Email: "angst_wolf" <[email protected]>
Title: The Lion's Tears
Disclaimer: Squaresoft own 'em
Rating: PG13
Summary: Zell discovers Squall's little secret.
A/N: I apologize for the sometimes melodramatic scenes, I wrote this
awhile ago but it's the longest ZellxSquall fic I have.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Early morning rays swept across his face, making the boys' mouth
twitch with the ghost of a smile. The newcomer watched the brunette
for a little while longer, savouring the moment like a mental camera.
The soles of his red sneakers made no noise as he walked toward the
quiet boy.
"What'cha doing?" The blonde asked, as he sat beside the solemn boy.
"Thinking." The silent boy replied, in his usual one word answer.
"About what?"
"Nothing." The boy replied too quickly.
"Come on Squall, you gotta talk some time, right?" He asked his
brooding friend.
"Whatever!" Squall quietly replied.
"Come on, don't do this to me. You seem sadder then usual, talk to
me, maybe it'll help.." The blonde trailed off, as he glanced at his
friends face with wide eyes, seeing a single tear streak down
Squall's face.
"Why 'ya crying Squall? Did I say something wrong?" He asked,
watching in amazement, as his friend shed more silent tears. This
after all, was only the second time he had seen his friend cry. The
first being when his mother died, and even then he didn't shed as
many tears as he was now.
"No, you didn't say anything wrong. I did.. I always do."
"I don't understand Squall, you have to talk more then that if you
want me to help you." The usually hyper-active boy sat silently
looking at his friend cry, not knowing what to do. Afraid that if he
touched him the dam would brake, and Squall would be out of control.
"Zell.... it's too hard to explain, I'm so screwed up, it doesn't
matter anymore if someone understands or cares."
"No, don't say that. I do care, Quistis, Selphie, Rinoa, heck, even
Irvine cares. We've cared forever Squall. But you can't seem to see
that. Why.. why don't you talk to anyone any more? Why can't you ask
for help?"
Squall stared off towards the calm ocean for a few moments before
replying.
"Because.. no one expects 'The Lion Of Balamb Garden' to have
feelings. And I've followed that example my whole life.
Unfortunately, I'm really starting to think that I don't have
feelings. I can't seem to smile, to laugh, it's as much of a surprise
to me as it is to you for me to finally be able to cry. To actually
weep, after all these years of holding it in, after always coming
home and...."
His voice trailed off, thinking he had said to much. He saw Zell
fidget as the silence became uncomfortable.
"I know it's none of my business, Squall.. But what do you do? Please
tell me, let me help you. How can you expect me to judge you if you
won't tell me everything?" Zell turned his body around to face his
friend. He still could see traces of tears down his face and a
warning of more to come from the cloudy eyes looking at him now.
Squall's eyes seemed to be searching for something in Zell's own
electric blue eyes. Maybe I'm the one being judged, not him. When the
brunette finally did decide to speak, he had turned his body to face
Zell's, but had averted his eyes again towards the sparkling ocean
beside them.
"... When I come home from another day of telling people what to do,
doing paper work, and dealing with Rinoa.. I can't take it
anymore.... The pressure, the eyes on me.. all the time.. So.. I come
home and....hurt myself."
Zell barely caught the last few words before Squall's voice had gone
quiet and hurried, as he buried his head in his leather- clad hands.
Escaped tears falling from in between his fingers. He could see
Squall's shoulders quiver slightly, as he tried to hold back the sobs
that were starting to overtake him. Without a second thought, Zell
closed the distance between him and the brunette. He pulled Squall to
his chest, and wrapped his arms around the frail shoulders.
"It's okay to cry baby. Let it all out, I wish that I would have
known earlier just how bad you felt about everything. Maybe I could
of been able to help..." Zell's voice trailed off, as he placed his
chin on top of Squall's silky hair. He slowly rocked him back and
forth, gradually he felt Squall's breath start to go back to normal.
He waited patiently until Squall was able to speak.
