journal
03.02.03
if you see me walking down the street
and i start to cry each time we meet
walk on by, walk on by, make believe
that you don't see the tears, just let me grieve
in private 'cause each time i see you
i break down and cry
and walk on by (don't stop)
and walk on by (don't stop)
and walk on by.
dionne warwick is so good. soooo good. i am singing this song over and over in my head.
olivia, jane, and i took a road trip to v.a. to see sarah this weekend. it was like a three day slumber party- lots of eating, laughing, shopping, not sleeping. it was a nice mini break from my daily home-->work-->home routine. it all went by a bit too fast tho. i need more weekends. but all clumped together and not separated by five days.
03.03.03 happy birthday paul
my kid brother is 22. i realize that i talk very little about my brother paul. but what can i say? he's my brother and he's been around for ages.
some paul-facts: he likes video games, driving fast, and eating whole pies from the bakery where his girlfriend has a part-time job. he doesn't like raw vegetables, the bbc pride and prejudice, and when i pinch my stomach fat and ask him if i'm fat.
i bought a dvd of amelie at the target in fairfax. it was really exciting because the tax is only 4.5% there. i probably saved forty cents. but still.
advice. i wish i had some to give. when friends are going through tough times, i'll listen and i'll want to say something that would truly make them feel better but i never know what that could be.
03.05.03
if i get a dog, i might name him mr.bojangles.
i got waxed today. now i'm neat and prim and unhairy as a young lady should be.
smooth skin is nice. the mass ripping of hair from the body, not so nice. it was painful. can't imagine what a bikini wax must feel like. shudder.
meaningless job. that is what i have. nine hours of my day goes into it. when my year is up, i am out. i'm going back to school. and then i'm going to invent the piano keys tie.
03.06.03happy birthday dr.e
she turns twenty-four today. we must sing the happy birthday song and "muhaha" after each stanza.
i spent an hour quietly singing along to "simon and garfunkel's concert in central park" aired on pbs. it was kinda relaxing.
i'm tired. lately lots of things are making me tired. work. home. people. me. especially me. and what then? what happens when i'm tired of me?
03.07.03more happy birthdays
happy birthday dad! i bought him a nice cake and ate most of it. muhaha.
also, happy birthday mr.president! president of the fanclub turned 24.
03.08.03 4:33pm, saturday
am in the process of doing absolutely nothing. only outing today was down the street to lord and taylor. that was 11am. have been bumming around indoors all day. but the weather is so nice! really ought to get up and go running. or go to the library. however, i am being held hostage by my own lazy butt. and it is quite clear that if your butt wants to be lazy, you have no choice but to submit.
so bored. will have to have another piece of dad's birthday cake to amuse myself.
03.09.03 f.y.i.
name: l.m.j
age: 24
ethnicity: korean
double eyelid surgery: no
rides: nj transit
reading: one hundred years of solitude
fond of: puppies, cakes, snow, cheek tint, lip gloss, steak, beer, wings, alias, anne of green gables, jazz, wrapping paper, black and white photographs, shoes, harry potter.
dislikes: fat (unless in food), tapered pants, someone's butt accidently making contact with own, milk, big sparkly hair scrunchies, mango strings stuck between teeth, thong stuck between butt, flat bangs, high-school poetry, screaming babies, current job.
drinks maximum: 4 alcohol units
watches: bridget jones once a month
member: krispy kremem ny club
just ate: mandoo
however: laying down
and going to: bedfordshire
03.10.03
poeks: can you sing me a song?
lindajun: no
lindajun: not today
lindajun: i fell on the escalator of penn station while running to catch my train
lindajun: my knee bled today so i cant' sing.
poeks: :L
poeks: how does one fall on the escalator, exactly?
lindajun: why aren't youlaughing
lindajun: well, you know how pointy toe boots are all the rage
poeks: oh i am
lindajun: the pointy toe of my shoe somehow got caught in my pant leg
lindajun: and i went crashing down, cavernous bag and all
poeks: hee
poeks: did passersby point and stare?
lindajun: well there happened to be a rangers game that let out just then
lindajun: at madison square garden.
poeks: muahahaha
poeks: nice
lindajun: a nice old gentleman picked me up tho
lindajun: he asked me if i was okay and i said yes and then i took off again
lindajun: because i had to catch my train
poeks: did you hobble?
lindajun: of course not
lindajun: i sprinted all the way to track one from the LIRR
poeks: because that would have been funny
poeks: what were you doing on the lirr?
lindajun: i was on that side of the station
lindajun: so the point is, lin is so brave
poeks: ah
lindajun: though she fell and got THREE bloody cuts on her knee
poeks: i missed that the first time round
lindajun: she still made the train
lindajun: and got to westfield
poeks: hurrah!
lindajun: the blood made spots on my pants. i felt like a trouble maker.
poeks: ooh
lindajun: now my knee is smothered in neosporin
lindajun: do you think i can go to work tomorrow?
poeks: only nerds with adhesive tape on the bridge of their glasses use neosporin
lindajun: that's not true. i actually carry a small one in my bag
poeks: adhesive tape?
lindajun: no, neosporin
lindajun: it hurts. : * (
poeks: sing a song
poeks: it will make it feel besser
03.11.03
my knee is better now. i have scabs. and my scabby knee makes me feel like a kid.
i am addicted to soy milk. why so good? milk of the soy is far superior to all other milks. poeks recommends something called 'rice dream' but i bet you it's not as good as soy milk.
