Date Finished: September 6th, 2003
Classification: Romance, Angst
Pairing: Touya/Yuki
Rating: NC-17
Note: Response to the `Stranger In Our House' challenge at
AdoptAPlotBunny: (http://lists.squidge.org/wws/info/adoptaplotbunny ;
http://www.squidge.org/~peja/behindthescenes/plotbunnies.htm)
Love Is...
By Elsewhere
<[email protected]>
All other information in Part One.
Part Four:
Glossary:
aa - yeah
aishiteru - I love you
arigatou - thank you
daijoubu/daijoubu da - it's okay; I'm okay
daijoubu desu ka? - are you okay?
doushita nanda? - what's wrong?; what happened?
doushite? - why?
douzo - come in
gomen - sorry
hai - yes; okay
ikuzo - let's go
irrashai - welcome
ja ne - bye (casual)
keki - cake
konbanwa - good evening
matta ne - bye (casual)
minna - everyone
mou - please (whiny <g>)
ne - sort of like `eh' or `hey'...a word used to emphasize a point or
get someone's attention
ohayo - good morning
ohayo gozaimasu - good morning (formal)
onegai - please
onegai shimasu - please (formal)
onii - older brother
ore - I; me (masculine)
ore mo - me too
shimatta - damn; shit
sou - yes; that's right
sou da - that's right
To-ya - an alternate romanization and pronunciation of Touya's name---
Yuki's affectionate nickname for Touya
yoshi! - all right! ("Score!" <giggle>)
Yuki-usagi - snow rabbit---Kero's affectionate nickname for Yuki
*****
This song won't reach you
Even if my voice is torn to shreds
I'll hold only you
Opened
And overflowing
*****
Yuki let out a shaking breath as soon as he closed the bedroom door
behind himself, his knees feeling unsteady again as he made his way
across the room to the full-length mirror on the closet door. For a
moment, his thoughts were so clouded he wasn't even aware of what Yue
might be feeling, but when he let himself sink to his knees in front
of the mirror, he started to get a sense of the vague regret that
existed below his own feelings.
In the same moment that he became aware of this, he also realized
that he was about as likely to get an answer out of Yue as Touya had
been; the barriers Yue had placed around his consciousness were even
stronger than they had been before. Yuki started to shudder deeply as
soon as he sensed this, and the slight sense of Yue's regret slowly
became alarm when a tear slid down Yuki's cheek.
"Yue..." Yuki whispered, and then Yue's senses abruptly froze in
surprise and protest as Yuki closed his eyes and focused his will.
Against his will, Yue felt himself pulled from his safe haven within
Yuki's mind, and again his wings closed in around him as he appeared
in Yuki's place, staring at himself in the mirror, seeing instantly
the slight flush of color in his cheeks and the flashing in his
bright silvery eyes, both a product of his annoyance. In all the
years that Yuki had been aware of Yue's existence, he had only once
used his own will to bring Yue out, and then it had only been because
Yue had asked him to, to insure that Yuki was capable of it, in case
for whatever reason Yue was at some point unable to do it himself.
Yue's expression slowly turned to surprise as he reached up a hand to
touch the moisture on his cheek, watching himself in the mirror. His
instinct to force Yuki to come back dissolved when he felt the way
Yuki's mind opened up completely within him, feelings threading
through Yue's own, seeking answers, and seeking comfort. He was
surprised to feel Yuki's sadness, to feel the way his own heart
started to pound when he felt Yuki's fear. For the first time, he
realized what his recent coldness, first to Yuki and now to Touya,
had done to his other self.
<Doushite? Yue, doushite?> Yuki whispered, and Yue continued to stare
at his reflection in the mirror, as though convinced that if he
looked hard enough, he might see the person beneath.
<Why are you so determined not to trust To-ya?> Yuki's voice
continued, slowly growing stronger. <Doushite? Why are you making
this out to be more than it is? Why did you treat him that way?
