Email: [email protected]
Title: Dawn
Fandom: CCS
Pairing: Syaoran+Yue
Rating: Pg
Disclaimer: CCS characters belong to Clamp only.
Warning: Watch out, the atmosphere is really dark (not to say
depressing).
Notes: The idea of the fic came to me when I was watching the
end of the first season of CCS. I wondered all along
how the scriptwriters would deal with Syaoran's Cards.
And I found rather unfair the way the fight between
Syaoran and Yue was settled. Too quick for my liking,
and not realisticat all. In the domain of fight, I
think Syaoran was far more experimented than Sakura
and so he had more chances to win. Well.
The story takes place six years after the Judgement
which had ended up with... a surprising result. Read
and judge by yourselves.
The paragraphs between // are memories.
Dawn
A CCS fanfiction
by Karura
Syaoran awoke, sighing. Each day looked like the
others. Why did he still bother awaking? One day,
maybe, he'd fall asleep and never awake? He shook his
head. Really, he was very dark those last times. Since
he left Japan... with the Clow Cards, six years ago.
****************************
/He didn't know what had just happened. The moment
before, Yue was making a dash for him, his diaphanous
wings unfolded, and the moment after, he was alone and
he could hear the Judge's voice declaring: "I, Yue,
judge Syaoran Li worthy of the title of Master."
"Huh?"/
***************************
Syaoran got dressed with slow and calculated motions.
Even now, he still didn't remember how he could have
defeated the angel. The gestures he had done, the
gestures that had given him the victory and which had
changed his and so many others' fate... lost, lost in
the oblivion.
The young man -oh yes, he wasn't anymore the past
young boy, and in so many ways -left his room and went
to his private living room.
"Good morning, Master," Kerberos greeted him, lying
down near the fireplace. "Did you sleep well?"
"Good morning Kerberos," Syaoran greeted back
distractedly.
"Your mother wishes to see you," the lion informed
him. "It seems rather important."
"It's always important," the young man mumbled. "What
does she want again?"
Having inherited the Clow Cards, Syaoran should have
become the Head of the Li Clan. But his mother had put
off that moment because of his youth. And he knew
perfectly she would cling to the power as long as she
could: she judged him still too innocent to take the
lead of their family. Maybe she was right... But he
didn't care at all.
***************************
/Kerberos' furious and indignant cry, the amazement in
Mizuki-sensei's gaze, Tomoyo dropping her precious
film camera, the sound of the machine's impact on the
ground, like a beautiful dream shattering...
And, above anything else, the expression of Sakura's
face.../
***************************
"You seem rather exhausted, my son," Lady Li noticed
as he arrived.
"I'm alright, mother."
Lady Li lifted her fan to her lips, doubtful. "If you
say so..."
A maid placed down two cups of tea beside them then
left the room without a sound. Syaoran repressed an
inner sigh. What would his mother tell to him this
time?
"You'll soon be sixteen," the woman began. "Those
years have flight..."
Wrong. Syaoran had counted each day, each hour of
them.
"To think it has been nearly six years since you came
back as the true heir of Clow... The Clan is very
proud of you, you know. Clow was a black sheep. Rather
than staying with our family to increase its prestige,
he'd preferred to leave China and kept all the glory
for himself." She tightened her grip on the fan. "He
had no sense of family. Such people deserve to die
alone!" She paused to resume more quietly: "But
fortunately, thanks to you, things have come back to
normal. The Cards have returned to our bosom as it
should have been since the beginning."
Syaoran bowed without a word. He didn't agree with his
mother, but he had been too well reared to contradict
her openly.
"By the way," the Head of the Clan Li went on, "what
happened to that girl who believed she could own the
Cards?"
It caught Syaoran off guards. He didn't think her
mother still remembered. Though, he should have known
by now that his mother /never/ forgot anything. "I...
I don't know, mother," he stammered. "I've not gone to
Japan since that time." As though she didn't know it.
"Oh, I see," she said with a fake contrite tone. "What
a pity, though. According to what you have said, that
girl didn't belong to any of the great family of
Japan, did she? I wonder how she had dared believe
that she could compete with the Li heir. Truly, she
only had what she deserved."
Syaoran clenched his fists. He was stopping himself
from yelling at his mother that Sakura wasn't like
that at all.
