Author: Mistigri
Email: [email protected]
Disclaimer:I only own the plastic figures...but I have all the guys...twice... - that counts for something, surely?? And the title belongs to Three Doors Down.
Warnings: Het - "Kenshin and Kaoru sitting in a tree..." Mild angst, I guess...
Rating: G
Summary: Sano's POV just before he catches his boat to leave Japan.
Pairing: Sano/Kenshin, Kenshin/Kaoru implied... Katsu/Sano
Feedback;Pretty please?
Thanks to; Lipstickcat, my ever patient beta, who not being an RK fan, also had to wade through an explanation as long as the fic itself!
***
He spent his whole life being too young
To live the life that's in his dreams
At night he lies awake and he wonders
Why can't that be me?
Cos in his life he's filled with all these good intentions,
He's left a lot of things he'd rather not mention right now
Just before he says goodnight
He looks up with a little smile at me and he says
If I could be like that
I would give anything
Just to live one day
In those shoes
If I could be like that
What would I do, what would I do?
Now in dreams we'll run
She spends her days up in the north park
Watching the people as they pass
And all she wants is just a little piece of this dream
Is that too much to ask?
With a safe home, and a warm bed
On a quiet little street
All she wants is just that something to hold on to
That's all she needs.
Yeah
If I could be like that
I would give anything
Just to live one day
In those shoes
If I could be like that
What would I do, what would I do?
Yeah yeah Oh oh yeah falling into lace (?) and dreams we'll run away
this in dreams, we'll run away (?)
If I could be like that
I would give anything
Just to live one day
In those shoes
If I could be like that
What would I do, what would I do? x2
Falling in
I feel I'm falling in
To this again.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I guess Kenshin would have found a better way to deal with Tani, but I'm not Kenshin and to tell the truth, I was so pissed off at him at that point, I wasn't about to start figuring how he'd have solved the problem. He wouldn't have caused a big ruckus and made himself a wanted man, but I've never been much of a diplomat. I sorted everything out in my own way, even if I did bring a whole load of trouble I don't need my way. And that's the important thing, right?
Besides, what's that saying - "You can never go home again"? I'd been away so long my own family didn't recognise me. But they're doing okay, they don't need me barging in and upsetting everything. And I'm not exactly the sort to be content spending my evenings weaving damn hats. Nah, that old town isn't big enough for Sagara Sanosuke. After all I've seen and done, I don't figure I'm gonna be settling down to a quiet life anytime soon.
That's all Kenshin wants though. He'd be quite content if nothing happened ever again. With his past, I suppose that's only fair, maybe you just get to a point in your life when spending your days doing laundry and running errands seems pretty sweet. Even if you are the greatest swordsman in Japan. At least that probably makes him a better role model for Yahiko than, say, yours truly. I reckon the kid really would like to be like Kenshin when he grows up. Probably will be too; however much of a brat he is, he's too damn mature. The squirt just keeps on surprising me. I might even miss him. I have to keep reminding myself I'll come back and see him again someday, when he finally becomes a man and then we'll see if he even stands a chance at kicking my ass.
It was harder to leave than I thought it would be; I guess that�s why I�ve hung around so long. I've known for a while now that I'd have to, but even though I knew it was for the best, I kept putting it off, just a while longer. Maybe I shoulda just stayed behind in Kyoto, but everyone was so happy and relieved and Jo-chan had her heart set on the idea of us all going back to Tokyo together, I couldn't disappoint her. I might just be the pain in the ass freeloader to her, but I liked to think she was kinda fond of me and would miss me if I didn't go back with them.
And then she was dead. Or not, as the case turned out to be. And Kenshin...I'd never seen him that way.
My own head was just so fucked up; I couldn't think straight. She was gone, so I didn't have to go, I'd have Kenshin all to myself and wouldn't have to worry about breaking the girl's heart every time we were together. But that wasn't how it was gonna be and I knew, but that didn't stop me losing it and striking out at Kenshin, trying to get a reaction. I even wished I was the one who had been killed because I wanted it to be me that Kenshin couldn't live without. That he'd drown himself in depression, all but dead to the world because it no longer had me in it.
