This is how I feel: I feel like I have no motavation and that when I ask for help I push those I ask away because I want to solve my problems on my own but while knowing I need thier help. I cry with no notice for no reason. I start to feel useless because I don't do anything, don't go anywhere, don't know what I like or what I want to do, let a lone what I want to pursue as a career. I am only sure that I like watching movies, and I like analyzing but I do it too much. I analyze weather I should get out of bed every morning. I don't eat right, exersice, or do anything any normal or healthy person does. My mom says that when I am in need of her she will be there for me, but she is so invloved in my sisters life she can't even make it to my other sisters school functions, so I wonder if she would possibly have the time for me if I actually did anything worth doing. I hold in how I feel until I feel like I have to talk to someone to get it all out, so then I go to my mom to talk, but she is constiantly busy. I think that if I could just go away from where everyone knows me and start out with a diffrent attitude I would be fine. But I don't want to do that, I want to get over my fears, and my troubles and continue on with my life where I am. I just need to find out who I am and what I want. Once I have that planed I can focus on the little things in life that I take for granted. I can enjoy the things I was once affraid of trying. My dad listens but what I need is my mom to listen and understand. I need help nomatter how much I push it away, theres got to be somthing out there that can get to me thourgh all my pushing. Something that I can do and not feel bad about doing it or feel fake. I want to find my fashion style not try what I think is cute, but mine, my own. I want to be me. I need to find myself. I need that now and I need it before I give up the last thing I have...hope.