Importantly, still carrying today this unblemished memory of my origin, taken together with and supported by Niddah 30b (particularly the statement if thou keepest it in purity, it is well, otherwise it is taken from thee) testifies that my particular chesedic soul is of pure atzilutic origin kept pure (otherwise, I would have forgotten from whence I came). It further testifies that I am a ba'alat teshuvah returning to Torah (having learned Torah in the womb, as each soul of Israel does), as opposed to being a convert (regardless of any lack of concrete geneo-religious documentation). In other words, I was born with this soul and it was indeed passed to me matrilineally. The birkat kohanim, a blessing of bestowal and infusion of the creative energy of the Shechinah, awakened and released the inborn potential to express it (the blessing and the curse of the bat kohen as described in Gemara Peshachim) in a powerful way (via the mystery of semichah). In my case, the first expressions birthed were surely chaotic, yet blooming from them comes evidence
of true mesirut nefesh - a physical birth in ignorance of my "Jewishness" in fulfillment of the divine will. In mastering the chaos of those first expressions, and through developing this website, comes keter shem tov, the crown of a good name - Akvah (see below). Modah ani lefaneicha melech chai v'kayam shehechezarta bi nishmati bechemlah - rabba emunatecha. Moreover, that this all came about through an act of semichah (necessarily the act of a kohen tzedek, Sukah 52b) testifies that the Rabbi and I are nirtzah, even then, and that our deeds and prayers are acceptable to Hashem (Likutey Moharan 1). Accepted favorably by Hashem, may the complete and final redemption speedily also come, in our day.
The bat kohen is also represented in manifest reality as Bat Sheva (described in Torah as tovat, by the letter tet), whose hidden reality is rooted in the divine name, Akvah, associated with the right side of da'at and with the priestly function to connect heaven and earth. This function is performed through the power to bear opposites with the aleph, which unites (a function of tet) the shin of this world with the shin of both the coming world and of the future to come with truth (emet, with a reduced value gematria of 9, bringing clarity into focus with 9 blasts of the shofar). Lishmoa kol shofar v'emet. This is the missing truth in the fishy story of Sefer Yonah (Yonah 4:2). The truth "missing" in Yonah 4:2 and revealed now is necessary for redemption (Shemot 34:6) of the yetzer hara (as opposed to mercifully abrogating judgment every year) and its transformation into the shepherd of complete and final redemption. This Rosh Hashanah 5766, the 9th year following my formal return to Torah, is hereby sealed with truth. |
