Tana was in Dis' realm where He rules. She accepts his power over not only Her but all that is within that realm by Her submission to Him. We all kneel to death in the end. It is unescapable and it is the only thing we are truly guaranteed of in this life. That is why she says that it is fate and better served. It is meant to be and there is no sense in resisting the inevitable. I agree with what others have said, comparing the scourge to the pain and/or discomfort of death and transformation.
Some might mistake the scourging for the type of beating given by an abuser. It is not. Neither is it something that she accepts in hindsight amid tears and apologies. It is something far beyond the type of pain an abuser seeks to release by perpetrating physical pain upon a victim. The Lady is not the Lord's victim. An abuser might say they are motivated by love, but in reality they are moved by their own intense internal pain, confusion, and feelings of inadequacy. I do not see this in or coming from Dis as the Lord. Also, this is why He scourges tenderly, because He's coming from a place of love rather than a place of evil.
Another point, I'd like to make here is that 'so tender a hand' might not necessarily equate with gentleness. It could very well have been translated as 'with a tended hand' meaning the attention he paid to the act. His strokes may very well have been firm, deliberate and controlled. So *there* may be wherein she knew his pain, that even though He was surely disapointed that She would not accept His love, still He did not take it out upon Her and did not use any unnecessary force. In that She saw, found, and knew His love for Her.
His love for her was beyond that which is required of Him in His role of God of Death, imo. She had given up all the outward symbols, but there were still things she had not given up, such as her perceptions and expectations as one so aptly said. She also had not given up herself, her resistance, rebelion, and resentment. I think She knew that holding onto those things while in that realm was inappropriate, but still could not help it. That is why She knelt so willingly to the scourge, imo, because She knew that it would break her hold on those insubstatial immaterial things. I think She knew that without letting go of these things, She could never accept what He offered Her. She could not accept His power, while still clinging to the idea that all should be pretty and perfect and ever untouched by His hand.
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