03.12.03
jane is away on vacation and i have no one to hang out with during my lunch break. still have 15mins of lunch time but i'm already back at my desk. no! i don't want to be here during my lunch break! i hear sounds of nail clipping from dk's cube. why is he always doing that? why not some work?
i'm gonna get ice cream, then walk to bryant park and back.
03.16.03
yesterday i went to ac with dr.e, patty, and maria. dr.e won eighty bucks at the blackjack table and i lost six to a slot machine. why do i even play slot machines? i know i will never win. and yet the clank-clanking of coins cascading onto the metal tray of some lucky *winner* sounds so promising to me. and the vibrant flashing lights and neon fruits that spin round and round... it is like moth to a flame.
we went to a buffet in caesar's palace for dinner because when you're in ac you have to eat either buffet or boardwalk (hotdogs, funnel cake, taffy). we sat for two hours and ate massive quantities of food. that was the best part of our day trip, i think. eating. because eating is the best.
sunny days
today was so nice. i put on my jackie o sunglasses and went for a drive with the windows all the way down. the road eventually led me to the short hills mall. v.bizarre. window shopped for a little and tried on a pair of seven jeans. i want them! they make my butt look perky! they are miracle jeans! ugh, but really can't justify buying a pair of jeans for $131. it's just not right. right?
i went out for an early dinner with mom and paul but why is my stomach still sticking out? sleeping on a full stomach is most uncomfortable. also it makes my face puffy in the morning and that sometimes makes me lose my double eyelids- and ya know, what korean girl wants that?
03.17.03
of all the insects in the world, i hate spiders most. i *hate* them. sometimes before muting a spider with a ball of tissue, i get a good look and gross myself out. but after i see it up close, i can't kill it because i am scared. you know that feeling when you get the shivers and you can't seem to make a fist? so then i have to get someone to kill it for me or spray it from a distance of maybe 2 feet with whatever is at hand, like hairspray or pledge. the spraying method is not so sound as the spider may simply drop off the wall and crawl away unharmed. v.risky.
in middle school health class mrs.mellon told us that hallucinogens will make us see things that we fear. i always thought that if i ever tried acid i might drown in a sea of pale, white raisin colored, juicy-bodied spiders. no tangerine trees and marshmallow skies for me.
03.21.03
so here's something that i am debating right now: i know someone at t, a v.hip clothing company, who says she can easily get an internship for me. an internship and not a job because i have no art school background. the drawback- a major drawback actually- is that interns there get paid $35 dollars a *day*. i am not sure if that is even legal. i mean, how ridiculous is that in nyc? but then on the other hand, interns are almost always offered full time positions after 2-3 months. that is how this person started her job. what should i do? should i go for it?
afterall, i still have the tutoring on the side and live at home so i won't be hungry. rosy thoughts of moving out to the city however are squashed. and then there is always the risk of NOT being offered a position. can you imagine if you quit your job with good health benefits and subsidized lunches (we eat really well) to work for $35 a day for three months, after which they ask you to leave? i would plummet to the depths of despair. i would rather shave my head.
i don't know. the company i am with now might pay for a course at fit in textiles which is worthwhile. but how much longer can i stand working there after jane leaves in the summer? why do such "opportunities" give me the option of going from low income to no income?
03.22.03
i went to the pet store again. when i walked in, one of the employees was playing with a really beautiful siberian husky puppy. if i could have a large dog, it would be a siberian husky. they're so active though- might not be the right dog for me. maybe if i lived in the yukon and rode around in a sled. then i could have a team of huskies like in call of the wild. i would wear a fur lined parka and eat beef jerkey. it could happen.
why are all dog books so sad? one of my favorite dog books is where the red fern grows. a real tear jerker. the good and loyal dogs always die in the end.
herbie the friendly skeleton
herbie is the skeleton that poeks recently bought on ebay. he is v.friendly and never meant to hurt anyone.
poeks: so know i had herbie in the window, waving to people?
lindajun: yeah
poeks: so today the door rings, and i go downstairs
poeks: and this woman is standing there
poeks: shes like, "this is really hard, but can you do me a favor?"
poeks: "my sister in law died last week, and the skeleton is just..."
lindajun: HAHAHAHAHA
poeks: isn't that crazy?
lindajun: hahaha
poeks: i felt so bad
lindajun: can't stop laughing
poeks: hee
lindajun: that is ridiculous
poeks: it's like a french farce
lindajun: freedom farce
poeks: damn you
poeks: beat me
lindajun: muhaha
03.25.03
thanks mr.president for your encouragement. in times of trouble and confusion i am like mariah carey. i draw strength from my fans and pretend that i am a butterfly.
what a horrible mood i am in. first of all, it is that hormonal time. secondly, tutoring was so long. jaz has an exam tomorrow but she was so uncooperative today. i went to tutor straight after work and stayed until quarter past nine. it was all stressful because i left knowing she would not do well but i mean, i can't stay there all night! i can't do this anymore! it is so frustrating and tiresome.
i was super cranky when i got home that i went straight to my room, shut the door, and sulked. otherwise i might have snapped at my parents, and that's not very nice. still cranky but now it's a sad-cranky whereas before, it was a pissed off cranky. going to bed all cranky now. goodnight.