Doushita nanda...? Onegai, Yue, tell me what's wrong...>
With that, his whisper faded, and Yue was only aware of the
distracting hum of Yuki's distress, pressing against his mind.
Slowly, Yue brought up a hand to his face, closing his fingers over
his eyes and letting his tired eyelids fall shut.
"Gomen," he whispered quietly. "Gomen."
For a long time he simply sat that way, head resting against his
hand, waiting until Yuki's harsh breathing evened out, until Yuki's
near panic became a state of relaxation, encouraged by the way Yue's
mind had opened to his, calming him. He didn't ask again...he was too
tired to ask again, despite the fact that Yue had told him nothing,
and still kept his thoughts to himself to a certain extent. By the
time Yue realized how relaxed Yuki had become, and how it was
affecting his own mind, it was too late...when he tried to change, he
found that he couldn't, exhaustion weighing him down. He let out
nothing more than a quiet, mildly annoyed sigh as he let himself sink
to the floor, closing his eyes and surrendering to Yuki's need for
sleep.
*****
Touya waited an hour and a half, hoping that was enough time, before
he made his way to the bedroom and carefully slid open the door,
poking his head in, frowning slightly with worry. The frown dissolved
into a stunned expression when he saw Yue sprawled on the carpet near
the closet, obviously fast asleep. As Touya approached, walking
softly in the hopes of not waking Yue, he couldn't help the smile
that crossed his face. In sleep, Yue looked surprisingly content, his
face cleared of its usual scowl. Being careful to avoid the mass of
silver hair that was wound over and around the sleeping form, and
somewhat glad that Yue's wings weren't in evidence, Touya knelt at
Yue's side, contemplating whether he should wake him or not. The
decision was made for him, however, when Yue stirred suddenly, slowly
opening his eyes and looking up at Touya.
Yue blinked once more, groggily, before he sat up, trying to avoid
touching Touya.
"Gomen," Yue said again, quietly, and Touya shook his head slightly
and held out a hand. At first Yue declined the offer of assistance
and started to rise to his feet, only to stop and sway, surprised by
his own weakness, when he got to his knees.
"You haven't been getting enough rest lately," Touya said quietly,
and Yue glanced at him, plainly surprised. He hadn't been aware of
how closely Touya kept an eye on Yuki's habits, and he had also only
been able to wonder, ever since Touya had given up his power, whether
or not Touya was aware of how much of Yuki's life was dictated by
Yue's own moods and needs.
This time, with only some reluctance, Yue accepted Touya's hand,
leaning on it as little as he could as he got to his feet. As soon as
he was standing, he tried again to change back to Yukito, but Yuki
was still only vaguely aware, and Yue's own exhaustion made the
change near impossible.
"Don't worry about it...just rest," Touya said, seemingly aware of the
trail of Yue's thoughts, and when Yue glanced at him, again
surprised, Touya smiled gently and gestured to the bed. At first Yue
flatly refused, though silently, but when he again started to sway on
his feet, he felt that he had no choice, and he allowed Touya to
guide him to the bed. He was only vaguely aware of Touya's hand
briefly resting against his forehead before he fell asleep again.
*****
Yuki wavered in and out of dreams all night, haunting dreams full of
blue and purple light. Several times, he dreamed that he was sitting
by a lake so crystal-clear that he could see straight to the bottom,
and he kept trailing his fingers through the water, relieved to feel
the cold against his fingertips.
Later on, he dreamt that he was joined in the dream by his other
self, and for a time, the two of them stared at their reflections in
the water. Placed side by side, they looked remarkably alike in both
face shape and skin tone, and their eyes held a sadness that seemed
similar...or perhaps it was the same.
Yuki wasn't sure when or how his dream changed, but eventually he
became aware that he was being held by someone, and as the new dream
came into clearer focus, he could tell that he was being held by Yue.