"It's not your fault Zell.. No one could have known, and I always
made sure of that. I thought that if I told someone about my problems
they would be disgusted. So your the only one that knows about 'The
Lions' problem. And... I do want you to help me Zell.. I just don't
know-"
"Shh.. It's okay, 'ya don't have to say anything. I'll try to
help 'ya the best I can, and I won't tell anyone else about this...
if you don't want me too. Just, try not to keep all your emotions
bottled up next time, if 'ya need an outlet, then come to me. 'Ya
know I'm here to listen to 'ya anytime 'ya want."
Squall lifted his head from Zell's now soaked t-shirt, and looked up
into his eyes. It looked like he was searching for something
again..disgust? lies? But he appeared satisfied as he set his head
back down again.
"You okay now?" Zell asked, breaking the silence, after he and Squall
had seemed content in just watching the waves together.
"Yeah.. I think I'm fine." Zell stood up carefully, and extended his
hand toward Squall. The brunette looked at his hand, as if there
might of been a meaning deeper then just helping him up. And maybe
there was, he thought, as he looked into Zell's eyes, seeing nothing
but loyalty and tenderness. He sighed happily, as he grasped the
strong hand that pulled him up easily.
"Remember, use me as an outlet any time 'ya feel like it. Day or
night, I don't care if 'ya wake me up in the middle of the night,
if 'ya have a problem, or just wanna talk, come straight to me,
okay?" Zell smiled as he heard a hint of promise, mixed with
happiness, in Squall's reply.
"Whatever!"
They left the beautiful scene behind them, just as the sun appeared
beyond the horizon. No one else was witness to the Lion's tears,
except for the seagull who sat on top of the pier, watching the two
man journey back to the garden, laughing loudly, arms slung over each
others shoulders.
* * * *
The following days, after Squall's little 'episode' seemed to go
ignored, Zell heard screaming from the room next to his at two in
the morning.
Zell rushed to his friends room, he yanked the door open (luckily
Squall had left it unlocked) and found Squall thrashing in his bed,
his eyes tightly closed, sweat mixed with tears streaming down his
pale face. Zell knelt down beside his friend, and gently shook his
shoulders to wake him from his nightmare.
Squall sat up sharply, a scream piercing the silent room. His eyes
franticly searching the room. After a few shaky breaths, he seemed to
realize he was still in his room, as his shoulders slumped forward,
and his head fell into the palms of his sweaty hands. Zell had sat
there quietly waiting for his friend to calm down, until he finally
placed a hand on the brunettes back, which tensed as though afraid of
human contact.
Squall looked up, meeting the caring face of Zell, as his breathing
gradually slowed.
"Zell... Why are you here?" Squall's face reddened slightly, assuming
his friend had witnessed yet another one of his breakdowns.
"I heard 'ya screaming, and when I came over here to see if 'ya were
okay or not, it looked like 'ya were having a nightmare.." Zell
trailed off silently, asking what the nightmare had been about.
Squall looked down embarrassed, his voice barely audible as he
explained what the dream had been about.
"I dreamt... that I.. cut myself so much, that I couldn't stop
bleeding, and I.. died. I know it's weird, 'cause usually if someone
cuts themselves then they want to die right? But it's not like
that... I just don't know what to do anymore, and this just seems
like the most logical way out....
"Anyway, when I died, I found out that everyone ended up talking
about me in past tense, like I had always feared. But after awhile...
they just forgot.. If someone brought up my name they were
like, 'Squall who?' and when they did remember, they remembered me
for the wrong reasons, 'Oh, you mean the Ice Prince?' and 'The boy
who killed him self?' I never wanted to seem like I cared about what
people thought about me, but in truth, I think I cared more then
anyone else.
" I cared so much I ended up hurting myself, more and more each day.
When someone would call me one of Seifer's stupid nicknames...
