[[ Part 14- Adele's Diary ]]
Everything is so confusing. Everything with Matty and Noah. I never really felt that much for Matty. I guess since I haven't seen him for a while, it brought back heaps of memories. Maybe I should've talked to him, maybe we could have sorted things out. I couldn't have just left Noah though, even if I did in the end.
[[ Part 13- something ]] <-- Back
Next --> [[ Part 15- Jaycee's Blog ]]
Ok. Let's sort everything out. Back at Delaney, before Delaney even, Matty and I were best friends. I guess we grew up, drifted, or whatever. Before, though, I never really felt anything, we were just great friends. When I thought that I was going to lose him, I started like liking him. I'm not sure whether that was for real or not, or if I just felt it as a way of trying to keep us close. Obviously, it didn't work. Now, since I've moved, we've grown further and further apart, even though we're not really that far away. I kinda miss him. I haven't talk talked to him for ages. I guess I should call him�
Noah. I thought it was real. He went through one pretty bad relationship, or so I heard, and it took him ages to get over her and learn to trust again. I feel so crap that I've let him down, the first girl he's ever liked since then, the first girl he's learned to trust. I've never trusted very easily. The first main person I learned to trust was Tiyreene� then Matty. They're the only people I could trust. But Tiyreene� disappeared. And Matty? Well, I've already been there.
Just thinking about Tiyreene starts off all this old stuff. When we were five, I remember when this one time when we went to Towers with our mums, but we wandered off, thinking that we were able to look after ourselves. We walked into the lolly shop, thinking that we would pay for it all with 50c. When the lady told us that we couldn't have any of it, we realised that we had to rely on our parents a little longer, even if we did find them frustrating. I can't believe me and my parents where already at war with each other at 5!! So, since we were 5, we grew really close and spilled all of our secrets and stuff. How was I supposed to know that three years later she would go *poof*? I thought I was just supposed to live a normal life, but when she disappeared, my life just became really screwed. I felt torn in two. She knew me better than I did, you know. It's been seven years, and I still feel betrayed, almost, by her. I should feel sad, but I feel like she just tossed me aside, even though they think it was most likely a kidnapping. I just have to get over that. It's been a long time, but thinking about it now, it was probably when she went away that I slid slowly into my depression.
Back to my weird relationship problems. Noah is a great guy. He's not like any other guy I've known he doesn't care about what people think of him. Matty, on the other hand, is always worried about what people think of him, so whenever we went to the sops or something, just as friends, he would walk at least a metre away from me, just in case people thought we were together. But Noah� he's so different. I don't deserve him, but Jaycee said that he really likes me. An I really like him, I just haven't totally gotten over whatever it was I felt for Matty. Even if I wanted to be with Matty, I couldn't coz I heard he's finally gotten with Susannah.
Oh no. Dad just came home and Mum's already at it with him. They're arguing so much and I'm not sure what's really going on. All I know is that Dad's been drinking a lot and not working like he said he was. Mum's getting really stressed about every single little thing. I told her she should see a psychiatrist, and she's seriously considering it. Both of their jobs got my whole life screwed that maybe it would be better if they both quit and got new jobs. Dad's fully qualified to be a lawyer, though I have no idea what law has got to do with science, and Mum has medicine degree to fall back on. Maybe it would be better for everyone, especially Zach. He turned 9 on Friday. He went to school. He never goes to school on his birthday. When he asked Mum she asked him if he was sick. He told her no, so she sent him to school. to tell the truth, I forgot too. I felt so bad. Zach's really confused and doesn't know what's going on. He's not a little kid anymore, but no one tells him anything.
I haven't thought about so much past stuff for ages. While I'm at it, I should sort out the mess of Delaney. So, I got expelled, and it was all my parents' fault. Them and their fame. Just the beginning of their careers hitting off, and the beginning of the seriousness of this whole depression thing.
It's getting way more serious. I cut myself. Yes. I cut myself. It hurt, but let anything out. it sucks. This diary thing doesn't seem to be working and Mum's still at me about it, wanting me to open up to her. I can't tell her any of this stuff. She doesn't even know that I still think about Tiy, or that I barely talk to Matty anymore. She thinks I have heaps of friends. Little does she know.
After all this, I'm going to Matty, then Noah. I have to sort things out with them for myself. I'm going to explain my outburst to Matty and then apologise to Noah and hope he forgives me. Then, after all that, I'm going to talk to Dr. Addison, mum's colleague, who is a way better shrink than my mum.