A Simple Question

"Chief, you ever think about being a father?"

Blair turned slowly to look at the older man.

"What?"

"Did you ever want to be a father, Blair? Ever want to conceive a child, be there when it was born, watch it grow?" Jim asked, standing quickly and pacing.

"Is this because of today? Seeing Harry with his grandchild?" Blair asked hesitantly, stepping closer.

"Partially."

"What else?" Blair asked sitting on the arm of the couch.

"I'm almost forty here, Chief. I feel like, ah hell, I don't know. Maybe it's my biological time clock."

Blair laughed softly, but didn't interrupt.

"I feel like I'm missing something. I don't know," Jim finished.

"Like a wife?" Blair asked gently.

"No!" Jim answered harshly.

He knelt in front of Blair.

"No, sweetheart. I'm not missing a wife. I had one of the those, and it didn't work-"

"Maybe you need another one."

"I have what I need, right here, with you," Jim soothed, squeezing Blair's hand.

"But I'll never be able to give you a child," Blair said softly, his eyes downcast.

"You're about all the child I can handle, Chief," Jim said, stroking Blair's rough cheek.

Blair smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I'm serious, Jim. You should leave me and find a woman who can love you and give you the babies you deserve. You shouldn't have to feel an obligation to stay with me if you need more."

"An obligation, Blair?" Jim asked incredulously. "You're a privilege, and I'm never letting you go."

Jim pulled Blair firmly against him in a bone crushing hug. Losing Blair was the only fear the Sentinel of the Great City had; it had happened once, and Jim had vowed that it never would again.

Blair returned the hug with the same intensity; Jim was his life, his reason for existing, and he never wanted to lose what they shared; but if he couldn't meet all the needs of his Sentinel, then he had to let him go.

"You'll never have children if you stay with me," Blair whispered.

Jim pulled out of Blair's hug, looking deep into his partner's eyes, "Then I'll never have children."

"Jim," Blair sighed, "you said you wanted babies. I can't give you that."

"Listen to me, Chief," Jim said, moving them onto the couch. "There are things I want, and there are things I need, and there are things that I have to have, and sometimes they aren't the same things. It doesn't make what I do have mean any less to me. It makes what I do have more precious to me."

Jim sighed heavily before continuing, "Yes, I'd like to have kids, be a father, but I don't exactly have a good example of what a father is supposed to be like."

"Me either, babe," Blair agreed.

"What about you, sweetheart," Jim asked softly. "Do you want to be a father?"

"I don't think I could ever be a father, especially not knowing mine. Hell, I don't know if he even knows about me."

"You don't think Naomi told him?"

"I really don't know, and sometimes it pisses me off so bad. Do you know how hard it is give a medical history with only one parent?" Blair asked, shaking his head.

"Or when the parent you do have refuses to talk about the other one," Jim agreed.

"You do know," Blair said, smiling at his loved one. "So, what are we gonna do about you wanting to have kids?"

"Baby sit?" Jim teased.

"Only if we get paid!"

"True," Jim agreed.

"We could always become Big Brothers," Blair suggested.

"Now you're thinking, Chief."

"It's one of the things I'm good at, babe," Blair teased.

"Yeah? Care to show me what else you're good at?"

Blair jumped up and grabbed his coat.

"Where you going, Blair?"

"The speedway. You wanted to see what else I was good at," Blair said, laughing as he ran out the door with Jim hot on his heels.

Speedway my ass Jim thought, and then fumbled in his jacket pocket to make sure the lube was still there. Definitely the speedway and my ass!

The end!

Contact Author

[ Main | Links | Rings ]

You are visitor number to this part of my site.