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I kicked Satans' ass
    I fucked Satan up. He gets all the credit for all the bad and evil things that happen on Earth, when he didn't deserve it. Now when bad things happen, blame me, LiquidMetalSJP. I'm the source of all evil now, I've taken over Satan's position as commander of Hell. Hell belongs to me. I own it and everyone in it. It wasn't hard breaking into Hell, Satan's minions, who now belong to me, were weak and pathetic. All I had to do was look at them and they burst into flames and died. His palace was easy to gain entrance to. When I had found him, he wasn't doing anything. He was a lazy mother fucker, to tell you the truth. After a brief conversation with him, I promptly stabbed him in the face with my biggest Confederate Flag, and it was all over. Hell was MINE. I decided to change some things though, because Satan was doing a pretty shitty job. I did Hell a favor by stealing Satan's soul. Hell was in ruins, his minions were weak, the souls were not being tortured properly, and people were having an okay time in eternal damnation, which is not good.

     First thing I did was to reconstruct the door to my palace, because I had destroyed it. After that I went to The Lake of Fire and commanded all the souls to be warriors in my army. Being in my army is more constructive then being eternally tortured. I kept the Lake of Fire to be a prison for all my minions who did not please me. I then issued all my minions and my army new weapons and armor, because Satan had the shittiest weapons and armor I had ever seen. I trained my army vigorously, so they know how to fight. They lust for battle and do not fear death. I then increased the security in Hell, for Satan had none. I constructed machine gun turrets all over Hell. They are special machine gun turrets though, they shoot flaming, wooden stakes. Now no one could enter Hell without my permission. Hell is the perfect fortress now.

     My first order of business is to go up to Earth and take the souls of everyone in France. Those cheese eating surrender monkeys are going to burn in Hell, literally. My minions are going to wreak havoc and destruction throughout the entire country. Canada is next, they aren't even a real country anyway. Then I'm going to taking out China. Those baby killing bastards are going down. Russia and there fucking submarines are as good as dead. I'll get the rest of the world some time, but those are my first priorities.
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