Author: Mistigri
E-mail: [email protected]
Pairing: Seifer/Zell
Rating: PG
Summary: Song fic. Seifer decides that leaving is the best way to avoid coming between Zell and his friends.
Disclaimer: Blond cuties by Squaresoft, song by Phil Collins.
Notes: Written for a lyric wheel - the first version I started is somewhere in development Hell:s
***
Seifer pressed his forehead against the window and watched the platform disappear. He had hoped that Zell would have been there. He knew there was no way that Zell could have got the letter yet, the martial artist had no way of knowing that Seifer was leaving. All the same, Seifer wished, selfishly, that Zell could have been there, that he could have tried to stop his lover leaving, just to show that he cared.
It was better this way. Seifer wished there was a way he could have done what had to be done without hurting Zell, he should never have let it get so far. He wished he could have kept his promise.
//My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm. This bond between us can't be broken. I will be here don't you cry //
Zell went back to his room to open the letter from Seifer. He had guessed from Raijin's unusually downcast expression that it was not good news. Otherwise, why would Seifer write him a letter instead of saying it to his face?
He opened it slowly and began to read. Seifer explained that he was leaving. He couldn't come between Zell and his friends any longer. He couldn't jeopardise the martial artist's position in Garden and destroy his dream of becoming a fine soldier like his grandfather. Seifer was nothing but trouble. If Zell told the others he had come to his senses and dumped the Sorceress's Knight, they would forgive him and things would go back to the way they were. If Seifer stayed, he would only cause Zell more pain. It was better this way.
Zell screwed the letter up in his clenched fist as the tears welled up in his eyes. Seifer was wrong, the others were wrong. They didn't see Seifer the way he did, the way he really was, all they saw were his mistakes in the past. The Seifer they imagined would never have left Zell to spare him. They would say he left him out of cruelty. But Zell knew they were wrong.
// Why can't they understand the way we feel? They just don't trust what they can't explain. I know we're different, but deep inside us, we're not that different at all //
Zell dried his tears. He had to be strong. Because he knew, however far away he was, no matter how long they were apart, Seifer loved him. And one day he would come back. He had to.
He smoothed the letter back out, trying to undo the creases in the white paper. This letter was all he had of Seifer now. He would treasure it until he came back. He wouldn't tell the others that they had broken up, because in his heart, he knew he and Seifer were still together. It would be hard, and ironically, he needed Seifer more than ever at that moment. But he was strong, he'd show them they were wrong.
//Don't listen to them cause what do they know? We need each other to have, to hold They'll see in time I know//
Seifer sat on the beach and missed Zell. It had been only two weeks but it was almost a full time occupation for him now. It was a physical ache deep down inside him that he couldn't escape. The blue of the sky reminded him of Zell's eyes, the yellow sand of his hair. He couldn't close his eyes without seeing his lover's face. He wanted to get on the next ship back to Balamb and not stop until he had Zell back in his arms. But most of all, he wanted Zell to be happy and while he was around, he would only cause problems. Because of his past, his attitude, all the things the others couldn't forgive in him.
He hoped Zell understood. He wondered if he was hurting as much as he was himself right now. With Seifer gone, the other blond could go back to his friends and they would comfort him. He had to see that it was for the best. He'd be all right without Seifer in his life, he'd see it was better this way. Even without him there, Zell had to know he loved him and he'd be thinking about him always.
// When destiny calls you, you must be strong. I may not be with you, but you've got to hold on //
Seifer hugged his knees to his chest and let his head drop down. The breeze had turned chilly against his bare arms and he knew he should go back to the inn. However, he knew his bed would be as cold and empty as the beach. He was about to move when he felt something touch his shoulder.
Before his lips could form a question, they were silenced by Zell's. He was too stunned to move. He let the smaller blond push him down into the sand, pulling him tight to show he never meant to let him go again. Between kisses, Seifer chastised him, saying words they both knew he didn't mean. He demanded how his lover had found him though it didn't really matter. Zell described how he had requisitioned the Ragnarok. Squall had dismissed the idea as stupid, but the blond had countered that it was not nearly as stupid as going into deep space just to save one girl. Maybe Squall still didn't understand, but he'd let Zell take the ship.
Seifer was coming back with him to Balamb, no arguments, not that the blond felt he could have forced himself to make one. He was the single most important thing in Zell's life and the martial artist planned to make him keep his promise. The others would have to come around eventually. Until then, it didn't matter. The only thing that did was that they were together.
//No matter what they say, I'll be with you. You'll be here in my heart. I'll be there. Always//