His head rested back against Yue's naked chest, his hands closed
gently around Yue's where they rested on Yuki's stomach. Yue's legs
were raised on either side of Yuki's hips, his pale flesh pressed to
Yuki's. The loose spill of his soft silver hair over Yuki's body and
the shadowed half-circle formed by his wings gave Yuki the impression
of an enclosed, safe place. Yue's skin was chill to the touch, but
his hands were startlingly warm where they pressed lightly to Yuki's
belly, and Yuki found himself relaxing, thoughts drifting peacefully.
At some point, Yuki came to realize that it wasn't really a dream,
except it wasn't Yue's arms which enfolded him...instead, he was
pressed back against Touya, lying in their bed, Touya's arms around
his waist and Touya's lips against his neck. Compared to Yue's,
Touya's hands, curved so gently against Yuki's belly, seemed
extraordinarily large.
After a time, Yuki's pleasant feelings of warmth and safety, wrapped
warmly in Touya's arms, became something more like need, a soft,
heated longing that coiled up from the place where Touya's hands
rested over his abdomen, making Yuki instinctively arch back towards
Touya.
After only a minute or so of enjoying the delicious sensation of his
own arousal, Yuki wriggled slightly in Touya's grip and managed to
turn over, and just as Touya stirred sleepily and blinked blearily up
towards him, Yuki pressed his hands down against Touya's shoulders
and pushed Touya flat back against the bed. Touya's sleepiness
quickly faded away when he saw the hungry look in Yuki's eyes. He
felt Yuki's leg slide over his belly as Yuki straddled him, hands
reaching to intertwine with Touya's. Yuki leaned down, nuzzling his
nose lightly against Touya's neck and then following this motion by
leaving a trail of soft, wet kisses along the curve where Touya's
neck met his shoulder.
"Mm...Yuki..." Touya murmured, still sounding somewhat sleepy, and when
Yuki let his hands go, he reached up, tangling his hands in Yuki's
hair. He arched his neck back as Yuki continued to explore his
throat, leaving a trail of alternating gentle kisses and light,
nibbling bites. He groaned as he felt Yuki's slender fingers tracing
circular patterns over his shoulders, chest and stomach, slowly
working their way around until his palms brushed over Touya's
nipples. Touya arched against the touch, which forced his growing
erection to brush against Yuki's backside. Yuki's fingertips lightly
pinched Touya's nipples even as Touya's hands trailed downwards,
gently cupping Yuki's bottom. Yuki threw back his head, closing his
eyes and letting out a loud groan when Touya started to thrust up
against him, tiny, tantalizing motions that rubbed Touya's erection
firmly against Yuki's flesh.
"Ah..." Yuki whispered as he let his head drop down to Touya's
shoulder, taking a moment to breathe, but he wasn't given a chance...
Touya's movements were getting bolder, each motion causing Yuki's own
erection to brush along Touya's abdomen, and Yuki found himself
pushing back in counterpart to his lover's movements, trying to meet
Touya's thrusts. He couldn't seem to catch his breath, he couldn't
seem to stop...but it wasn't enough. Already, it wasn't enough...
"To-ya..." he gasped, abruptly pressing his hands down against Touya's
shoulders and lifting himself away, stilling Touya's motions. Touya
groaned and let his head drop back against the pillow, his eyes
closed, sweat standing out on his face. Yuki leaned up over Touya,
fingers fumbling over the night stand, closing over what he wanted.
His hands were shaking as he coated two of his own fingers with
lubricant and then placed the tube aside, one hand against Touya's
chest to hold himself steady as the other reached back between his
own legs. Touya moaned as he watched Yuki suck in a quick breath and
arch back, pressing down against his own fingers as he penetrated
himself, carefully stretching himself. He knew he didn't really need
this---he was too aroused; he probably could have managed without
lubricant at all---but he knew that Touya would enjoy the show, and
even though he craved Touya's touch, it felt good, for a moment, to
pleasure himself...to press deeper, until he was brushing his own
fingertips over his prostate, making him gasp and squeeze his thighs
together against Touya's hips...
