Author: Mistigri
E-mail: [email protected]
Pairing: Sano/Katsu, another pairing implied...
Rating: R
Summary: Katsu's POV. What could have happened if the Kyoto arc never took place.
Warnings: Character death. Violence. Not a happy ending.
Disclaimer: The guys all belong to Watsuki-sama. I promise I kissed them all better afterwards.
Notes; Title nicked from Nickleback.
***
Sano turned up at my door that evening, unannounced as usual.
�I really can�t face Kaoru�s cooking tonight,� he said. �Is it all right if I stay over?�
He seemed his usual carefree self, but I sensed something was wrong. I didn�t expect him to tell me what it was, his real reason for avoiding his friends, but I would be ready to listen if he did. I took him in and we dined together.
I noticed the grazes on his knuckles as I handed him his tea.
�Have you been brawling at the Akabeko again?�
He shrugged. �Something like that.�
Sano would never lie. But he could be vague when he was hiding something, and prying only made him more secretive. He ate less than he spoke and his mind was clearly occupied somewhere else. I worried about him in silence.
After the meal, when I kissed him, he pulled me close, holding me tight, but turned his face away to rest his lips against my collarbone. He didn�t seem to want to go any further so I didn�t press him. He just wanted me to hold him in my arms. He seemed so fragile, so defeated, so unlike himself. I wanted to ask what had happened, but I held my tongue. Until my fingers, sliding into his hair, touched dried blood. Sano reached up and pulled my hand away, not because I was hurting him, but because he didn�t want me to know.
I wondered who could have hit Sano with such a blow. There were no rumors of any strangers in town and no one in Tokyo was even near a match for the infamous Zanza. No one except Himura Kenshin, the legendary Hitokiri Battosai.
�What happened, Sano?� I had to ask, though as I felt him stiffen, I regretted it.
�It�s nothing,� he let go of my hand and I noticed the cuts around his wrist. I caught his arm for a better look.
�Who did this to you?� I asked, too worried now for caution. �Let me take a look at you.�
�I said it�s nothing,� Sano pulled away. �Look, I�m tired. I�m gonna hit the sack.�
He winced as he got up and gingerly touched his ribs. I half rose to help him, but he walked away without a word.
By the next morning, he was back to his usual humor. I didn�t mention the night before, or his injuries. I hoped Sano had just been unlucky, that some drunk had got in a few punches by chance. Unlikely as it seemed, I preferred it to the other explanation that was forming in my mind.
I set about finding out all I could about Battosai, the legendary assassin. Student of the school of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, allied to the Choshu clan, killer without mercy. I discovered much about his reputation, but little about the man himself.
The night we attacked the government building, Sano stopped me fighting Battosai. He told me I couldn�t beat him. Perhaps he did it to save me. Himura had taken to carrying a reverse bladed sabre and although no man had since died by his hand, at least one he had fought was no longer alive.
What if Kenshin were like his sakabatou? The assassin in him reversed to reveal only the rurouni. But just as the sword�s blade could always be turned over�
Yet Sano admired him. I could see it in his eyes when he spoke of him. Somehow he saw something of our chief in him, maybe even something better, for memories fade. Perhaps I was a little jealous he spoke so highly of Kenshin. I never mentioned it; all I wanted was for Sano to be happy. Besides, if I forced him to choose, I couldn�t be sure he would give Kenshin up for me.
The next time Sano turned up at my door, bleeding, I asked no questions. I pulled him inside and dressed his wounds. His wrists were red and bruised. Worse was a deep cut under his jaw as though the flat side of a blade had been pressed against his throat. His lip was bloody and there were several wounds on his body caused by a sabre. A pattern of five black bruises on each upper arm was clearly from hands gripping them tightly. He had other injuries, far more personal.
�This isn�t from a fight, is it,� I said finally, making a statement rather than asking a question.
�Not exactly,� Sano avoided my eyes. There was guilt in his voice.
The pain in my chest and the pit of my stomach stopped me tending to him for a moment.
�It�s complicated,� he hung his head. �I didn�t mean it to go this far.�
�Why didn�t you stop him?� I didn�t want to ask if he�d wanted him to stop.
�I couldn�t,� Sano said helplessly. �He�s strong like a demon. When he�s been drinking, he changes and I can�t handle him anymore.�
I couldn�t bring myself to look at Sano. Whether he�d intended to or not, he had betrayed me. I think I came close to hating him at that point, but more than that, I wanted to hurt Kenshin. I wanted to cause him pain for all that he�d inflicted on Sano, but even more for taking Sano from me.
�You should see a doctor,� I said, my voice sounding strangely hollow.
�No!� said Sano sharply. �Megumi will find out and I don�t want the others to know.�
Bitterly I understood. He didn�t want the trusting girl Kaoru and the boy to know what their tamed assassin had done.
