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fear and loathing on the digital plain

Wal-Mart

How to Have Fun at Wal-Mart

Well, first off, one must realise the importance of Wal-Marts in society today. First off, Wal-Marts provide things cheaper to those who can't afford to shop at higher quality stores. Although, all I ever see in there is minorities and Senior Citizens, and the poor people in our city. Personally, I wouldn't be caught dead in there. But, once, I did.

You see, once, we came along a Wal-Mart. Amused, and cold for that matter, we wandered in. The Tension mounts.

As we walked up to the entrance, we were nearly attacked by Youth Groups selling cheap cookies, and wheelchair sticken people selling American Flags. After laughing at these people, we entered. This is where the real fun begins...

First, we wandered around the store, and turned on all the blue lights we could find. That really distracts and confuses the attendents...Fun to do...

The first neat thing, is to go to the section of the store where they sell computers. Darkness engulf the earth the day they find Apple Computers being sold there. Instead, lesser computers like the laughable Vic-20 can be found there...Turn it on, and make sure nobody's looking...Then, once in Basic, type...

]10 PRINT "Fuck the world! Anarchy Rules!" (or something to that effect.)
]20 GOTO 10 and walk away.

Also, set the sample radios in the store to a santanic rock station, and turn the radio off. Then, set the alarm for two minutes ahead of the time displayed there. Turn the volume up all the way, and walk away. After about two minutes, you will see the clerk feebly attempt to turn the radio down or off. It's really neat to set ten or more radios to different stations, and walk away.

One of my favorite things to do, is to get onto the intercom system of the store. Easier typed then done. First, check out the garden department. You say there's no attendent there? Good. Sneak carefully over to the phone behind the cheap counter there, and pick it up. Dial the number corrisponding to the item that says 'PAGE'... And talk. You will note that your voice will echo all over the bowels of Wal-Mart.

I would suggest announcing something on the lines of: "Fuck Wal-Mart Brainwashing!!"

l i q u i db l u e

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