I love you, Blair."

Jim pulled a chair close to the bed, setting the box next to Blair on the bed. He removed the new ones from their package and began to show them to the comatose younger man.

"Remember this trip, Chief?"

He continued his one-sided conversation, making comments, reliving the days, until all of the pictures had been shown. Then he started on the ones in the box. He paused intermittently to sip at a glass of water, not even stopping when the nurses came in, often telling them about the pictures, just reliving each memory.

When the box was empty, Jim realized that Blair and his bed were covered in the discarded photos. Blair was covered in the memories of their life. The symbolism shook Jim to his core, and suddenly he had to get out, take a walk, and get some air. Leaving the photos where they were, he slowly walked down the hallway to the lounge.

Upon his return, Jim heard the doctor talking to a nurse in Blair's room, and blessed his Sentinel hearing for not deserting him.

"They look like they were really in love," the nurse said softly.

Jim heard the doctor sigh, as he picked up one of the multitude of pictures.

"Do you think he'll ever come out of it?" the nurse asked.

The doctor cleared his throat, "He's getting stronger every day. He's breathing better; he hasn't had a fever in days. I don't see any reason for him not to make a full recovery. We just have to be patient."

Jim pushed open the door, only sparing a glance at them, his eyes fixed on Blair's still form. The nurse and doctor finished their exam and left the two lovers alone again.

Glancing at all the pictures that were spread over the bed, Jim began picking them up and putting them back in the box. Stopping to look at one of them again, Jim had a new idea. Hurrying out to the desk, he grabbed what he needed, not even asking the nurse on duty.

Curiosity got the better of her, and she rose to see what the detective was up to. She had been Blair's nurse since he had been brought in and had seen first hand the devotion and love that the larger man displayed towards his younger lover.

Opening the door, the nurse stood dumbfounded at the sight before her. The detective had covered the wall and part of the ceiling with pictures.

"What...what are you doing?" she asked, amazed at his speed.

Looking over his shoulder at her, Jim smiled, "I want these memories to be the first thing Blair sees when he wakes up."

Genuinely impressed with him and his love, she stepped forward and started helping him tape up the pictures.

Hours later, long after the shift had changed, and darkness had fallen, Jim gathered up his empty box and his coat. Leaning over to kiss his sleeping beauty good night, he again whispered into Blair's ear.

"I love you, Blair."

Straightening, Jim caressed Blair's hand one more time, then turned and headed for the door. Only Sentinel hearing could have heard the words pushed out with a soft exhalation of breath, "Love you."

Rushing back to Blair, Jim kissed him again, and Blair's eyes opened. They were surrounded by memories.

The end.

Who Needs Pictures-Brad Paisley

There's an old Kodak camera inside my dresser drawer
I ran across it just this afternoon
And I realized that I don't ever use it anymore
In fact, last time I did, I think it was with you
When we were down in Cozumel
We had the whole beach to ourselves
And it's crazy now to think
It's all there on that film
And I could take it o the store
To be developed but what for
I can still see everything just fine
Who needs pictures with a memory like mine

Standing there I couldn't help but think about
Everything that might be on that roll
I think it eve has another trip we took
I guess that must have been three years ago
When we were down in Baton Rouge
And there wasn't much to do
So we drove into New Orleans every afternoon
And I swear that you would think it was only yesterday
Cause I still see everything just fine
Who needs pictures with a memory like mine

Somewhere in my closet
There's a card board box just sitting on a shelf
It's full of faded memories
And it's been there since the night you left
Oh just forgotten photographs to remind me of the past
Oh but I can still see everything just fine
Who needs pictures with a memory like mine

### The End ###

Contact Author

[ Main | Links | Rings ]

You are visitor number to this part of my site.