journal
09.01.03
so cold.
09.02.03 not normal people
at the deli during lunch today: i was sitting alone by the window eating a sandwich when a man, maybe in his fifties, came over and sat down right across from me. there was no warning, no polite, "do you mind?" i glanced around and saw that the place was almost entirely empty. sensing my discomfort, he said, "it's alright, there's plenty of room."
what did he mean by "plenty of room"? because yes, there were in fact empty tables all around us. perhaps he felt that there was plenty of room for the two of us at the table where i was ALREADY SITTING? who does that? clearly not a normal person. and also it did not help that he looked *just* like robin williams in one hour photo. wary of making eye contact, i pulled out a book and held it in front of my face as though to read. few minutes passed in silence, then, "healthy, huh?"
again it was not quite clear what he meant because i was having chicken parmesan and he was eating a small salad. i looked up at him. a small purple bit of raddiccio was stuck to his lower lip. "yeah", i said, and smiled to be nice. then i quickly packed up my things and left. not that he was crazy. but he was just weird enough.
there are many crazies in nyc. though more in sanfran. jen once told me that some crazy person punched her friend in the face for no reason. they were on a bus. there was a crazy person. and just like that, there was punching in the face. what can you do when a crazy person attacks you? i think the best thing is to run away. because let's say you get angry and fight back. you can do martial arts but the crazy person might retaliate by biting into your nose. or let's say you are really quite a lovely person and you try to calm the crazy down by softly singing a tune from the hit musical chicago (i.e. "mr.cellophane"). there's still a good chance that your nose will be bitten into. like i said, running and hiding would probably be best.
an excerpt from joe's journal (copied and pasted without asking):
a fbi agent came in and individually interviewed most of the office people. apparently, the company and fbi are doing an investigation on missing funds. anyway, i was the first to be interrogated. actually, the fbi agent seemed very gentle and nice. maybe too nice for a fbi agent. anyway, he asked me random questions such as "did you take the money?", "do you know who took the money?", "what should happen to the person(s) who took the money?"
09.04.03
i've been singing "mr.cellophane" in my head all day. thanks denise. now, there's a song that makes you want to pull out the jazz hands.
another week just zipped right on by.
09.05.03
i am at work. dk is laughing on the phone. "hahahaha". there's all this work to do. i feel like a crazy person. happy (happy) happy (happy).
09.06.03
hans, one of my roommates from college came to visit so we met up at wendy's apt in the city and spent the entire day eating. first we went to one of those japanese restaurants with the small plates of food on conveyor belts. that was so fun! i like the idea of the moving food. it's like they're putting on a little show. a little show for me to eat. for dessert we had mochi ice cream. and about two hours after that we had wings and beer. sometimes i really am such a pig. but so are my friends.
09.08.03
right after lunch i get this email from dk (asst.manager). it says, 'i know you're busy....blabla...but it would really help me out if you could just take care of this for me... tied up with so much stuff right now... you may have to make manual shipping documents blablabla...thanks." so he's busy and i am also busy, yet i have to do his crap work. also it irriates me that he wrote "you may have to" when in fact he is telling me to it. that is just so under the skin. a few minutes later i pass his desk and he is playing a COMPUTER GAME.
when i saw him playing that online soccer game, i felt SO ANGRY. so angry that my hands started shaking. i thought about going over and saying something but i was just too angry. then i decided to reply to the email he sent but again, too angry. i was too angry to do anything so i sat for a little bit. then i did the work. i don't know. he has a fat head. i should just let it go. but man, i'm angry again just thinking about it.