He opened his eyes when he felt Touya's hand take his, slowly drawing
it away. He moaned aloud at the look in Touya's eyes, so hungry, so
wanting...wanting him. Suddenly everything seemed very far away...all of
his worries, all of the vague feelings that kept him from sleeping...it
all seemed so distant, now, and Yue certainly wasn't being cold or
closed off...he was there, not as much a concrete mental presence as a
familiar set of emotions and reactions woven precisely through Yuki's
own. He knew Yue already needed this, as much as he did...like him, Yue
was straining, reaching towards something, anything to satisfy the
need that had built up within him.
Yuki groaned again, loudly...Touya still held his hand trapped in an
iron grip, and he was licking and kissing the skin of Yuki's wrist,
his eyes closed now as he savored the taste of Yuki's flesh. Yuki's
free hand was questing out over the bed, his fingers closing quickly
around the tube he'd placed aside. Awkwardly, he used the single hand
to turn the tube and squeeze some messily over his fingers and palm,
and then he tossed the tube away again and bent, his gaze questing
through the moonlight, finally closing hungrily over the sight of
Touya's erection, pressed lightly against one of Yuki's thighs where
Yuki still knelt above him.
Touya stopped what he was doing to Yuki's arm, again dropping his
head back, this time keeping his eyes open to watch as Yuki ran his
hands gently up and down the length of Touya's erection. When he'd
finished, he didn't waste any time; he shifted himself forward
slightly and, with one hand carefully gripping the base of Touya's
penis and the other pressed against his own leg, he pushed himself
down, forcing his muscles to relax and accept the invasion. Touya
groaned as he felt Yuki's body envelop him, providing a beautiful
counterpoint to Yuki's higher-pitched moans as he experienced the
addictive sensation of Touya filling him, pressing so deeply that he
imagined every part of his body was entirely focused on this one
feeling.
Even before he'd pushed himself all the way down, Yuki started to
rock slowly, his hands both gripping his own thighs now, his head
thrown back, the open-mouthed expression on his face one of total
abandon. Touya's knees were raised, providing a cushion against
Yuki's back as he started to move in earnest, pulling himself back
and then thrusting back down again with an urgency that left Touya
gasping for breath, struggling to sit up. Within a moment he was
upright, his arms around Yuki, hands clutching Yuki's back as he
rocked his hips up to meet Yuki's downward thrusts, gasping every
time he felt Yuki's hands, now against Touya's shoulders, scratch
deeply enough to cause pain.
"Unnnh...Yuki..." Touya groaned, reaching back one hand to press against
the bed, giving himself the leverage to thrust more firmly up into
Yuki's movements. Yuki only responded with a soft whimper, his face
buried against Touya's shoulder, hands now tangled in Touya's hair.
His motions were growing faster, more erratic, as the last of his
control left him, lost in a torrent of desire. Yuki began to feel
that horrible, wonderful sensation of being caught in the moment when
climax seemed unattainable, and the pleasure was so intense it was
almost pain...
"Yu..." Touya's voice cut off into a gasp as he arched up, perfectly
angling himself, and Yuki arched deeply, crying out, again throwing
back his head. Touya forced himself to keep his eyes open, watching
the way Yuki's face tightened, an expression that looked so much like
anguish, as Yuki started to move even faster, trying desperately to
reach that place, to let himself fall...
"Yuki!" Touya whispered, the name trailing off into a loud moan as
Touya pressed up against Yuki, swept away by the intoxicating feeling
of release. He still kept his eyes open, unable to keep himself from
groaning as he watched Yuki freeze for a moment, the look on his face
so intense he seemed about to cry...and then it broke, and he screamed
as his orgasm ripped through him. He seemed to be trying to arch away
and press closer at the same time, twisting himself oddly for a
moment before he slowly relaxed, letting himself come to rest in
Touya's lap, enclosed in the warm circle of Touya's arms.