"Maybe we should think about eliminating her," Lady Li
said suddenly.
Syaoran gasped. "What?" he managed to say.
Lady Li rested a thoughtful gaze on him. "If I
remember well, she had the favour of one of the
guardians, Kerberos, hadn't she? Let's imagine for a
moment that she hadn't renounced to the Cards and
decided to come here and get them back..."
"It's impossible!" Syaoran exclaimed, standing up.
"The judgement is definitive! Once the new Master
appointed, he remains the holder of the Cards until
his death!"
"Yes, indeed..."
"Moreover," the young man persisted, "I've changed all
the Cards and I'm their only owner now! Even if she
came here, she couldn't retake them from me!"
Lady Li was wearing an amused and distracted smile at
the same time. "You're right," she said finally. "It
was only a simple suggestion. But since you seem so
firmly opposed to, let's not talk about it anymore."
Syaoran sat down once more and breathed deeply to
quieten down.
"Well," his mother resumed, "let's come back to our
original subject." He looked at her, surprised. What
did she want to talk about?
"You'll be soon old enough to think about getting
married...." Oh no, not this. "I don't intend to
impose any choice on you, but it seems you have always
got on well with your cousin, Mei Lin, doesn't it? She
had been raised up in our Clan's traditions and,
besides, she helped you while you were capturing the
Cards."
/"Yeah, Syaoran! The Cards are yours! You're really
the best! I knew Sakura was no match against you!"/
"I think she'd make a perfect wife for the future Head
of the Li Clan."
"Yes, mother," he answered automatically. He couldn't
escape from that.
"Of course," his mother went on with a faint smile,
"you're both a little to young to commit yourselves
like this. To wait one or two years more seems wiser
to me. What do you think?"
"I agree with you, mother." One year, two at the most.
And then?
"It rejoices me. You can leave now."
He stood up, bowed then left the room in silence. His
mother was wily. He had stopped since years to find
out what she really wanted from him. He didn't care at
all, now.
***************************
"How was the talk?" Kerberos asked as he came back.
"As usual." He didn't tell him he might have just
saved Sakura's life. The lion wouldn't like him more
for that. Kerberos was polite, there was nothing to
say about it. He was always kind to Syaoran. Unlike
Yue. But despite the lion's efforts, Syaoran felt
something was missing. Maybe sincerity. It would never
be like... like with... Sakura...
/"Please, take good care of Yue, Kerberos and the
Cards!" Sakura's eyes were shining with tears, and it
hurt more than anything else.
"Sakura, I..."/
"Where's Yue?" he asked, knowing perfectly the answer.
"Outside, as always. He spent the whole night in the
gardens."
Syaoran nodded. Yue was the one who never accepted the
situation. Yue hadn't talked nor looked at him since
six years. Yue, who was one with Yukito...
***************************
Another morning. One more. Syaoran awake, sighing. How
many mornings would he still have to bear?
"Good morning, Master," Kerberos greeted, "and happy
birthday."
Syaoran was startled, then mumbled a brief "thank
you". He hadn't remembered. Nothing mattered to him
anymore. He had left his soul in Japan.
/A smiling girl with shining green eyes. "Syaoran!
Syaoran!"/
He closed his eyes to chase the memories away and he
felt a headache dawning. His mother must have prepared
something special for him, like a reception, and he
would have to cut a fine figure beside everybody. He
hated to be with too many people. But he didn't have
the choice. He never had.
***************************
He finally got back to his room. He didn't know how,
but he had managed to survive the day. He got
undressed and went to bed without even switch on the
light. The darkness fitted better to his mood. He
relaxed and let the sleep take hold of him. He just
hoped he wouldn't dream again of Sakura -if so, he
would wake up with an urge to cry and the day would
pass even more slowly.
He felt suddenly a hand on his chest. Absolutely
awoken, he shivered and his hand fumbled to find the
switch. The light flooded the room and he held back a
surprised cry as he saw the one who had awoken him.
Silky hair which was fallen in succession over the
bed, a pale and so pure skin, eyes of a cold blue...
Yue, the angel of the moon, the Judge, was facing him.
"Yu... Yue?" Syaoran got surprised.
"Master." The voice was cold, but Yue had just talked
to him. Talked to him for the first time in six years.
