Parent Teacher Conference

If the Gods had to attend Parent-Teacher conferences.........

Mrs.Matusi's 5th grade class......

"Come in, Mr. Zeus...Come in. Please take a seat, there are a lot of things we need to discuss today."

"The seats are rather small, Mrs. Matusi."

"Yes, I know - student desks, they're all we have funding for. I'm sorry for the inconvenience...watch your hem and try not to bang your knees. Well, Mr.Zeus we're here to discuss your children's school performance....let me see....AH YES! Apollo."

"He's a good kid...We don't have any problems with him at home."

"Oh I agree Mr.Zeus. He's a very bright child...very. But he is not really applying himself....He'd rather get flirty with the little girls; one of the river gods felt it necessary to turn his little girl into a tree because he wouldn't quit bothering her....I'm still not sure about his logic in the matter, but he felt it solved the situation. If we can just turn his attention to his schoolwork, I'm sure he'd really start to SHINE."

"Well, I'll talk to him about that....I'm afraid he's a bit of a chip off the old block, that's all."

"Yes...well, I can see that....one very good thing is that he is doing very well in is music class. He may be a prodigy. He should be encouraged."

"He is, Mrs.Matusi, in fact we were thinking of putting him in charge of the department himself."

"uhhhhh That's nice."

"Is that all Mrs.Matusi?"

"Well, no, Mr.Zeus....um...we need to talk about Ares....He has become a bully of late. Mostly instigating fights and then watching the results and laughing. His temper is really out of control, sometimes, and he becomes belligerent when asked to correct mistakes. Now I do understand he is the God of War, but if you do not get him to control himself, he is running the risk of expulsion."

"I promise I'll lay down the law when we get home about that behavior....I'm sorry. Anything else?"

"Yes. Athena. She argues every answer with the teaching staff. She insists she is wiser then everyone else and frankly it is stressing out Mrs. Patterson in Social Studies."

"I understand Mrs.Matusi....between me and you that girl is just one headache after another."

"And Heracles! Mr.Zeus, while I appreciate his help in moving the desks around for group learning, I'm afraid he did upset the other students last week when he strangled Mr.Wiggly, the class's pet snake, and I would appreciate it if you would replace or pay to replace him."

"No problem...does the school accept VISA?"

"Thank you that would be fine....but later. This is quite serious....I believe Dionysus came to school drunk yesterday. Please, Please, Please lock up your alcohol. I am thinking of having him assist the D.A.R.E. instructor when he comes to school next week to teach the student body if that's all right with you?"

"Yes....please do....um I'm worried about him too....I think it might be that fetal alcohol syndrome or something. His mother hit the sauce too much back then."

"OH Really? I'm sorry to hear that....Speaking of his mother....I hope this isn't too personal?...."

"Yes?"

"Well, it's just that I noticed that.....welllllll....that ALL the children in my class are yours. Hermes... Ate... Artemis... Dione.... Eos.... Eros... Eris. .Hebe... Helen... Hephaestus... The Hours, who by the way were caught speeding up the school clocks yesterday.... Iasion... Minos... Sarpedon.... the Muses...Perseus....etc etc. Mr. Zeus, most of your children seem to have different mothers who are not living with, or married to you either..."

"Hades No! Hera would kill them....that Goddess is so jealous...don't know why, really it's not like I ever tried to make any of them queen or something.... hehehehe.... um... cough. Um what was it you wanted to know Mrs. Matusi?"

"Well, Mr.Zeus I was thinking that alot of the infighting I'm seeing may be a result of the family structure you've created...maybe a trip to the school counselor could....."

"No I don't think that will be necessary....I can handle this I think...I am omnipotent you know."

"Well if you think you can handle it...but I don't know......ok. Do you have any questions for me before you go?"

"Just one....What time does MISTER Matusi get Home?"

Last updated: May 12, 2004