Lionheartless, puberty boy.. I know it's immature, but I just can't
help worrying about what people think of me.. I don't want to, but I
can't help it. And these nightmares.. they seem to just get worse and
worse. Piling up on each other, until I wake up screaming, sometimes
I can manage to quiet my screams by stuffing my head into the
pillow... or just by cutting myself. That's why I always have a knife
by my bed, in case I wake up.. screaming."
Zell silently got up onto the bed with Squall, and put his arms
around the boy, as though it was common to do such a thing.
"Where is it?" He asked the scared boy, searching the room with his
eyes, trying to find a silver glint that would aid in his findings.
"What?"
"The blade? Where is the knife that 'ya keep by your bed?" There was
a long moment of silence till Squall answered.
"It's in the second drawer, underneath the papers." He answered
reluctantly.
Zell eased his left arm to the side of the bed, trying not to jostle
the boy out of his embrace. He clumsily opened the drawer, shuffling
loose paper around, until he held what he was looking for. He didn't
bother closing the drawer, as he put the large, but closed, pocket
knife into his sock, making sure it wouldn't fall out.
"Why?" Squall timidly asked as he watched the boys actions.
Zell gently pulled his friend around so he was face to face with the
brunette.
"Promise me something?" His question held no room for debate.
"Anything.." Squall's eyes widened as he saw the emotions floating
around in the blondes electric blue eyes. Tenderness, passion,
strength.. love? No impossible, not for me. No one could love me..
"I want you to promise me you'll never do this again. I want you to
honestly say that you will stop cutting. I want you to promise that
you will come to me if any of your problems seem to high, and you
can't think of any other solution besides hurting your self in
anyway. Promise me?"
Squall was surprised as his friends voice lost his usual slang,
sounding almost like he really cared what Squall was about to say. As
though he would do something drastic, if Squall ended up cutting
himself again. And he really believed he would, even threaten his own
life to make sure that Squall never hurt himself again. And he never
would if it ended up making Zell happy, he would do anything to see
the blonde smile again.
"I promise!" Zell's smile brightened up the room, as though the sun
had already come up from the horizon, the blonde hugged his friend
till Squall couldn't breath anymore. Zell laughed, a deep booming
laugh that made even Squall's mouth twitch with happiness.
"No one is ever gonna hurt 'ya again, not if I can help it. And I'll
make damn-well sure that 'ya keep your promise too." Zell smiled
again as Squall held onto him like a life line, both boys not wanting
to let go, quietly sat there as the sun peeked up from beneath the
forest line, casting the room in a strange candle-like glow. They
both shut their eyes, their breathing almost matched, as each of them
fell into a peaceful sleep, both smiling as dreams of the other
plagued their minds.
* * * *
When Zell finally woke up, he found himself cold and alone. He looked
around the dark room, not finding anything out of the ordinary,
except a faint beam of light coming from underneath the bathroom door.
Fearing the worst, he rushed to the door, turning the knob sharply,
to find his best friend sitting in the corner of the room sobbing.
Zell searched the room for any indication of blood or sharp objects,
seeing none in reach of the boy, he crouched down in front of the
sobbing brunette.
"Squall, what happened?" Placing a hand on Squall's shoulder, he
waited for his friend to console in him.
"I... I want so.." Breath taking sobs over took his voice, making the
rest of his sentence inaudible. Zell picked the boy up, straining
against the weight, he carried Squall to the disleveled bed. He
gently sat them both down, leaning against the headboard, he waited
for Squall to continue.
"..I.. don't.. think I can.. control it anymore. I.. have to do it,
if I don't..."
Squall's voice trailed off as he nestled his head in the crook of
Zell's neck, crying softly.
"What do 'ya think will happen if 'ya don't do it Squall?" Zell
waited patiently for his friend to start talking again, as he rubbed
small circles onto Squall's back, trying to bring his quite sobs to a
minimum.
"If I don't do it... I can't control anything anymore..." Zell waited
for Squall to complete his confession, but only finding silence, he
took the brunettes face in his, red rimmed eyes staring into his own
clear.
