Author: Lipstickcat
Email: [email protected]
Pairing: Trowa/Quatre
Rating: Pg
Disclaimer: The guys aren�t mine and the song�s Robert Smith�s
Warnings: Songfic. Death
***
Too many. Too many. The words reverberate around my head like a mantra as I loose sight of you. The Virgos came out of nowhere. An ambush. Where are you?
//Remember the first time I told you I love you?
It was raining hard and you never heard
You sneezed! And I had to say it over
�I said I love you� I said... You didn�t say a word
Just held your hands to my shining eyes
And I watched as the rain ran through your fingers
Held your hands to my shining eyes and smiled as you kissed me...//
Do you remember the rain? We�d fought over something silly and you�d run out into it. You hadn�t even stopped to take your coat. As I watched you leave, I realised that I couldn�t bare not to have you with me. Forever.
I pushed open the window and shouted to you, spilled my heart out, but the rain thundered against the concrete below and drowned out my voice. You stopped at least, and despite the crack of thunder overhead, I heard you sneeze. The sound was tiny and slight, you seemed so delicate and precious.
I grabbed my coat and ran out to you. Your eyes were hard as you tried to glare at me, but the emotion wasn�t true. You don�t have a mean bone in your body, you forgive quicker than most.
Your shirt was almost transparent, clinging to your body. I think that I smiled at the little perked nipple shaped bumps beneath the material. I still smile thinking about it. Then you shivered and I wanted to hold you and protect you, you looked so frail. I wrapped my coat around your shoulders and took a deep breath. It had been hard enough to say the first time, I couldn�t say it all again, but I wasn�t going to let you go. Not ever.
�I said �I love you�.� I muttered as I took a step backwards.
You were so silent. Blue eyes wide and distant, as if you were taking in what I had said and you were really thinking about it. I held my breath and counted to ten. A droplet of water dripped from your fringe. Then slowly, so slowly, you raised your hands. The water slid like liquid diamonds through your fingers. For a second, I thought that you were praying, but then you cupped my face and bent forward and kissed me.
Your lips were slick and warm, the closet to heaven I�ve ever known. My coat slipped from your shoulders and fell into a puddle with a faint splash, but it didn�t matter because I had you now. I would keep you warm and safe.
�Trowa.� Your hot breath brushed my lips as you whispered my name and promised me forever.
// �If you die� you said �so do I� you said...
And it starts the day you make the sign
�Tell me I�m forever yours and you�re forever mine
�Forever mine...�
�If you die� you said �so do I� you said...
And it starts the day you cross that line
�Swear I will always be yours and you�ll always be mine
�You�ll always be mine
�Always be mine...�//
Deathscythe explodes before my eyes. The colours, brilliant flashes of orange and yellow, seem strangely brighter in space. I spare a brief thought for Duo, but I can�t quite bring myself to care enough.
I can�t see you. Where are you? I need to know that you�re safe, that you weren�t right. Please be wrong. Please be so very wrong. Please.
//Remember the last time I told you I love you?
It was warm and safe in our perfect world
You yawned and I had to say it over
�I said I love you� I said... You didn�t say a word
Just held your hands to your shining eyes
And I watched as the tears ran though your fingers
Held your hands to your shining eyes and cried...//
Do you remember this morning? It seems so long ago. Wrapped around each other in our bed. It was nearing noon, but it didn�t matter, everything was perfect. The warm sunlight fell over us, muted and dappled by the thin linen curtain. Your head was against my chest and I toyed with a silky strand of your hair.
I poured my heart out to you this morning. I told you everything that you meant to me, how I couldn�t bare a second without you by my side. You didn�t respond and I glanced down to see you asleep. So peaceful, so tiny, I swore to myself that I�d always protect you.
I counted to ten and shifted because my shoulder was going dead. You woke up and yawned, stretching out in a dazed and contented way.
�Huh?� You muttered as you sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.
I opened my mouth to repeat myself, to promise you the world, but it had been hard enough to say the first time. I have difficulty expressing myself.
�I said �I love you�.� I smiled.
As you fully returned to the waking world, your expression darkened. Your eyes became stormy and distant, as if trying to remember something. As you looked at me, your lip trembled.
�Something bad�s going to happen.� You whispered.
Then you curled up into a ball at my feet and dissolved into tears. I tried to pull your hands away from your face and you resisted stubbornly. When I eventually prised them away, your eyes were rimmed bright red, your cheeks streaked with glittering moisture.
I pulled you into my arms and held you tightly, I told you that it was OK. It was just a dream or something. I promised you forever and it calmed you down a little, but as you returned the promise, I could feel the pain in your voice echoing in my heart.
// �If you die� you said �so do I� you said...
But it ends the day you see how it is
There is no always forever... just this
Just this...
�If you die� you said �so do I� you said...
But it ends the day you understand
There is no if... just and //
�Quatre!�
I can hear myself screaming and I don�t know if its out loud or in my head. The momentary relief of catching sight of you is short lived. It is replaced by horror. Too many. No time. Please God. Please. No.
You fall out of my line of vision again and I stop breathing. I count to ten, but you don�t reappear. I imagine that I hear an explosion, even though I know that I don�t hear anything. Debris scatters through space, a piece flies past me. Its Sandrock, its unmistakable. I can feel the searing pain as my heart twists in my chest.
Tears sting my eyes as I charge blindly forward. I�m out numbered, I have no hope of survival. But I don�t plan to survive.
So, you were right.
I just want you to know that I love you.
//There is no if... just and~
There is no if //