Syaoran stood open-mouthed as a strange feeling was
filling him. Even after his becoming the Cards Master,
he was always so sensible to Yue's presence. He felt
his pulse quickening as an unusual heat came to his
cheeks. "What... What are you doing here?"
"It's your birthday," Yue said flatly. "Kerberos
thought you needed something particular, to cheer you
up."
"Huh?"
Yue leaned in and kissed him. Immediately, Syaoran
wanted to push him away, but it happened that his arms
refused to lift. As though a part of himself wanted
that. As though a part of himself was still in love
with Yukito...
Syaoran found finally the will to push Yue back. "What
are you doing that?" he asked. Yue looked at him,
impassive.
"I told you: Kerberos thinks we have to cheer you up a
little. You're our Master, after all." The last words
were like a dagger twisted in the heart.
Yue leaned in again. That time, Syaoran pushed him
back violently. "I don't want this to happen like
this!" he cried out. A silence followed, during which
Syaoran was trying to recover his breath while Yue was
gazing at him with unblinking eyes.
"Yue," he said finally, "how could you accept this? I
thought you... loved Sakura's brother!" Yue's eyes
widened, as stricken, then he lowered his head.
/"Listen to me, you little snotty, I don't know how
you made that, but if only you make Yukito sad, I'll
go to Hongkong to make you pay for!"
An infuriated silence, then: "You've already made
Sakura cry. Be glad I let you live!"/
"Yue?"
"I miss him," the angel whispered. "There's not a
single day without I think of him."
Syaoran tapped on his shoulder. "I understand," he
murmured back. "I miss her too..."
/"Syaoran, I want you to know... It's not your fault.
I'm not mad at you..."
Emerald eyes full of tears, but also of honesty. No,
she'd never be mad at him. She'd rather be mad at her,
blaming herself for her whole life, bearing the weight
of her failure.../
Syaoran wiped off his eyes before tears appeared. He
had never allowed him to cry a single time until now.
He'd not begin now. If he ever started crying, he knew
he'd never stop.
"Master?" Yue said interrogatively.
Syaoran smiled at him. "You can leave," he said.
"Kerberos had a good intention but he was wrong: I'm
fine."
Yue looked at him for the moment, then rested his hand
on his cheek. "No," he said, "you're not fine at all."
Syaoran gazed at him, stunned. "You're like us," Yue
went on. "Kerberos, the Cards, you and I... we all
feel the same way..."
Syaoran looked away. He could feel his tears ready to
flow. Why now? Yue leaned in to him.
"Sometimes," he whispered, "to cry makes you feel
better. You don't have to hold back beside me..."
Those words were enough. Syaoran clutched the moon
angel and buried his face in his chest. He strangled
his wailing. Yue tightened his grip and stroke his
hairs. A single tear poured over his long silvery
lashes before getting lost.
Each one expresses his pain in a different way, but
the sorrow remains the same.
***************************
In the morning, Syaoran got up and gazed down at the
sleepy angel. Yue had opened his heart to him for one
night but it hadn't changed anything. The sense of
loss was the same, and it would never leave him.
The Clow Cards couldn't have outlived without their
owner's power. When he had died, they have slowly
start fading. Now they were depending on him. But how
long could he live without his star's energy?
"Sakura..."
He had known it since years: he was beginning to fade
too. Soon he wouldn't have enough power to supply the
Cards and protectors' existence. First, the Cards
would disappear, then Yue, the one who was depending
the most on his energy, and Kerberos at last.
And then... himself.
It would be like a release.
Syaoran looked at the sunbeams dyeing the skyline with
blood and chasing away the stars' light.
"Sakura..."
The End.
It's not what I wanted to write. It's better, but it's
really not what I wanted to write.
My original purpose was to write a Syaoran/Yukito
lemon (guess you can see where it had turned otherwise
^-^;;). That's why I wanted Syaoran to have the Cards
(and hence the protectors). But it seems like Syaoran
can't live without his Sakura, and he didn't let me
write the scene as I wanted to. Sigh... Some
characters are just too stubborn.
The title may be strange. Dawn means generally
renewal, hope, something good at least. But don't
forget Sakura's power is the star's. And dawn means
the end of night, and therefore the end of stars.
That's all.