"What won't you control anymore? I think 'ya lost me." Zell smiled as
he saw his friend frown slightly, thinking of what to say to answer
his question.
"If I don't... cut myself.. I won't be able to control something. All
these years I've had people mold me into what they want, taking my
silence to mean so many things. So... a couple of years ago I thought
if I did this, then I could finally be able to control something in
my life again. Even if I am making myself into a human tic-tack-toe
board, I still feel like I've accomplished something every time I cut
myself. And I know that sounds incredibly stupid, but that's how I
always felt." Squall searched his friend's face for some kind of
reaction, baffled he found Zell smiling slightly.
"It's not stupid, baby. Many people feel the same way, but they chose
to express those feelings other ways. Some people end up being
anorexic, or bulimic. Or sometimes they take less drastic measures,
like... sometimes you see people that seem like control freaks. And
that's exactly why they do it, they think that they control something
in their lives. When really their so unsure of themselves, they don't
know what the hell their doing. But cutting yourself up... into a
human 'tic-tack-toe board' as you called it, shouldn't be an option.
You can control things in your life without damaging yourself to do
it. Next time you feel someone is trying to control your life just
tell them... to go to hell! Or something like that!"
Zell's booming laughter filled the room's silence. Squall chuckled
slightly, but his smile faded as he thought over what Zell had said.
So maybe he could control things in his life... Zell did, he was
definitely no pushover. But could he? Maybe if he spoke up more when
he felt that someone was pressuring him into something he didn't want
to do, or went against his morals... then he could just decline. How
did Zell make it look so easy? Was there some kind of secret to it?
Why the hell was he thinking so much? Zell's laughter interrupted him
from his train of thought.
"What?" Squall tilted his head slightly, a lock of brown hair falling
over his eyes as he looked at the blonde.
"'Ya just looked so serious all of a sudden. Like 'ya were really
thinking over what I said, as though 'ya might actually plan on doing
it." Zell smiled as he tucked Squall's hair behind his ear, his
knuckle grazing Squall's smooth skin.
"And I hope ya do... Hey! If anyone gives 'ya any trouble, 'ya come
straight to me and I'll get them good!" Squall chuckled, as he saw
his friend almost go into his shadow boxing position, nearly making
them both fall onto the floor.
"Well.. you know what I mean.." Zell blushed, as he noticed his
friend laughing at him.
"But you'll try to do that, right? I mean, taking control of your
life without hurting yourself." Zell's face turned serious, as he
waited for his friend to answer. Now it was Squall's turn to laugh as
he saw his friend frown slightly.
"Definately. Maybe someday I won't be as much of a pushover as you."
Squall smiled, as he saw Zell's face go slack.
"I am not a pushover!" Zell jumped up, forgetting that Squall was
sitting on his lap, he lost his balance as he and the brunette fell
to the floor.
Zell saw his friend hunch over with laughter, as he too, soon joined
him. Both laughing at his outburst.
When their laughter had subsided, they finally managed to sit up
straight, looking into each others faces again, they smiled. Squall
found that he finally had a close friend that would be behind him all
the way, to save him if he decided to harm again, and to make him
laugh if he didn't. Zell found that he had finally managed to
make 'The Lion' laugh, and had saved someone from themselves. Both
their futures held promise as they burst into laughter again, their
happiness filling the air, until people outside the dorm found
themselves wanting to smile too.
* * * *
The cool summer breeze flowed through his hair, water from the near y
surf trailed down his sculpted chest. He surveyed his surroundings
from his position on the beach towel.
Selphie was waving her arms around from her position in the water
(only her head and arms showing) for Irvine to give back her yellow
bikini-top, Quistis was reading a book, while she tried to tan in her
pink onepiece. And from the corner of his eye, he saw Rinoa pestering
Squall to get into the water with her, he couldn't help sweep his
gaze over Squall's beautiful body.
The brunette was wearing black swimming trunks that looked like they
had just been bought recently, his griever pendent still rested
against his pale skin that was starting to turn darker, and his body
was glistening from sun screen, and sweat. Zell shook his head,
trying to get the unwanted pictures in his mind to go away.
