Author: White Aster
Email: [email protected]
Rating: PG-13 (violence, swearing, general mercenary-ness)
Warnings: Yaoi/shonen ai overtones, if you wish to see them.
Archive: Ask first, please.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or their floating military academy.
They belong to Squaresoft forever and ever amen, and I only WISH I was making
money off this.
Author's Notes: Set, as you might guess, right after Squall's named Commander.
---------
*This is your fate.*
Anger is a useless emotion. It burns up energy to no purpose, sapping one's
resources. It is pointless to waste fuel and time in aggressive displays, is
much more efficient to channel one's energy into constructive action....
*It is your destiny to lead the way in defeating the sorceress.*
He found two grats right inside the door and had sliced through them in thirty
seconds, the heavy stroke of his gunblade pulling all the way through his arm,
the satisfying *klsplurk* as the blade sliced through the carapaces and
spattered green ichor in a wide swath across the dirt. He moved on.
The bodies had attracted others. He hadn't had to go far to find the next
pair, and then a loner, and then another pair, and another....
There were ammo caches at designated places in the Center, but when he ran out
of ammo, he went on without it rather than stopping long enough to reload.
Pure bladework was more satisfying anyway, feeling the strike and jarring
impact under his hands, bleeding out some of the anger he couldn't help,
couldn't swallow back, couldn't retreat from.
Squall wondered, somewhere in the back of his mind, if single-handedly
decimating the monster population of the training center counted as
"constructive."
*Don't talk about this like it's been decided since my birth!*
Cid had answered him, begun to reply with something about duty and being the
best for the job. Squall had ground his teeth together so hard he was
surprised he didn't break something and asked at the first opportunity if he
was dismissed. Cid had looked at him silently for a moment, thinking Hyne knew
what, and had finally nodded a bare second before Squall pivoted and stalked
for the elevator.
As soon as he'd left Cid's office, it had seeped under every defense he had, a
pure red tide that had left him shaking on the ride down to the main floor.
His hand clutched his 'blade hilt, and without even thinking about it he'd
found himself in the humid heat of the Training Center, grat guts joining the
blood and machine oil on his gloves from the fight in FH.
*How could he do this? The bastard.... 'If anyone has any objections'....
What choice did he give ME? I don't need this, I don't WANT this--*
He decapitated the latest grat with a neat sweeparound, hearing the body and
tentacles hitting the dirt behind him with multiple thumps.
*--I can't DO this.*
Breathing hard, he planted the tip of Shear Trigger in the dust, wiping
stinging sweat from his eyes with his sleeve, trying not to replace it with any
of the other numerous caustic fluids he was now covered in. He listened to his
heartbeat starting to slow, the pounding slowly receding until he could hear
again. He turned to look over his shoulder at the trail of destruction winding
back through the trees and almost laughed, starting to shake with the
adrenaline still singing in his veins.
And then the T-rex stood up not fifty feet away from him, and he had two
seconds to swing into a defensive posture before it was on him, a mass of
muscle and teeth bypassing the dead grats for this new, bloody-smelling rival
in its territory. In that two seconds, he had two thoughts: first, that he
must have nearly tripped over the damned 'rex and not even noticed, and second
that he really should have taken a few more junctions before coming in here.
He dodged the first clawswipe, felt talons as long as his gunblade swish past
his face and score the mud in front of him. He slashed at the 'rex's leg,
wheeling away as he reached for Shiva, and felt the icy uncoiling in his mind
as the rex's tail swiped him off his feet. He hit the tree side-on, smashing
his sword-arm between his body and the trunk but managing to not drop his
'blade. His vision whited out for a minute as he panted, hearing the 'rex's
roar among the crinkle and crash as Shiva swirled in and leveled it with a
blast of razor-sharp ice before fading away again. He gathered his wits just
in time to see the 'rex, patched white with frost and frozen blood and much
more pissed off for the experience, swing its heavy head down at him. He dove
on instinct, dimly feeling several bones in his injured arm and hand grind
together as he rolled over them.