�Please Katsu,� his dark eyes were filled with pain as he looked at me pleadingly. �I don�t want them to know I�m weak.�
I was the only one who wouldn�t ask questions, who wouldn�t pass judgment, who would forgive Sano anything. I couldn�t hate him, I realised, I couldn�t hate him for what he�d done to me, not what he�d done to himself.
Silently I picked up the bandages. Sano touched my hand.
�I didn�t want it to turn out like this.�
�It�s all right,� I said coldly, unable to meet his eyes. �I understand.�
I continued to dress his wounds; in my mind I saw each one inflicted. A kiss stolen from bleeding lips. A blade traced over exposed flesh. A sword pressed against Sano�s throat to stop him resisting, to stop him crying out. I bit my lip, closing my eyes, trying to block out the image.
�Katsu?� Sano broke the silence. He touched my hand again but I pulled it away. He sighed. �I�m sorry.�
�I didn�t reply. There was nothing I could trust myself to say. I finished bandaging his wounds then got up.
�I�m tired,� I said, barely glancing at him. �Help yourself to something to eat. I�ll see you tomorrow.�
It was a long time before I fell asleep. Images kept flashing through my mind of Sano with Kenshin. I�d see them talking happily, then it would splinter and change and I�d see Kenshin turning on Sano, his eyes narrow, cruel and mocking, over and over again in my head.
I woke up late the next morning, Sano�s arms wrapped around me. Still half asleep, I snuggled closer, forgetting my anger with him. We lay like that for a long time, I resisted waking fully. In that moment everything was perfect. I had Sano all to myself and I could pretend he would never leave me.
Eventually Sano got up and started to get dressed.
�Sano, please don�t go back to him� I said, almost pleading.
He managed a grin. �How stupid do you think I am? Actually, I thought I�d hang around here for a while, if that�s all right with you?�
�Of course,� it was all I could say as a deep swell of relief and joy washed over me.
�There�s no need to pull that face,� he shrugged his jacket on. �Were you really that worried about me?�
�Well, yes,� I admitted.
He shook his head. �You need something to occupy your mind. You spend too much time alone. Tonight we�re going out.�
I began to protest, but he wouldn�t listen.
�No excuses,� he said. �I�m gonna get us breakfast. Don�t move.�
The few weeks that followed with Sano were probably the happiest of my life. He dragged me to every gambling house in Tokyo, which I would have hated except I liked seeing him have a good time. He would disappear while I was working and I would worry a little, but he always came back unharmed. I didn�t mention Kenshin and nor did he, although I knew he�d been to the dojo so Kaoru and Yahiko wouldn�t be worried about him.
He healed quickly and though I was glad to see the cuts gradually disappear from his skin, I wondered if his memories were fading as fast and if he would go back to Kenshin once again. The way he craved danger it seemed almost as though he liked pain. He would get involved in fights that were not his own, always seeking tougher opponents. When we were alone, he was always the dominant one. He never hurt me, but he got a thrill out of pinning me down, or pulling my hair, or even on one memorable occasion, tying me up. I knew he would never go too far, I trusted him, I even enjoyed it. Maybe it was my fault that Sano went to Kenshin. Perhaps if I had tried to be tough, been the dominant one sometimes he wouldn�t have sought it elsewhere. But now, with the marks of Kenshin�s �dominance� on his body, I had not the heart to try.
However, for the first time since the death of captain Sagara, my focus was on something other than my revenge against those who betrayed the Sekihotai. I continued my work of course and I knew my chief would have wanted me to be happy. Despite the many wrongs that had been committed in the past, I started to see the world as a good place. My life was no longer solely about revenge and regrets. It was the first and only time I would have chosen the present over the past.
But it wasn�t to last. Two impossibly short months had passed since Sano had moved in with me when he came home bleeding once again.
I slapped him hard across the cheek.
�Why?� I demanded. �Why did you have to go back? Why do you have to keep on fighting anyone who beats you?� I grabbed him and held him tight.
�I�m sorry,� Sano mumbled like a scolded child. �I had to prove to him I�m not weak.�
Whatever strength had kept him standing, got him home, gave out and he collapsed in my arms. I dragged him inside and began to examine his wounds. He�d lost a lot of blood, bleeding at the temple and a deep gash in his shoulder. There were several red welts across his back and chest as though he�d been whipped with a belt.
I had faith in Sano�s strength and resilience. None of his wounds would be fatal. I bandaged him up as best I could. The dream I had been living in had shattered and once again my mind was focused purely on revenge.
I managed to convince Sano to rest for a couple of days, nevertheless he was still on his feet sooner than I would have liked for his wounds� sake. Every time I changed his bandages, every time I felt him wince beneath my hands, I fought back my rage and my tears. I had to keep telling myself it would never happen again.