They had all decided to go to the beach today, for a well needed rest
from the SeeD life. So far they all appeared to be having fun, except
for Squall who sat on the rocks with Rinoa practically all over him.
The blonde got up, finally deciding to help his friend from the
clutches of the 'demon'.
"Hey Rinoa!" The three turned quickly seeing Selphie, who had finally
gotten her bikini-top back, waving her arms from the water.
"Come swim with us!" Rinoa smiled, as she skipped over to join the
petite girl.
Squall exhaled in relief, finally being away from Rinoa, he turned
back to the ocean admiring the view he had not been able to with
Rinoa clinging on to him.
"Hey, you okay?" Zell asked, as he went to sit beside his friend.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Squall didn't turn to see his friend, but his eyes
took in Zell from the corner of his vision. Sweat, mixed with
sunscreen, was dripping down the boy's chiseled chest and stomach, to
disappear into midnight blue trunks and unknown territory. Squall was
surprised to see no other traces of tattoos, or piercing on the boy's
compact body.
A faint blush covered the brunettes cheeks, as he found the blonde
was looking at his arms.
Zell had been expecting to see scars when he looked at the boy's
arms, but seeing none his gaze flickered to Squall's questionly.
"Makeup. I found out how to cover them up by using Rinoa's powder.
That's why you don't usually see me without my bomber, because I
don't like using anything of Rinoa's." Squall answered Zell's
unspoken question.
"Why y'all so serious?" Irvine had come up behind them, and slung his
arms around their shoulders.
Squall shrugged off the arm, answering in his usual one word monotone.
"Whatever!"
Zell looked at Squall, wondering why he had suddenly became so cold.
"It's really none of 'ya business, Kinneas."
Irvine placed his hand over his chest, pretending to be wounded.
"Aww.. Y'all hurt my feelings. And here I am out of the goodness of
my heart, about to ask y'all to go swimming with us."
Zell looked over at Squall, wondering what the boy's answer would be.
He really wanted to go swimming, but he also didn't want to leave him
alone.
"Whatever!" Squall got up, walking down to where the girls were.
Irvine and Zell watched his retreating back,
"Man, what's with him?" Irvine looked over to the blonde, who also
looked puzzled.
"I don't know..." Zell got up to join their friends, Irvine right
beside him, as he muttered.
"Just being himself!"
Zell, and the rest of the gang, had been laughing, and having fun for
the rest of the day, until it was time to leave. But Irvine's comment
had bugged him for the rest of the day.
'Just being himself!'
Zell had watched Squall occasionally, seeing how he reacted to the
others.
It looked like the brunette returned to his usual cold self around
others, but those nights when Zell had been holding Squall, and he
had seen him cry even.... It really made him think.
Who is Squall really? How many personalities could one guy have?
* * * *
Eyes closed in concentration, Lionheart held at the ready, chest
heaving as the brunette fought to breathe, pools of sweat trailing
down his face. Leather pants clinging in all the right places, bomber
jacket carefully folded, and placed on a nearby rock.
No words could come to mind that would describe the warrior's grace,
control, precision, talent, and... beauty.
As the boy looked on in wonder, the fighter had started a new series
of parries and blocks. The brunette looked as though he were fighting
a series of enemies, or maybe it was the boy's own demons come to
haunt him again.
The blonde made his way over to the valiant fighter. Being swift on
his feet, the brunette didn't hear him until a rock had been moved.
Turning around swiftly, the saber made a smooth arc to decapitate the
monster that had snuck up on him. The blonde saw this coming just in
time as he ducked, seeing wisps of golden hair fall into his vision.
"Zell!" When Squall had finally opened his eyes, he saw the blonde
kneeling before him, narrowly missing the deadly blow of his blade.
The brunette sheathed his precious Lionheart, crossing his arms as he
looked at Zell with a glint of impatience in his eyes for being
disturbed.