The T-rex's teeth snapped through the tree he'd been slumped against, shaking
the tree in a snapping flurry of leaves before, with roar, tossing it aside
like a toothpick. Squall used its distraction to call forth one of the new
spells he'd drawn from FH. New, untried, but it had tasted like ozone and
sulphur, crackling almost painfully along his nerves before settling into him.
It burst from his hands, detonating in the 'rex's face. Squall was thrown
off-balance by the rush of wind in and then out as the spell exploded in a
blinding, plasma-white sphere a little too close for comfort.
*Holy shit. Does Dobe know that's what's hanging around his house?*
He blinked, trying to clear his vision so he could see what might be left of
the 'rex. They saw each other at the same second, and the 'rex, swaying but
still very much alive, swiped its muscled tail at him with a screech.
And Squall realized that he couldn't feel whether or not his gunblade was in
his hand anymore.
Time slowed. He threw himself backwards, knowing that he was too close, his
mind scrabbling for Shiva, knowing that he might be dead before she could get
there, and wondering exactly what happened to GFs if the junctioner died. He
hit the ground wrong, his feet going out from under him and his back hitting
the dirt with a breath-stealing thump as the scaled tail soared right over him.
He lost sight of the 'rex, but got a wonderful view of Quezacotl's entrance as
she burst into existance right above him, close enough for every hair on his
body to twitch on end in the dance of electricity. He had the presence of mind
to close his eyes before the flash of lightning blinded him...again.
A bone-shaking clap of thunder, the rush of air from crackling wings, and then
Squall felt the ground beneath his back shake.
"Fuck, Squall! What the HELL are you doin'?"
He opened his eyes to a pair of blue eyes still shot with lightning-white from
the summon. Hands grabbed the front of his jacket and hauled him effortlessly
to his feet, and he hissed as his arm and hand picked just that moment to start
hurting.
"What? You hurt?" Zell's hands loosened a bit, still holding Squall upright
as he got his feet back under him.
"Arm and hand. Where's my gunblade?"
"Over there somewhere. Just like you to worry about it when you're torn up.
Here--" The flash of Cura-green through him was heaven, making him want to
slump in relief. Instead, he stood and broke out of Zell's grip without
looking at him, going in search of his gunblade. He found it in the dirt, not
ten feet from the side of the half-frozen, spell-scorched, and lightning-seared
'rex corpse. Looking down at it, Squall could almost feel sorry for the ugly
thing.
"So, like, are you ready to get out of here, or you want to take on a few more
'rexes today?" Zell was nearly vibrating, the lightning gone from his eyes but
his voice tight.
Squall looked back at the thoroughly dead rex, at the trail of dismembered
grats. He shouldered Shear Trigger. "I'm done."
***
To his credit, Zell waited until they were in Squall's quarters to call the new
Commander of Balamb Garden an idiot.
"What the hell were you thinking, taking on a T-rex all by yourself with
what...one junction? Are you nuts?"
Squall did his best to ignore the still-bouncing Zell in his doorway, pulling
off his jacket and wincing at the feel of his bloodsoaked T-shirt clinging to
his ribs.
Zell thumped his fist against the doorframe. "Argh! You almost bit it back
there. What, you hate being a leader that much?"
Squall looked up. Whatever look was on his face, it struck Zell speechless.
Zell stared at him for a moment, then stepped slowly inside, letting the door
whoosh shut behind him. He stood there, eerily still. "Is that it? Is that
what that was all about?"
Squall looked away, feeling suddenly exposed. He threw his bloody jacket on
the desk chair and moved towards the closet.
"Squall?"
*Go away, Zell* "I don't want to talk about it, Zell."
"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me."
Squall pulled a fresh shirt out of the closet and crouched down to dig for
clean pants. "I wasn't trying to kill myself, Zell, all right? Is that what
you want to hear?"
"Yeah, but I'd feel better if you'd say it to my face."
Squall sighed into his bangs, crouching with his clothes in his hands and
suddenly too tired to get up. *And they say you're dumb....*
Standing was just as unpleasant as he'd expected, and he felt every cut and
muscle pull and acid burn on the way up. He turned, and Zell was still
standing there, waiting, for once looking like he had no intention of going
anywhere, even to bounce.
