Author: Lipstickcat
E-mail: [email protected]
Pairing: Seifer/Squall
Rating: G
Summary: Its Seifer�s final hour, and he and Squall have things they need to say
Web page:-
Warnings: Not a happy ending. Death (sorta). Angsty.
Disclaimer: They don�t belong to me and even my muses are trying to escape
***
Squall nodded to the guard, who unlocked the reinforced door and allowed him to pass. A few steps more, and he had to wait for the guard on the other side of another door to let him through. This person escorted him down the bleak corridor. Their footsteps rang against the concrete, the guard�s voice seemed booming as it echoed around them. Squall nodded, not really listening to what he was saying, he could guess the general content of the one sided conversation; wasn�t it great that the Sorceress� Knight had been caught, that he was going to be brought to justice? Today was a great day for humanity. He must feel so proud to be a part of it.
Squall sighed inwardly. Yeah, so proud.
He couldn�t help thinking that the security was a little over the top. Seifer was no threat at all really, not without the Sorceress. But he supposed it massaged Seifer�s ego: All for him.
Eventually, they stopped outside a cell. The guard opened up the food hatch and called out to the occupant. There was a hurried shuffling noise from inside and the guard shut the hatch back up and unlocked the door. He held it open for Squall, who entered and waited as the door swung shut behind him and the lock was ground back into place.
�No chance of a last minute reprieve then?� Seifer was stretched out on the sparse bunk at the opposite side of the room. He leaned back with his hands behind his head and his long legs crossed at the ankles.
Squall shook his head. He looked truly apologetic.
�Didn�t think so,� Seifer shrugged.
�Why did you want to see me?� Squall cut straight to the chase.
�I was wondering if you could get me some hair gel,� Seifer dragged his fingers through his hair, it was messy, a little longer than he normally kept it, curls of fringe falling over his forehead, �want to die looking smart,� he smirked and crossed his arms in front of his chest.
Squall knew this game. His last request was to see him, if he�d wanted hair gel, he could have made that his last request. He called Seifer�s bluff, said �ok� and turned to knock on the door to be let out again.
�Alright!� Seifer struggled to sit up. �I want to talk to you. Hell, can�t a condemned man tell a joke?�
Squall turned back. He felt a pang of something indefinable pull tightly in his chest. He couldn�t understand it, he didn�t know why Seifer had wanted to see him, or why he�d agreed to go. He didn�t understand the way he was feeling. He should be pleased, but all he felt was a gnawing sense of injustice.
Seifer held himself proudly, already shrugging off the desperation that he�d showed moments before. Even without his usual clothes, he still seemed like Seifer. They�d taken everything when they caught him; his gunblade, his trench coat, his gloves, even his shoelaces and belt. He sat on the bed, emerald eyes keenly watching Squall down the length of his nose. His feet were bare, his lace-less shoes tucked neatly beneath the bed.
On impulse, Squall spun back around and knocked on the door. The food hatch snapped open, the guard�s familiar face filling the space.
�Get Seifer some hair gel.�
The guard nodded and the hatch shut again. Squall walked over to the bed and stood over Seifer.
�So talk.�
Seifer looked up at him. �You don�t make it easy, do you?� he shifted to the edge of the bed and patted the space next to him.
Squall sat down. Silence stretched out between them, Squall was painfully aware that there were things that needed to be said between them, and the time to say them was running out. But, he didn�t know exactly what it was that they needed to say.
�Every hour wounds. The last one kills,� Seifer muttered dryly.
Squall could remember that phrase, he�d heard it sometime before. Probably in a lesson that they�d both attended or something. It had never sounded truer than at that moment. It completely encapsulated his own thoughts.
�I suppose life must be pretty good for you now, eh, Leonhart?� Seifer turned to look at him, his eyes crinkled at the edges in a smile, as if he was happy for him. �I get the papers in here, you�re all over the front covers,� he looked down at his feet and wriggled his toes. �You found your dad. That�s good. Don�t suppose I could have a President of a suddenly hugely influential city for a dad as well, do you? Not that I�m ever going to know now.�
��Seifer��
�And you�ve been promoted. Not to mention how everyone worships the ground on which you walk. Or so it seems if the papers are anything to go by.�
�But, I don�t -�
�You don�t want that. I know,� Seifer looked up, his eyes still smiling, but Squall could see the sad clouds that dulled his emerald eyes, �but you�ve got it. I�ll never have that. Enjoy it. And I must be giving you and Mr Loire some great publicity. You�ve caught the Sorceress� Knight and he�s never going to threaten humanity again!�
Squall shook his head. �We don�t want this, neither I or Laguna want this.�
�But you can�t do anything about it.�
�We tried, we fought for you.�
�I know, I�ve read the papers. Ironic how if you defend the bad guy, you still get to be the hero. Now you�re the compassionate hero as well.�
�It�s not like that,� Squall hung his head.
�I know,� Seifer tentatively reached out and rested a hand on Squall�s shoulder. The brunet jumped and looked around at him.
