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Last updated September 3rd, 2005
Hondo: Okay, we have a situation: we have a Polish guy in that house.
Diek: So what if he's Polish?
Hondo: No, Polish just means he's one of those guys that are like "Anybody comes in, I blow my head off" kinda guy
- SWAT the movie
Bart: No! You can't tell anybody, or else....or else I'll tell everyone how you wet your pants watching Harry Potter!
His friend: I wasn't scared, I was just peeing!
- Simpsons
Some guy: You can't go into that temple with guns! It's a holy temple!
His friend: Well, you see this gun? It's a holy gun, you know why? Cuz when you shoot it, it makes a rather large holy if you get my drift.
- The Medallion
David: MEEEEEEEEHOF!!!
-David
David: FAAUURRR!!!
-David
Jimmy: WTF is faur???
-Jimmy:
Little old lady: Now don't you police have anything better to do then go arrest another black guy?
Diek: Let's see how much you're talkin when he breaks into your house
Lady: Mmmhmmm
Diek: Mmmmhmm, my ass
-SWAT the movie
Malcolm: Dad told me that when woman are in their trisomething stage of pregnancy, they sometimes get a little hormonal
Dad: Run boys!!! Sombody left the cap off the toothpaste!!!
Kids: AAHHHHHH!!!!!
-Malcolm in the Middle
What? I thought that was funny.
Dad: What??? This book is three weeks overdue!!! What is it going to take for you boys to learn some responsiblilty??? If you're like this now, you're never going to -
*Electricity goes off suddenly*
Dad: Wow, is it the thirteenth already?
-Malcolm in the Middle
......I thought that was pretty funny too.....
David: You're the only sane one of us three here, Kai.
Kai: *starts jumping around* Heee....heee...heeee
-Duh
Reese: This Thanksgiving dinner has to be perfect.
*ding* oven timer goes off
Reese: Oh no! The turkey! I need some oven mitts...oven mitts...no oven mitts, no towels!
Piama: What are you going to do?!
Reese: The only thing I can do...*opens oven door, takes out turkey with bare hands
Reese: AHHH!!! AAHH!!! MAKE A SPACE!!! MAKE A SPACE!!!
Piama: Where?! Where???!!
Reese: Uhh...move the oven mitts!
-Malcolm in the Middle
>
Wendy: But mom, I wanna be a stupid spoiled WHORE!
-South Park
Silas: Wow.....I am so putting that in my buddy profile
-on AIM
Steve: Okay Quagmire, this exercise should teach you self control.
*lowers ceiling fan two inches above naked Quagimire's crotch, turns fan on*
Other dude: Here's this month's Victoria's Secret catalogue.
Quagmire: Oh god! Oh god! Uhh, uhhh...kittens! Dead kittens! Uhh..uhh...oh god, uhhh...nuns! Old nuns! Really old nuns! Uhh...Renee Zellweger! Ah, that's better.
-Family Guy
Chris: Hey Stewie, want some ice cream?
Stewie: Okay. But no sprinkles, for every sprinke I find, I shall kill you!
-Family Guy
"Glycerol ester of wood rosin"
-on ingredients list of Diet Sunkiist can
Mr. Kissel: Kent, two words. The first one starts with a shut. The second one is the opposite of down.
-in math class
Nick: Ari, why do you swear so much, god damnit!
-at school
Marge: Let's all sit down and have a nice dinner!
Other dude: Well, since I'm not part of this family, I guess I should get going....home...to my messy apartment.....with all my starving cats....and see if there's enough food in the fridge to feed me....and sit down on the couch and turn on Will & Grace....and cry myself to sleep....*sigh*
Marge: Oh...would you like to join us?
Other dude: Didn't you hear me, I have plans!
-The Simpsons
Nick: Ari's getting turned on by a frog!
-science class
Ari: I don't see a hole, all I see's a crack-
Nick: I don't wanna know!!!
-in science class looking at our ffrog
Kai: Monkeys?! Awesome!
Ling: Hahaha. Basically. I just torture them.
Ling: We put like 15 screws into their skulls, attach this weird material to it, and attach this hook to the material so they can't move their heads AT ALL [goes on and on]
-on AIM
Trent: Somewhere in the world, right now, somebody's eating pie...and I wish I was him.
-in science class
*Cartman and Kyle both about to die*
Cartman: Kyle, all those times I made fun of you being a Jew, I didn't mean it, you're not a Jew
Kyle:.......Cartman, I am a Jew!
Cartman: Oh, no you're not, don't be so hard on yourself
-the South Park movie
Holden: *muttering* Man, looks like somebody's had they're Queerios today
-about to go on a roller coaster, talking about this gay announcer...you had to be there
Jack: Dude, your cellphone camera sucks! Mine's better
Kai: No, I doubt it. Most cellphone cameras have the same resolution
Jack: It's not the resolution that matters, it's the megapixels!
-only tech geeks would get that
Ms. Baldwin: And you're name is DJ?
DJ: Yeah
Ms. Baldwin: How do you spell that?
DJ: Uhh......DJ....
-English class