Months ago we started hearing rumors. The prison was abuzz with talk of an idea the Governor had come up with for the problem of over-crowding. And now I sit and wait to find if I won the guillotine lottery.
The idea was to take 100,000 prisoners of the own free will and give lethal
injection to 99,000 of them with the chance of being the one getting the placebo.
That prisoner would walk out with the Governor's pardon and a clean slate. There
were some conditions that had to be present to even be eligible. No Death-Row
inmates, rapists, murders, or really violent people. Mostly felony scammers,
but I guess there were men and women from all sorts of illegitimate backgrounds.
My story is pretty lame compared to most. Wrong
place at the wrong time, and a face that jury could see no love in. I was born
with a skin condition and my face is bearded with large bumps, even my hair
is falling out to give way, but that un-important.
Maybe that is the reason I signed on, tired of the pointing, 'the house' has
been as bad as third grade. So I went through all the interviews, maybe seven
in all. Meeting with lowly lawyers, creepy shrinks, sad clergy, fucking clowns!
Just asking the same questions over and over using slightly different words.
Not wanting to know what I wouldn't do via crimes, but what I would talk about.
See this was to be underground, so we couldn't talk
about. They wanted to make sure that who ever 'won' didn't run to the media,
hell it is a mass murdering. You also had to no history of suicide. It didn't
make sense to me at first, but they figured a guy that wanted to die wouldn't
have a problem blowing the whistle on them. At least that's the closest ides
I could come up with. The conspires junkies that were in loved it, and a couple
disappeared.
See this wasn't in just our house. There are millions off inmates, they were just taken a couple here and there. 100,000 just looks like a big number compared to 4 or 5, but compared to the fact some towns almost entire populace is a prison, it's little.
The interviews were very cat and mouse. I wanted find out things like what
happens to my body or what would my family be told, if I lost. They seemed like
a good questions, but the lawyers just hit the mute button on the other side
of the glassed interview both and talked together. No real answers. So I just
started to play along. I started to think of it as my little spy games, and
it got me out of some details. It just seemed surreal after awhile, like years
ago, looking to an appeal or parole hearing. Those days
were long gone, so I guess I liked it, well it was better then reading 'Of Mice
and Men' for the; shoot I don't even remember anymore. I can read it all in
less then twenty minuets if that's any indication. Every book in the library,
more than my age. So this was a kind outlet. It gave to my pillow.
So now I sit and wait. All strapped down and with hospital gown. I didn't get a last meal, hell I didn't get any food today. The prep and travel didn't allow for it. The thought of dying hungry seemed machine like for some reason. The lights were blinding and I just laid there. I heard sweet womanly voices, something I'd hadn't heard in years, but decided not to look at the faces. My closed eye images were just to pretty to bother with the truth. A man's voice saying it was time. The I.V.'s were already pumping and I knew he would just connect the line. I thought about all the men and woman that were killing all these other men and woman, except one. And I thought how long will I .......
©2003 Daniel J Harris