"To-ya..." Yuki whispered as both of them struggled to catch their
breath, unable to move, still wrapped around each other. Yuki's hands
remained in Touya's hair as Touya rested his head against Yuki's
shoulder, his own hands rubbing soothingly over Yuki's
back. "Aishiteru."
At first, he thought Touya's only response was the single, gentle
kiss Touya placed on Yuki's shoulder, but after a few moments he
finally heard the whispered reply, no more than a soft breath
escaping from between Touya's slightly parted lips.
"...Ore mo."
*****
The next day, despite the events of the night before, Yuki still
couldn't get Yue to talk to him; all Yue would do was grumble
something faintly about being distracted by thoughts of his own
troubling dreams, and then he would distance himself in a remote part
of Yuki's consciousness. Eventually, Yuki gave up, but he ended up
feeling lonely and despondent again, which resulted in him being
distracted as he walked alone towards work.
He was so distracted that, again, he didn't notice at first when
someone was calling his name.
"Tsukishiro-san?"
He didn't notice at all, in fact, until the young woman calling him
was directly at his elbow, and by then she managed to startle him so
badly that he nearly fell into her. She steadied him with a hand at
his elbow, laughing softly, eyes closed as she smiled warmly.
"Ohayo gozaimasu, Tsukishiro-san. Daijoubu desu ka? You seem very
distracted this morning," Tomoyo said, as Yuki fought to catch his
breath.
"Ohayo, Tomoyo-chan," he said, adjusting his glasses on his nose to
try to hide his embarrassment. "Daijoubu da...I didn't sleep very well,
that's all."
"I take it the matter that was bothering you before is still
providing a distraction?" Tomoyo said shrewdly, and her smile
softened at the distress that furrowed his brow slightly.
"Hai," Yuki said quietly. "I can't seem to stop thinking about it...
even though I know your words were true, Tomoyo-chan."
"It's Kinomoto-san, isn't it?" Tomoyo said, regarding him suddenly
with a look that seemed oddly sympathetic. Yuki blinked at her,
utterly stunned. Tomoyo's eyes softened when she saw this. "It's true
that something has been bothering Sakura-chan's onii-sama lately...
something that he wishes to keep a secret."
"You know what it is?" Yuki said, eyebrows lifting in shock.
"Sou...I may," Tomoyo said, nodding. "Kinomoto-san and Sakura-chan may
not realize how much the secret is bothering you. If I may suggest
so, Tsukishiro-san...it may be best if you go to talk to Sakura-chan
sometime soon."
"Sakura-chan?" Yuki repeated, still looking disbelieving.
"Hai," Tomoyo said with another warm smile. "She may be able to
explain what this is all about, if my instincts are correct. Kinomoto-
san may feel that the secret is not his to share, so it may be best
to speak to Sakura-chan first."
"Oh...arigatou," Yuki said, letting out a long, slow breath. "Do you
know if she'll be home this evening?"
"Hai, I believe she will be there after dinner time," Tomoyo said
with a nod. "I am sure she would be delighted if you'd go to visit."
"I may," Yuki said, running his work schedule through his mind as he
thought about it. Was it possible that Sakura could really put his
concerns to rest so soon? "Arigatou, Tomoyo-chan. Truly."
Tomoyo inclined her head, then smiled.
"You should probably hurry, Tsukishiro-san...I imagine it's almost time
for your shift," she said then, glancing at her watch.
"Ah, sou da!" he agreed, glancing at his own watch before smiling
warmly at her and giving her a wave. "Matta ne!"
"Ja ne!" she called back, returning his wave and watching him as he
jogged out of sight before she let out a soft sigh. "Sakura-chan...you
should explain to Tsukishiro-san what's happening, before he confuses
himself anymore..."
*****
That evening, by the time Yuki had finished his supper and was
preparing to go to the Kinomoto residence, Touya still hadn't even
come home from work. They had spoken briefly and Touya had said that
he might be working late into the evening because of the project.
Yuki left Touya a small note explaining where he was going, then
gathered up his jacket and left.