03.26.03
jane says i should go to school full time next spring because if i don't do it now, i never will. this is probably true.
i am taking my vacation in may. mexico or france. it's hard to say. so are you coming or not?
today i talked to jeff.s the president of the fanclub online for the first time. he interviewed me and ended up revealing alot more about my private life than i had intended. tricky questions. v.tricky. he also told me that he is drawing the fanclub stationary with crayons at home. while going to business and med school at the *same time* (hahaha, how can he do that? i don't understand) he is still finding time to draw communist stationary. that is dedication. i feel honored.
03.27.03destination: mexico
okay, so it is going to be cancun. french people hate us. we can't go to france right now.
03.28.03i remember
jem, jem is excitement
oooh, jem, jem is adventure
oooh, glamour and glitter
fashion and fame!
jem! jem is truly outrageous
truly, truly, truly outrageous
oooh, jem! jem, her music's contaigous
outrageous
jem is my name, no one else is the same
jame is my name, jem!
that is the theme song from jem, a cartoon from the mid eighties about a female rockband called jem and the holograms. i know the entire song by heart because i really loved jem. in the late 80's i got a jem doll that came with a cassette tape. yes, i still have it.
mom, paul, and i went on a trip to the uk many years back. we spent one night at this seaside bed and breakfast in whales, a very old fashioned and a rather musty dusty sort of place. but the owners were a friendly and cheerful old married couple and we liked them. by their doorway they kept a small glass bowl of unwrapped candy called "humbugs". the candy was very glossy and pretty with brown and caramel colored stripes on it. when they said, "have a humbug, it's delicious!", i picked out a particularly large piece and popped it in my mouth. it tasted like licorice x's 1000. terrible! but i nodded and told them it was indeed, absolutely tasty. before we left, they gave us a whole bag of humbugs to take home.
the first time i saw yang zimou's to live, i cried and cried.
03.29.03
i lost my new earrings. i took them off last night and dropped them into the front pocket of my handbag and made a note to self, 'i probably shouldn't put the earrings there as they will get caught in the car keys and later when i pull out the keys, they will fall out and i won't notice.' i knew i would lose them if i left them in the front pocket... and yet... i left them in the front pocket. so retarded.
well, since i lost the earrings i feel like i have to return the new pair of jeans i bought today.
the travel guides say that may and june is low season in the yucatan area. temperature in the nineties, regular rains, and high humidity. how annoying. i was so looking forward to this trip. what if we go and it rains every single day and at the same time on the jersey shore it is 87 degrees and sunny? that would just be too freedom farcical.
pizza. it's a good thing.
03.30.03
is it me or does march seem v.long?
i found my radio head 'ok computer' cd today! this was a delightful surprise. i thought it was lost forever. seriously, i've been looking for this cd off and on for the past three years. so to the ex-roommates that i had wrongfully accused of stealing my cd- guys i found it! muhaha.
watched bridget jones again.
i pulled out my accordion just now and tried to figure out the order of the scale. still v.confused. i'm really going to look for lessons. maybe downtown at the music center? why do i keep imagining that my accordion instructor would be a burly midget?
it is fairly obvious to me poeks, that you will continue to suggest locations *near* mexico city so that, well, we'll just end up going to mexico city. very tricky! but the actual plan is to a)lay down b)on a beach c)drink margaritas and d)get a picture of me climbing a mayan temple. if that doesn't sound like a good time, then ya know, you should come anyway.
it's snowing outside. how mean.
i just spent the past 2 hours playing the accordion and missed the all new alias. however, i can now play "danny boy" and as requested by dr.e, "la vie en rose". the second one is hard to play and needs more practice. i made my parents listen to "danny boy" twice. when i play the accordion, i kind of want to laugh and not laugh at the same time. on the one hand, it is just a weird sight, me playing the accordion. on the other, i have realized a natural talent and am deeply moved by this.
03.31.03
you know how some people have like 150 buddies on their buddy list? that's me.
it's very strange though isn't it, because everyone knows i have five friends. in any case, i was looking down the list and found this screen name: mrbiblestudy. i am thinking very hard but i do not remember ever chatting with a mrbiblestudy. who can he be?
the office coffee is really not *coffee* by our standards. it is not the dark, aromatic brew that most people are accustomed to drinking in the morning. i'd say it is alot closer to... tar. no amount of sugar and coffeemate hazelnut creamer can mollify the sludgy bitter-burnt taste of tar.
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