Author: Mistigri
E-mail: [email protected]
Pairing: Squall/Irvine
Rating: PG
Summary: Songfic. Irvine reflects on the past and his reunion with Squall
Disclaimer: Bish by Squaresoft, Lyrics by Hot Chocolate, I just put the two together.
***
I saw you all arrive and as recognition hit me, I suddenly felt shy. It was weird, it wasn't like me, but I'd never expected you to just turn up out of the blue like that. I guess I kinda felt I had to make an impression, show you all how much I'd changed from the shy kid you'd known. I wanted you to see how much I'd grown up and to like the man I had become.
That's why I didn't run out to meet you. I wanted to make an entrance, I guess. So I just lay there on the grass, playing it just so damn cool. To be honest my mind was spinning round like I don't know what - all the memories I'd half forgotten flooding back to me. I wasn't gonna be the one to bring them up, but I couldn't wait to talk about our past together, get lost in our memories and remember the good times we shared. Especially with you, Squall...
//It started with a kiss in the back row of a classroom.
How could I resist the aroma of your perfume.
You and I were inseparable
it was love at first sight.
You made me promise to marry you
I made you promise to be my wife//
Hell, it made me blush to think about it, we were so young and naive, but there was something about our innocence that warmed my heart. We were talking about the future, �though we had no idea then what that really meant. Selphie always read too many fairy tales, she was convinced she would marry a handsome knight, but not Seifer of course, even if he did grow up to be a knight. Zell wanted to be a soldier. Quisty was going through a boy-hating phase, probably Seifer's fault, actually, and was convinced she wasn't gonna get married, but she'd be a teacher or something and be married to her job. Then I remember Seffie asked about you, Squall. You looked at me and told me I was gonna be your husband. Of course I agreed and that that would make you my wife. It was so perfect, our dream. Of course, Seifer had to spoil it. He said that boys couldn't marry boys. You just said "why not?". That started one Hell of a fight. Matron didn't really tell us off, but she did say that anything was possible, if we wished for it hard enough, so I guess it was a victory for us in a way.
//But then you were only eight years old and I had just about turned nine.
I thought that life was always good
I thought you always would be mine.
It started with a kiss
never thought it would come to this.
It started with a kiss
never thought it would come to this.//
Yeah, we were best friends me and you, but even then, even though we knew nothing about love, it was more than that. The only other person who was anywhere near as close to you was sis. I remember when she left you were so upset. You'd stand outside hoping she would come back, even in the pouring rain. I'd watch you, I don't know if you ever noticed, but I was always there. You needed to be alone sometimes, but I understood. I would always be there when you needed me.
//I remember ev'ry little thing like fighting in the playground
cause a good looking boy had started to hang around.
That boy hurt me so bad
but I was happy 'cause you cried. - still -
I couldn't help but notice that new distant look in your eyes//
But kids grow up. They change. I guess back then I didn't want to change, I didn't want anything to change. But I could do nothing to stop it. You began to pay more and more attention to Seifer and I didn't like it. He was everything I wasn't, bold, brash, confident. I could sense it, I knew that if he chose to, he could steal you from me. I told him to back off, but it only made him laugh. So I did something I'd never done before. I started a fight.
Matron had to tear us apart. Seifer was stronger and better at fighting than me, but I had thrown my heart and soul into my fists. I gave him a bloody lip and a few bruises, but I was in no state to gloat. I had a black eye, a cut across my cheek and my whole body hurt. At the time I didn't notice, all I saw was you. You cried. It wasn't the first time, but it was only time you'd cried for me. I was glad. You were upset because Seifer had hurt me. I thought that meant you would choose me over him. He deserved nothing but your hatred for hurting the most important person in your life.
But I was wrong. I think I broke some illusion that day, some idea you had of me. I think you wanted to be the one who would always protect me, who would take care of me. But, by starting that fight, I had shown that I doubted you. I doubted your ability to save me from Seifer and I doubted your loyalty to me. Because from that day on, things were no longer the same between us.
//And then when you were sixteen
and I had just turned seventeen//
In time we were pulled apart, sent into foster homes, one by one. Zell was the first to go, and Gods, how we missed him. Cry baby, tattle tale or not, we wanted him back. Then the rest of us. I remember the last night we were together, I told you no matter how apart we were, no matter how long or far, one day we'd find each other again. I was sure of it, it was a certainty deep in my heart. But you just shrugged and said "maybe.".
Life moved on for all of us, but we all ended up drawn to Garden. Starting at Galbadia was a real new beginning for me. No one knew me or had any expectations of me, I could create a new image, the image of the man I wanted to be. I pushed all my fears and insecurities deep down inside myself and faced the world with a cocky grin. When I found you again, I wouldn't be afraid. I would be able to tell you how I felt. You'd see how much I'd changed, how much I'd grown and fall in love with me all over again. But it didn't quite turn out that way.
//I couldn't hold on to your love
I couldn't hold on to my dreams.//
I never thought that maybe you'd change too. That you could ever be different to the image of you I treasured in my heart and in my memory. I never thought you'd forget me.
//Walking down the street came the star of my love story
And my heart began to beat so fast
so clear was my memory.
I heard my voice cry out your name
and as you looked and looked away
I felt so hurt
I felt so small
and it was all that I could say//
I made my big entrance - Irvine Kinneas, the cool cowboy, but it had no effect on you. I guessed maybe you were playing it cool too. I flirted with the girls to see if teasing would get a reaction, but you just ignored it and put me in my place. I wondered if you were all having a joke at my expense, I didn't understand how none of you seemed to know me. I tried dropping a few hints to Selphie, talking about fairytale love, but she didn't seem to get it quite how I meant. I didn't dare try with Zell, he had changed so much and I sensed he disliked me already. I figured maybe he was just mad at the world in general, but I couldn't understand your coldness. I wondered if there was something going on with Rinoa and that was why, but my plan to subtly find out kinda backfired.
I realised then that none of you remembered me. I had meant so little to you that you'd straight forgotten me. I mean, I guess I'd always been shy, the quiet one, but still. You didn't remember me at all.
//You don't remember me
do you? You don't remember me
do you?
You don't remember me
do you? You don't remember me
do you?//
I guess you could blame the GFs, but how could they take so much from you, make you forget something that was so special? I remember every single thing still so clearly. But it's not enough, my memories won't make you love me again, I can't bring back what we had. So many things you've lost forever.
But I do remember. I haven't forgotten how I felt, because it's the way I still feel now. So I'm not about to lose you this time. Not again. So maybe it means starting over, but I'm a different person now. I'm stronger, so I won't give up so easily. I'll rebuild what we had, from the ground up, if needs be. And this time, I'll make sure you will never forget.
//It started with a kiss
never thought it would come to this.
It started with a kiss
never thought it would come to this.//