09.09.03
i lost my monthly train pass. too bad! wahhhh. usually i just pull out my pass when the conductor comes by but for some reason today i decided to wedge it into the ticket holder. before opening up my book, i made a mental note, "don't forget train pass. would really suck to lose it. imagine having to buy a new one. can't lose it, can't, can't." and then i did! dream come true. yet why do i have this strange feeling that it was turned in? if i found a monthly, i'd turn it in. so until i check with the nj transit tomorrow, i'm going to believe that it will be returned to me. yay.
so choo-suhk (korean thanksgiving) is coming up. it's a really big deal in korea. you get multiple days off and people get bonuses at work. but that's just in korea i guess because we're getting dduk instead. anyway, dk suggested that we go out to drink for choo-suhk. yk (other female coworker) was reluctant and i didn't say anything. the next day yk turned to me and asked, 'instead of drinking, why don't we all go watch a movie?' so i said ok. better to watch a movie than go drinking with jl and dk. but after further consideration... NO, NOT BETTER. i do not want to be involved in what would kind of look like a twisted double date. a dinner and then on to a movie. the four of us. two men. two women. gross.
09.11.03
there's so much security in penn station today. does it feel thafer? not really.
no luck with the train pass. i had to file a police report for a lost item in order to file a reimbursement request with the nj transit for a *possible* refund. and if i don't get a refund, i am going to live at emi's for the rest of september. i absolutely refuse to buy another monthly pass.
i just got a tray of rice cake from work. oh wow, thank you. happy choo-suhk mr.whiskas.
they gave me another train pass! someone called from customer service and told me to pick it up in newark. yay. i asked if anyone had turned in a raritan valley pass, just to check, and the customer service guy did a snort-laugh so i took that as a no.
09.12.03
bora bora. when do i get to go there?
09.16.03
is anyone feeling nervous at all about the hurricane? what are the odds of getting killed by a falling tree branch or a blunt force to the head by a potted plant!? not entirely unlikely in hurricane conditions.
once in a while after work i am so hungry that i feel like i am going to faint. why does that happen?
i had too much coffee today. as i was speed walking down 7th ave listening to my jazz cd, i felt almost certain that if at that very moment i stopped walking and started to tap dance, i would be able to do it. it would come to me like second nature. happy feet. tap tap tap. so just now i tried to do it in my room and you know, i can't do it. i don't know how.
09.24.03
my screen name on aim says i've been online for 12 days, which is not true. for brief moment i imagned jl or dk secretly using my computer to sign on and chat with all my friends. in broken english. hahaha. i laugh but cannot shake off this paranoia. will have to change password.
password changed. ahh. feel better. will sleep in peace now. acutally should sleep soon. ugh. have no life. only work. if not work then on a train. it really stinks you guys.
09.27.03
ugh, feel gross. spent all night watching movies on my new vcr. ooh, little women is on channel 13. haven't seen it in ages. probably should watch it then.
09.29.03
i layed in bed with my eyes closed for over two hours and then i just had to get up. obviously, people, OBVIOUSLY i am not sleepy enough.
has anyone noticed that actor james spader has looked exactly the same since the late eighties?
james spader is an alien from outer space.
so my friend sarah lives in a town called crystal city. "crystal city" sounds so sci-fi fantasy, doesn't it? like "oz". or "garwood". it can also sound like a city from the distant future. like in the YEAR 2000. "in the year 2000, james spader will still be 34."
there is nothing good to eat at home. alot of all natural, organic, vegetables with stalk still attatched, grains still in their husks sort of food. am in no mood to steam a corn. i wish i could have a tiramisu. or nachos. pizza.
i ate so much healthier in high school. my lunches would often consist of corn cakes, yogurt, and a fruit salad. but now, now that i am in my mid twenties and most of my day is spent sitting in a swivel chair, i'll smear half an inch of cream cheese on a bagel. four sugars in a coffee. pasta *and* bread. have i activated the early stages of the inevitable "middle age spread"? if so, can it be prevented by green tea? because whenever i eat alot of food and drink green tea afterwards, i have this mental image of the fat simply dissolving in the tea. so whatever i've eaten becomes non-fat and low-cal. it's almost as though i've eaten nothing at all, isn't it? i'm not so delusional though. deep in my heart of hearts i know that donuts will make me fat.
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