I'd known that he would choose her. It still hurt. Yeah, so I'd planned to leave anyway, but at least I could always daydream that my leaving tore him apart, that he chose Jo-chan only because I was gone. Instead I saw him fall apart without her, and I was there and I could do nothing. I hated the part of myself that told me it would have been better had it been me, that no one would care if I were the one who was dead. It took me a while to get through my dumb useless anger and realise that Jo-chan was gone and she wasn't coming back and then I just got angrier coz otherwise I knew I'd break down like Kenshin and I wasn't gonna be that weak.
When I found out she was still alive, I knew we had to save her. I could forget all the bad feelings and thoughts I had if I helped Kenshin get her back. I would make up for my selfishness. Like I was choosing to let her be with Kenshin. Besides, I wanted Kenshin to be happy and unless there was a way to make Kaoru have never existed, it wasn't going to be with me.
I don't think he even realised. Despite everything that happened between us, he never assumed anything. Maybe he thought I wasn't serious. I don't blame him, I can't. He still thought he deserved to be punished for his past, that no one could possibly love him, or fall in love with him. I figured out Jo-chan's feelings for him long before he did, but it was already too late. I knew I couldn't tear Kenshin away from her. Even if he didn't love her the way I thought he loved me, he would protect her to the end, he would always be there for her. He always took his responsibilities seriously; love didn't even need to have anything to do with it.
As much as it hurts to let him go, I know I'm doing the right thing, I'm sure of it this time. Jo-chan needs Kenshin. She's so used to losing the people she cares about, I couldn't take Kenshin away from her, even if I thought I could. And she can give him the life he wants - she'll never drag him out gambling late or get him involved in dangerous situations. They'll just have a dull happy life together. It's what Kenshin wants and what Jo-chan needs. I can survive without him. I don't need someone to protect me or be there for me always. I'll be alright on my own.
I would have liked to have stayed a little longer, maybe I could've convinced Kenshin to give me a proper goodbye. It's probably better this way though - being forced to make a clean break, and the threat of arrest will stop me from running back too soon. I'm gonna miss him, hell, I'm gonna miss everyone in different ways. I like to think they'll miss me too.
Katsu's hand on my shoulder brings me back to the present. It's time to go. One of the guys went off to find Kenshin and the others so I can at least say a rushed goodbye before I have to sneak onboard a ship. Japan's been pretty good to me, it's time to see what the rest of the world has to offer. I get to my feet, but before I can grab my bag, Katsu thrusts a small box into my hands.
"Here," he turns away just slightly, like he's embarrassed or something. Frowning, I open the box. It contains brushes, paper and ink. Katsu looks back at me and smiles gently. "You promised you'd write to me. And there's a little something for protection hidden underneath."
I make a mental note not to drop the box. "You didn't have to get me this - you've already paid for everything and organised the ship."
"But you did promise," says Katsu. Suddenly he grabs my sleeve and pulls me close to look into my eyes. "I lost you for ten years, I'm not about to again. Promise me you'll write to me."
I can't believe he's getting all sentimental on me. I roll my eyes, but I can't help smiling too. "You idiot. All right, I promise. Again. I'll write to you whenever I can."
He hugs me tightly, like he doesn't want to let me go. His lips are by my ear. "Good. You better. Because one day I might follow you."
I move to look him in the face. He sounds serious, like he'd really consider leaving Japan. "You're giving up on your newspaper?"
"One day I might have to," he smiles wryly. His fingers weave in the short strands of hair at the nape of my neck and he sighs. "Take care of yourself, Sano."
He doesn't let me go, so I don't let go either. He stares up at me, then closes his eyes and kisses me briefly on the lips. Then, as though nothing happened, he slips away from me.
"We better get going."
"Katsu..." what am I supposed to say? I never expected that he...I catch his arm. All this time, when I was so wrapped up in my tragic love that could never be with Kenshin, my best friend who stood by me through all of it never said a word about how he felt.
"People will not listen to the truth if it doesn't suit them to," he says sadly. "It is pointless talking to them. I have done my best here. Perhaps the rest of the world may be more open-minded."
I kiss him. Maybe I'm just on the rebound after Kenshin, but even so, leaving suddenly seems like the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I have to draw away far too soon. I brush his hair back from his face, how is it I've never really seen him? "If I write to you, will you make me a promise too?"
He nods. He knows already what I'll ask of him. And I know he'll keep his promise. Wherever I am, he'll find me one day. Even if it means leaving everything else behind.