By the time my plan was ready to be carried out, Sano had mostly healed except for his shoulder, so I had little time to waste.
I made a deal with a local restaurant owner. He would pretend Yahiko had won a prize of a free meal for two, which would mean Kaoru and the boy would be absent from the dojo. To make sure Kenshin would be there, I forged a note from Sano suggesting they take advantage of having the dojo all to themselves.
Sano and I made love and afterwards I held him in my arms until he fell asleep. The hour was still quite early, but the mild drug I had slipped into Sano�s tea made him sleepy. Being careful not to wake him, I dressed and went out into the cool night.
My plan appeared to have worked. Kenshin was alone in the dojo. I watched him for a moment as he absently tidied up. He made a few idle moves with a shinai before replacing it on the wall. He picked up a piece of paper I recognised as my forged note and reread it. His eyes narrowed, either in anticipation of Sano�s arrival, or because he suspected something. Whichever it was I decided to hasten my task.
Captain Sagara would have been proud. My expertise with explosives had taken ten years to hone. I staged the perfect attack. I varied the length of the fuses with great precision, setting my trap to give Kenshin no means of escape as the dojo collapsed upon him.
I took cover as the first round exploded. The curling flames rapidly set off the next and the whole dojo was ablaze.
Yet somehow Kenshin survived the explosions. For a second I doubted the perfection of my plan. But he was trapped; as he tried to escape, a mass of burning wreckage crashed down on him.
Not even the notorious Hitokiri Battosai could have survived. The self-proclaimed humble rurouni didn�t stand a chance. I was satisfied my job was done. All I had to do was disappear before the police arrived.
�Kenshin!�
I heard Sano behind me. Before I could stop him, he dove into the remains of the burning wreckage. He pulled Kenshin�s body from underneath a pile of smoldering wood and lifted him easily in his arms. He carried him to safety, then dropped to his knees cradling the body, repeating Kenshin�s name over and over again.
I rested a hand on Sano�s shoulder.
�He�s dead,� I said as gently as I could, given the coldness in my heart. �It�s over.�
�No,� said Sano firmly despite the tears welling up in his eyes. �No, he can�t be; Kenshin�s too strong, he can�t die like this.� he gently shook the hitokiri�s body.
�It�s all right,� I knelt beside Sano and took his face in my hands. �He�ll never hurt you again.�
�What?� he looked confused and then horrified as realization dawned. �You did this?�
I nodded. �Don�t worry, I made sure Kaoru and the boy were safe.�
He continued to stare at me, shocked. �Kenshin was my friend. He never laid a hand on me.�
I could barely bring myself to speak. �But�who, then?�
Tears spilled down Sano�s cheeks and he buried his face in Kenshin�s hair. �Saitou,� I heard him say. �Saitou Hajime.�
I realised then how my jealousy of Kenshin had blinded me. How could I have been so wrong?
I wanted to comfort Sano, hold him in my arms, but I no longer had the right to even touch him. He traced Kenshin�s scar and whispered his name.
I didn�t notice the police arrive until strong arms pulled me to my feet and restrained me. I didn�t resist.
�I never expected Battosai would die so easily.�
Sano raised his head and his look was one of recognition. I followed his eyes. Saitou Hajime was examining the scene critically. He ignored me and approached the body of Kenshin. Sano looked up at him, tears still running down his face. Saitou touched Kenshin�s neck as he coldly checked for any sign of life.
�Saitou,� Sano murmured.
The Mibu wolf placed a hand on Sano�s shoulder in a gesture of consolation, his strong fingers gripping just a little too tightly.
�Sano!� I called his name before I could stop myself. His hurt eyes turned to me, and I stared into them, pleading for forgiveness, understanding, anything. I saw only pain.
Saitou turned his attention to me.
�What�s your name, boy?�
I tore my eyes from Sano; I didn�t dare disobey the police officer.
�Tsukioka Tsunan,� I gave my pseudonym out of habit.
�I doubt that,� said Saitou with a slight smile. �But I wouldn�t be at all surprised if your name were Katsu.�
He gripped my jaw, tilting my face to examine it, and frowned.
�Please,� I managed to say. �Let me speak to Sano.�
I didn�t know what I would say, what I could say, but I had to try. Sano whispered my name.
Saitou addressed the officer holding me. �Arrest him. I�ll take care of things here.�
�You can�t arrest him!� Sano cried.
�You wish to defend him after what he did to your friend?� Saitou sneered. �Pathetic.�
Sano�s face hardened, but Saitou didn�t notice as he lit a cigarette. He glanced up the street to see Kaoru and Yahiko running toward the still burning dojo, their faces masks of horror and grief.
I met Sano�s eyes, but saw only hatred. And as I was taken away, I didn�t even get chance to say I was sorry.