When he reached her house, he rang the doorbell twice before he
received any response, and when someone did answer, it wasn't Sakura
or Fujitaka, but instead a harried-looking Tomoyo.
"Ah, Tsukishiro-san...irrashai," Tomoyo said, smiling as she brushed
her bangs out of her face and opened the door wider, stepping
back. "Douzo."
Yuki nodded and accepted her offer, stepping inside and slipping his
shoes off.
"Sakura-chan just went to pick up a few ingredients for the desserts
we're making," Tomoyo said by way of explanation as she ushered Yuki
into the house. "Onegai shimasu, have a seat in the living room. I'm
sure she'll be back soon."
Yuki nodded and moved towards the living room, smiling in greeting
when he saw Cerberus' small form floating excitedly around the room.
"O, Yuki-usagi!" Kero called, waving madly towards Yuki. "Look! Keki!"
He pointed towards an enormous chocolate and strawberry cake on the
living room table.
"Konbanwa, Kero-san," Yuki said with a warm smile as he took a seat
on the couch and watched Kero settle to a squat in front of the cake,
trying to contain his drool.
"Ne ne ne, Tomoyooooooo!" Kero called impatiently. "Can't we eat it
now!?"
"Please wait until Sakura-chan is back, Kero-chan," Tomoyo called
back from the kitchen, where they could hear the sound of running
water and dishes clanging around in the sink.
"Mou!!" Kero whined, thumping his tail excitedly back and forth.
Yuki chuckled warmly.
Before anyone had a chance to say anything else, the front door
abruptly slammed open and a heavily breathing mass of overly excited
young woman came stumbling through.
"Minna! Big trouble!!" Sakura cried out, and Tomoyo came running in
from the kitchen even as Yuki got to his feet and Kero swirled up
into the air.
"Sakura! Doushita nanda!?" Kero demanded, instantly deadly serious as
he took in the distress on her face.
"It's that book!" Sakura said, bringing up an arm to irritably scrub
at the sweat on her forehead. "The one that used to belong to Clow-
san's enemy! I was on my way home from the store and I ran into some
kids in the park. I dropped my things, and one of the kids got a hold
of the book...he must have thought it would be fun to play with the
book, and he opened it..."
"Shimatta!" Kero cursed, and Sakura huffed out a breath, stirring her
bangs into her face.
"Kero-chan, it's got the Element Cards," she said, sounding more
frightened than she had in years. "All four of them. Watery, Windy,
Firey, Earthy...all of them were sucked out of my book and into that
one...they're all sealed in that book now, and I can't get them back.
The book drew itself out of the little boy's hands...it seemed to gain
a will of its own once it sealed the Element Cards."
"It broke your seal on the Sakura Cards," a low voice said from
behind them, and all of them turned, startled to see Yue standing
where Yuki had been a moment before. None of them had even noticed
him transforming. "Those four cards, sealed within a powerful magical
artifact like that..."
Yue's eyes narrowed and moved towards Kero.
"This is trouble," Kero said, closing his eyes. "Sakura, which way
did the book go?"
"Towards the Emperor Penguin," Sakura said, frowning deeply.
"Right. Then that's where we're going too," Kero said, just before
his wings flared outwards, and in a flash of light the little stuffed
animal-like creature disappeared, replaced by the huge winged lion
that was Cerberus' true form. He turned, glancing towards his fellow
guardian. "Ikuzo, Yue."
"Aa," Yue agreed, before glancing towards his mistress with a lifted
eyebrow. "Coming?"
"Is there any time for a battle costume?" Tomoyo asked hopefully, and
everyone turned to her with varying degrees of disbelief.
"Bring one along; I'll try to change in the bushes," Sakura said, a
strained look on her face as she hurriedly skated out the door after
her guardians.
"Yoshi!" Tomoyo said gleefully as she grabbed her video camera and
followed them out the door, shutting and locking it on her way.
*****
END PART FOUR