"Jeez, nearly cut my head off why don't'ca?" The martial artist
sprang from his previous kneeling position with astounding grace.
Sheepishly scratching the back of his head, as he saw the look Squall
was giving him.
"What is it?" Squall smirked in amusement, as he watched the boy
fidget underneath his icy glare. Can't I ever get some peace around
here to train?
Zell relaxed again, seeing how the brunette was just joking. As he
fidgeted again, his electric blue eyes swept over Squall's muscular
body.
Sweat was glistening over the boys arms, making his biceps well-
defined. A small bead of sweat trailed down the boys tense chest.
"Zell?" What's wrong with him? Why is he so fidgety? I'm not that
bad am I?
The blond's eyes snapped back up to meet cloudy blue.
"I wanted to talk to you about something..." His voice trailing off,
waiting for the brunette's response.
What now? Squall unfolded his arms, walking over to the large rock
that was a short distance away, he picked up his precious jacket, and
started out of the training centre.
"You coming or not?" He called over his shoulder, hearing Zell's
footsteps as he jogged to catch up to him.
They walked the rest of the way to Squall's dorm room in silence.
Reaching his room, he activated the lock with voice command.
"Squall Leonhart, student number 2639."
"Access granted." The door swished open activated by the monotone
voice. Squall walked in, placing his jacket in the closet, turning
around, he found Zell still standing by the closed door.
"You wanted to talk?"
Zell looked at his surroundings, taking in the plain walls with no
posters or other pictures lining his own room. Squall's room held
barely anything, except for a bed, gunblade case, desk and dresser,
and the bathroom door was to his right. He snapped back to attention
as he heard his friend speak.
"Oh yeah..." The blonde walked over to the cherry wood desk, sitting
in the well used chair.
"Well, do you think it could wait ten minutes? I really need a
shower."
Zell nodded again, watching Squall head into the bathroom shutting
the door behind him.
As he heard the shower running, he got up, and curiously walked
around the room. This guy has like, no personal possessions. The only
things that looked to be personal in the room were the gunblade case,
with an expertly crafted silver lion's head that was molded into the
black saber case, that was now holding the infamous Lionheart.
The other thing being the assortment of books lining the dresser's
top.
He looked up in surprise, as he heard the bathroom door open, and out
step the most beautiful sight that had yet to be seen till this very
moment.
Squall's hair was more out of control then usual, droplets still
clinging helplessly to the ends of the chestnut locks, water trailing
down the boy's chest.
He watched one in particular, that started down the side of of the
brunette's porcelain face, trailing down the maze that was Squall's
chest.
Muscle stood out, as the water pooled up in all the right places,
making it appear as though the boy had more then he really did. Old
battle wounds stood out on the pale skin, that had yet to stay golden
for more then a day's time. The water was being caught by the fluffy
blue towel that was tied loosely onto the boy's narrow hips. Zell's
eyes widened a bit, as he saw the many scars that flowed up and down
Squall's arms. One in particular that stood out amongst the others,
because it looked to be fairly fresh, and hadn't even begun to scab
over.
Zell crossed the room quickly, roughly taking Squall's muscular arm
in his hands.
"This is new isn't it?" He asked, his voice barely restrained as he
pointed to the particular fresh cut.
"....No.." The brunette put his head down in shame, staring at the
floor intently.
"Don't lie to me Squall.. I know it is. I thought you promised to
stop all of this? Was that just a lie too? Don't you see I want to
help you?"
Zell dropped the arm roughly, instead placing his hands on Squall's
face, forcing him to look into the his eyes.
"....I can't stop this, Zell. No one can help me. Not even you..."
Cloudy eyes starting to glisten, as unshed tears collected in them.
"Is it because I can't help you, or is it because you don't want to
help yourself? No one can help you unless you want to save yourself.
So it comes down to, two things. Do you want to get better? Or do you
just want to carry on living like this?"
Squall stayed silent as his friend searched his face. Tears were now
being shed freely, as the brunette looked down again. Closing himself
off from the blonde, from the world.