If it'd been Selphie, or Irvine, or even Quistis who'd asked, he would have
lied without thinking about it, sure that anything else he could say would just
earn him more questions, more hassle. But, as annoying as he could be, the guy
who always followed orders and fought like a fucking demon and had just saved
his ass deserved more than the first lie that came to mind.
So Squall stood, really thinking about it. Finally, he shook his head and met
Zell's eyes again. "I wasn't trying to kill myself."
Zell blew out a breath and leaned back, looking relieved, but his head thumping
against the wall, his eyes not leaving Squall's. "Y'know, it isn't such a
great sign that you had to think about it that hard." His voice went soft.
"Then what were you DOING, Squall? This shit isn't like you. Goin' tearing
through the Training Center with one junction, by yourself, with rexes around?"
He sighed again. "C'mon, baby, you're IMPORTANT--"
Anger flared up out of the ashes, and the gathered clothes hit the floor with a
slap. "Dammit, I don't WANT to be important! I don't want to be in charge! I
don't want everyone counting on ME, like I've got any fucking clue what we
should do! I don't WANT--" He stopped, brought up short by the fact that
Zell's eyebrows were up in his hair somewhere and he was looking at Squall like
he'd just sprouted wings and was clucking like a chocobo.
He shut his mouth with a snap. *Fucking hell. This is just not my fucking
day.*
But of all the responses, he didn't expect the one he got.
Zell chuckled.
Squall turned to look at him incredulously.
"Hell, don't stop there. Sounded like you were just getting warmed up." Zell
grinned. "Felt good, didn't it?"
Squall stared at him...and was amazed when he snorted and the tension ran out
of him like water. And then his lips twitched, and he had to turn away again,
because letting Zell see him smile would have just been the icing on the damn
cake. "Yeah," he mumbled to the floor as he picked up his clean clothes again.
"Hyne. I sound like a damn four year old."
"Hey." Zell pushed away from the wall, taking a step forward and stopping, his
hands coming up into the air and hanging there for a second, like they weren't
sure where to go. They settled for tapping one fist into the other palm.
"S'okay, man. Everyone needs to let go every once in awhile." There was the
grin again. "You don't even want to KNOW what I do when it all builds up."
Squall found himself wondering....and realized he was rubbing his right wrist
nearly raw where a splash of grat blood was itching like hell. He snagged his
towel again, and hesitated. Finally, he just said, "Thanks, Zell."
Zell laced his hands together, stretching up onto his toes, rocking back and
forth, still grinning. "Sure thing, baby!"
Squall rolled his eyes as he started to move past Zell on the way to the door.
*I wonder if being Commander means I can order Zell to stop calling me 'baby'.*
He was startled at the hand that appeared on his shoulder. "Hey...Squall?"
He turned, and this close, barely inches away, Zell's quiet words weren't hard
to hear at all, even though he murmured them seemingly to his sneakers.
"You...you are important, you know. Not," he rushed to say, "because you're
Commander or High Grand Poobah or anything else they decide to call you. Not
even because you're in charge, just...because you're you, y'know? You're
important to...me n' to everyone else, not just everyone out in the halls
everyone, but Sefie and Quis and Irvine and Rin and all. We're...." Zell's
eyes when he opened them into the sunlight slanting through the window were
lightning-bright again. Leather creaked on Squall's shoulder, Zell's grip
tightening briefly. "We're your FRIENDS, Squall. And I don't want you to
think you've got to do this all alone...all right?"
Squall stood and watched as Zell, furiously blushing, gnawed on his lower lip.
*He looks like he's expecting me to hit him or something.... Not alone, huh?
I sure don't feel it....* But the automatic cynicism rang hollow in his mind,
and he found his fingers reaching up, haltingly, to lay over the gloved hand on
his shoulder, found his voice saying, "All right."
And then he moved past, out the door and towards the showers before his body
could do anything else to embarass the hell out of him.
And so he missed the sight of Zell, still in his room, looking down at his hand
like it had just sung the hallelujah chorus. He missed the grin that nearly
split Zell's face in two and the hand in question pumping a fist into the air,
the rest of Zell following through in a tight, silent kick of triumph before he
left, heading into the hallway, still grinning.