�It� the case� you were judged before a public jury. We couldn�t do anything more.�
�It�s a democratic world. The public gets what the public wants,� Seifer shrugged nonchalantly and pulled his hand away. Squall could still feel the warmth of where Seifer had touched him through his dress uniform. �Unfortunately, the public are more bloodthirsty than any sorceress.�
Squall twisted his body around to face Seifer. �Aren�t you afraid?�
�Of dying?� Seifer cocked his head. �Not really. It�s my destiny. I was born to be the Sorceress� Knight, I was born to die for her,� he lifted his legs off the floor and crossed them on the mattress. �I just wish it had been a better death. I should have died defending her. You should have been the one to kill me.�
Squall�s heart missed a beat. It was a painful sensation.
�Why did you always fight back so hard?� Seifer asked suddenly, changing the subject. �Would it have hurt for me to have won once? You couldn�t bear for me to be better than you at anything. What were you so afraid of?�
Squall just shook his head, not knowing the answer.
�I wasn�t such a bad guy, was I? I let you win, sometimes. But you never ever returned the favour. It made me so angry, so frustrated. I wanted to win, just once. The desire blinded me and I lost control. I never meant to hurt you.�
Hesitantly, Seifer reached out. His outstretched finger trembled as he traced the line of Squall�s scar. The brunet let his eyes fall shut to the warmth that soaked through his temple. He could feel the bare finger gently rub the bridge of his nose, before trailing onto his cheek.
�I�m sorry,� Seifer�s words were more air than noise, but Squall heard them clearly.
There was a clatter as the food hatch in the door fell open. Squall turned his head away and pulled back from the blonde�s touch.
�Hair gel for Mr. Almasy,� Squall could hear the amused tone in the guard�s voice. A foolish part of him hoped the Seifer would miss it.
Squall got up and collected the tub of gel, he didn�t bother to thank the guard. The food hatch closed again and Squall passed the gel to Seifer. The blond smiled gratefully up at him and proceeded to slick his hair back.
�I liked it better when it was curly,� it just slipped out for no reason. Squall thought it; so he said it.
Seifer paused, his body stiffening as he slowly looked back up. With something close to the old smirk, he reached up to his forehead, snagged a length of fringe and pulled it, twisting his finger as he did. A single curl rested on his forehead just slightly to one side of the centre.
�How�s that for a compromise?�
Squall opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a bang on the door.
�Ten minutes!�
Squall felt himself gasp as whatever it was that was wrapped around his chest tightened again. Even Seifer looked a little shell-shocked, his eyes were wide, the black pupil filling them.
�There really isn�t any escape, is there?�
Squall shook his head and sat back down on the bed heavily. Seifer smiled, it was a self-conscious twist of the lips. He had to say what had to be said now; he didn�t have long.
�Would it make any difference if I told you I love you?�
For a second Squall couldn�t breathe. His mind reeled. A voice somewhere deep inside told him that he shouldn�t and couldn�t lie to a condemned man. That he couldn�t lie to himself.
�Yes��.� he breathed. �It would kill me�.�
�Huh. Won�t be saying that then�� Seifer smiled ironically. So now he knew. Now he could die without wondering.
Squall was twisting his hands over and over in his lap. He didn�t know where to look, what to do. Why had Seifer said that? Was it one last bid for reprieve? Just words to buy his life with?
Seifer glanced to the door, then back to Squall. Time was ticking down. Seifer shifted, leaning over on hands and knees to Squall, and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. Then he sat back up.
Squall was stunned, looking at Seifer with his mouth hung open. But Seifer continued to talk as if nothing that had happened since he�d been given the hair gel had really occurred. The ball was in Squall�s court now; Seifer had got all that he�d ever wanted, and he wasn�t finished talking. That was, unless Squall felt like giving him a reason to shut up.
�Why were you afraid to let me win? Did you think that it would mean you were weak? That if I beat you, I�d own you?� Seifer leered, he couldn�t help the taunt. �Would that have been so bad?�
Squall opened his mouth to reply, but once again he was interrupted by the food hatch falling open.
�Commander Leonhart. It�s time to go, sir.�
Squall blinked, hesitated, then stood. He nodded to Seifer, managed a sincere smile for him, one that he hoped conveyed everything that he wanted to say but couldn�t.
�You should have let me have you, just the once, Leonhart,� the words were spoken, not a last desperate cry or taunt, nor a shameful whisper. They were spoken; a fact for anyone who wanted to hear.
Squall left the cell, not even acknowledging the guard who saluted him as he passed. Two large men in SeeD uniform passed him, going in the opposite direction. One of them was carrying handcuffs. Squall continued out of the prison and around to the public side of the building. Journalists were waiting for him and crowded around as he numbly forced his way through and back into the building. Irvine and Quistis met him in the corridor, Quistis� eyes looked raw, like she�d been crying. They made their way the viewing gallery in silence. He at least owed it to Seifer to be there when he died, even if he couldn�t bring himself to do the deed.
One thought rang out in Squall�s head: Yes, I should have.