Zell's heart broke as he felt a wall begin to build itself between
him and Squall. He stared sadly at his friend, his own tears
threatening to shed, but he promised himself silently that there
would be enough time to weep once he was alone.
"Is this how it's going to be? I still want to help you Squall, but
if you don't say anything then I'm going to walk out that door, and I
might never come back. No one else is going to be this patient or
caring, with your emotions ever again. So.. is this really what you
want?..........Please, Squall, answer me!" Zell was now shaking the
brunette roughly by the shoulders. He stopped suddenly, as though
just realizing what he had been doing.
Zell searched Squall's face again, trying to see anything that would
make him stay. But a veil had folded around the boy, no emotions
showing but the brunettes silent tears.
Zell sighed, as he slowly walked towards the door. His shoulders
slumped in defeat and heart ache. He placed his hand on the brass
knob, turning it slowly with what little strength he had left, he
started to leave the room, but as an afterthought, turned to look at
the brunette, thinking that it might be the last time he got to see
his friend. Squall was still in the same spot he had left him in,
unheard sobs shaking his body. But the boy still refused to to look
at him.
Zell turned around quickly, shutting the door, as his own tears were
shed. He shuffled quietly to his room, leaving behind happy memories,
forgotten childhood dreams, and a soon to be forgotten friend. Or was
it forgotten lover?
A whole new explosion of emotions consumed him again, threatening to
make him collapse on the spot. He rushed the rest of the way to his
dorm room, barely able to voice his command for the lock. He threw
himself onto the bed, uncontrollable sobs going through his body. His
pillow was damp in no time, as a series of neverending tears streamed
down his grief and pain stricken face. He felt like he would never
stop crying, as he grabbed the photo that was resting on his night
stand. He looked at it for a long time, tears blurring his vision so
much he could barely make out the two figures that were standing
there.
The brunette held the blonde in his arms, the excuse from the blonde
being a sprained ankle. The smaller boy being held, was laughing
merrily as he stared into his friend's face. The brunette had a
fierce scowl on, but a light of happiness was resting in his grey-
blue eyes.
They both looked so happy in the picture, that Zell broke into sobs
again.
Would he ever be this happy again? Would Squall ever open up again to
the blonde? Only time would tell...
Only time......
Epilogue: The Lion's Success (Five months later)
He's dead. He finally succeeded. I hope he's happy, wherever he is. I
wish I could have been there for him, but he pushed me away. I tried
to help... I really did. But maybe I didn't try hard enough? I think
I saw his death coming.
A month before he finally killed himself, he was ghostly pale (more
so then ever), his cheeks were hollow, and he had dark circles
underneath his eyes. His eyes... they were so dead. Ever since I left
him standing there in his room, towel dripping wet, his eyes changed.
To most people his eyes held no emotion. But I saw them. I saw when
he was happy, I saw when he was angry, sad. But after leaving him
alone... and seeing him the next day. He just looked at me, I was so
shocked, I almost gasped out loud! His eyes held no colour, they were
just a wall of grey. I couldn't take it anymore, I tried to talk to
him. And you know his reply? "Whatever!" Maybe I made a mistake when
I left him...
No one else seems to care about his death, except for Seifer. Though
I don't know why. Considering they were rivals throughout their whole
lives. But maybe it was more then that? Maybe that's why Squall
didn't want to take it further with me. He once mentioned that he
didn't want to be hurt a third time. Ellone was the first, Rinoa the
second... so I guess when Seifer came back to the Garden, and
completely ignored Squall (even when Squall went out of his way just
to say hi to the guy), it really hurt him. I just wish he would have
given me a chance. I wanted so much to take away his pain. But he's
gone... and I have to accept that. I have to move on. Even if my
heart lies in that grave with him, I have to go on living. I don't
want to die by my own hand like Squall. He wouldn't have wanted it.
No matter what he said otherwise. I'm sure going to miss him
though...