| Aries: | Just one. You want to make something of it? |
| Taurus: | One, but just TRY to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away |
| Gemini: | Two, but the job never gets done - they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! |
| Cancer: | Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process. |
| Leo: | Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo to do the job for them while they're out. |
| Virgo: | Approximately 1.0000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth. |
| Libra: | Er, two. Or maybe one. No - on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you? |
| Scorpio: | That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. |
| Sagittarius: | The sun is shining, the day is young and we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid light bulb? |
| Capricorn: | I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. |
| Aquarius: | Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so ... |
| Pisces: | Lightbulb? What lightbulb? |
