i really like this song......even tho its not about anything in my life it kinda is.......ill take what i want from it.....whatever.......anyway i woke up early again fer now reason....whats up with this?? but i did fall asleep last nite at like 10 er something....im such a burn out......oh well....
so yesterday i went up town with renee......there is absolutely nothing to do up town.....i wanted to go to the band and get my osap money but then i realized that i didnt know my address at school and i dont have it ritten down so that was outta the question.......so instead we were just gonna go to the goth store and look at a pair of shoes that ive been eyeing fer months now......well i walked up to meet renee and while we were walking back to the store we seen the kid that owned the store.....ne talked to him and he said that hed closed his store but he would open when he got back from burger king....so i figured fine well waste time at the witch store no big.......well the witch store was renovating so everything in the store was cover with sheets...mother fucker....we couldnt look at anything......so we went to shoppers drug mart....and i bought some shit and ne got a pop and then we sat down and she drank it and blah....the store still wasnt open so we decided to go to this new thrift city shit hole store to kill more time.......but then i saw jenn pay.....a girl i used to be really good friends with and havent seen ferever......so we talked and blah.....turns out shes putting on classes at the witch store....so we went in there and talked cuz it was bloody cold......so i talked to her there till the kid got back.....so then we went to the goth store.....i tried on the shoes but they were too motherfucking big......not impressed.....but i did pick up some purple fishnet thigh highs.....i like purple and 2 little buttons....xray spex and the clash......fer no particular reason......all for under $10......wooo fun xciting day on the town.....not really
so anyway then me and ne went back to her house....and blah....on the way there i told her all about kirk......and we got back to her place we smoked and shit.....she was sposed to go over to paveys again at 8:30 but i was already feeling tired so i called my mommy and she picked me up at like 7:30....i spent the rest of the nite on the couch watching tv and i fell asleep during will and grace and then my mom brought me blankets and i just slept on the couch cuz my room is really cold....so woo that was my xciting day yesterday.......i didnt do any school work.....im a slacker......i got fried off my ass and passed out.......nice....
well thats it fer now.....ta
time: 3:18am
so ya......kirk came over tonite.......and ya u know how over trying to get back with him i am........i didnt get dressed up.....i didnt shave my legs......hell i didnt even wear a bra......im wearing an old vneck sweater and some retarted "arizona" tshirt my grandparents bought me.......and a retarted pair of pants......i mean i thought about putting on normal clothes but then realized that why should i bother?? he doesnt care......hes seen me naked rite......clothes is clothes....so ya.......he came over.....and we watched the end of law & order....cuz i was watching it when he came and my moms had just got home so i know he felt weird.......hes not a big family fan.........so anywho....when the show was over and moms had gone to bed we decided to watch a movie......first we were gonna watch silence of the lambs.....but then kirk decided on interview with the vampire......one of my favourite movies.....i love the boox.....oh anyway.......we watched the movie......he sat beside me....which i wasnt xpecting....but whatever.......im cool.....so then near the end of the movie.....when louis' back in new orleans fer those of u whove seen it.....kirk ends up snuggling up into my chest.....well.....ya......i wasnt xpecting that....and i mean i wont kid.....i loved every second of it but ya.....he was just tired......so ya....at least we can still do that u know......i missed that a lot the whole cuddlie thing......and i must admit....i have more will power than i thought.....cuz man i coulda so just started to kiss him......but i didnt.....i wanted to but i didnt....and im very proud of myself.....i dunno.....i dont want to get hurt yet again by just my own stupidity......i mean hes told me that he has no romantic feelings for me.....i get it....i understand.....so anything that he does that i mite take as an advance simply isnt....thats all there is to it.......and when i start thinking different thats where i get into trouble.....so ya....i can do this.......i can be his friend.....oh man but i want him sooo bad its ridiculous.....why does he have to be so damned hot?? argh.....oh well....i just have to stop thinking about him like that u know what i mean like that......ya......and i can do it.....yeah me.....goddess give me strength! thats it fer today.....i mite see him tomorrow....im trying to be casual about it but really.....unfortunately....on the inside im jumping up and down like an xcited little kid......grrr.......stupid innner child....nite
listening to: "love song" the cure