All of this is from the book "god's debris"

Men believe that men are, in a sense defective versions of women. Men believe that women are defective versions of men. Both genders are trapped in a delusion that their personal viewpoints are universal. That viewpoint; that each gender is a defective version of the other is the root of all misunderstandings.

Women define themselves by their relationships and men by whom they are helping. Women believe value is created by sacrifice. If you are willing to give up your favorite activities to be with her, she will trust you. If being with her is too easy, she will not trust you.

Rich and famous people are capable of making larger sacrifices. The average man might be sacrificing a night of television to be with a woman. the rich and famous man could be sacrificing a week in tahiti. There is much to be said about the attraction of power and confidence exuded by a rich and powerful man, but capacity for sacrifice is the most important thing.

Men believe value is created by accomplishment, and they have objectives for the women in their lives. If a woman meets the objectives, he assumes she loves him. If she fails to meet the objectives he will assume she does not love him, and that she should've tried harder if she really loved him.

A woman needs to be told that you would sacrifice anything for her. A man needs to be told he is being useful. When the man or woman strays from that formula, the other looses trust. When trust is lost, communication falls apart.

Without trust, you can only communicate only trivial things. If you try to communicate something important without a foundation of trust, you will be suspected of having a secret agenda. Your words will be analyzed for hidden meaning and your simple message will be clouded by suspecions

Conversation is more than the sum of words. It is also a way of signaling the importance of another person by showing your willingness to give that person your rarest resource; time. It is a way of conveying respect. Conversation reminds us that we are part of a greater whole. Connected in some way that transcends duty, bloodline or commerce. Conversation can be many things, but it can never be useless.

When you find out how others deal with their situations it is automatically relevant to you. There will always be parallels in your life. Find out what you and he have in common, then ask how he likes it, how he deals with it, and if he has any clever solutions for it. Perhaps you both have long commutes, or you both have mothers who call too often or you both ski. Find that point of common intrest and you will both be talking about yourself to the delight of the other.

What about sharing my opinions on important things? I'm always getting into debates with people. It seems like I always have a responsiblility to set people straight. Sometimes though, i wish i could shut up. But when you hear the crazy views that some people have actually most people how can you let it slide?
Have you ever been in traffic behind someone who doesn't move when the light turns green? so you honk your horn, then you realize the car is stalled and there is nothing the driver could have done?
Most disagreements are like this example. Two people have different information biut they think the root of their disagreement is that the other person has bad judgment or bad manners, bad values. In fact, most people would share you opinions if they had the same information. If you spend your time arguing about the faultiness of other people's opinions you waste your time and theirs.

See if you can find out whats wrong with some of the philosophy...

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