This little girl found solace in things most children would not. She engulfed herself in books; adventures, journies, excitment...all the things that she longed for.
As this girl grew older, she came to the ocean less often, but dreamed of it more. Life busied her with trivial things. She didn't know exactly what she was doing, only that she needed to get away from here...and soon.
Days became weeks, and weeks became years.
Sadly, the girl grew weary of her life. She hated how it mangled itself with mediocrity. An overcast horizon greeted her everyday. So she decided to return to her beach. In that dawn, amidst the salty air, that girl saw her reflection in the water for the first time. After many years of longing, and feelings of uncertainty, this girl realized her reason for life. She was going to write. She was going to express her soul in ways that she had never dreamed. And in that early morning, when the waters tickled the sands, that little girl, who was now not so little anymore, found herself.
That little girl grew up a lot between those lazy beach days and now. She had seen what some would call the end of it all, and still managed to smile once and a while. Others would come to view her as lackluster, even jaded...but she wasn't...not really. She had seen a lot, though, more than most. That was probably why she was so weary. "You get used to disappointment" she used to say, "so much that it doesn't really matter after a while." She also said that "disappointment was just the warning that your expectations were too high"...she said "you can't have high expectations in a world full of people who don't remember how to care."
Some agreed with her philosophy. Many opposed it. But that didn't really matter to her. All that mattered was that she was content walking around in her own shoes...and nobody elses. Strange thing though, is that she never wore shoes all that much. Said her feet "needed the chance to be free, and who was she to deny them that right." She stepped on a nail once. Didn't fret too much about it either, despite all the blood. She was always good with handling crisis situations.
One time when she was at the beach, she heard a kid crying, I guess he had cut his knee up real bad on the rocks back where she used to sit. She took him to clean it up, put a bandage on it, and sent him on his way.
I'm sure the kid doesn't remember that. Who would, in the course of injuries that we recieve in our childhood, who can remember one form another? But she would always remember that kid. He had asked her if she was his guardian angel. She just smiled and said "no, but someday I hope to be somebody's."
She asked that boy his name before she left that day. He told her it was Billy McHall. Of course, the name of a seven year old boy didn't mean much to her at the time.
Last week she heard that his movie was nominated for three Academy Awards. Course, nobody knows if it's the same Billy McHall, but when she sees him smile, she remembers that day at the beach, and she's sure of it. Makes her pretty happy too.
But anyway, back to her writing. This girl decided she was going to find the beauty in the world, the things left untapped. She told herself that she was going to use her words, like an artist uses a paintbrush, and create a beautiful picture for all who experienced her work. She liked finding things that nobody else saw. Once when she was swimming off the coast of St. Maartin, she lifted a rock and below the coral she found a gold coin. Strange how things like that turn up. Of course, it ended up being the local currency, somebody had a pocket full and went swimming. But that didn't matter, it was exciting none the less.
Now this girl, through all of her love towards others, and need for kindness, discovered a secret, that many had yet to understand, but feared to know.
The things in life that we love the most are always taken away a little too early, because it's God's way of making us appreciate them more.
Some would think...What kind of god takes away what we love? But this girl, she knew better. She had spent many years in childhood questioning why God did things. He had taken away her family, her childhood, and her sense of self at times. But it wasn't really His doing. It was just what the future had decided was right. Whether or not she agreed, she later discovered, didn't really matter. What did matter however, was how she dealt with what she had.
We all know that life is difficult at times, sometimes not even worth it...so we think. But it is. Our existence is something that cannot ever be taken away. We may falter, we may die, but we will never cease to have existed.
That's what this girl strived for, not recognition, but understanding. She just wanted to know that she wasn't the only one in the world with her feelings and her views. That is why she wrote these poems. Not to win contests, not to impress her English professors, but simply, to express her soul. In the poetry collected on this site, we discover the soul of a poet, expressed with complete emotion and complete love. It is here that her work has been collected for all who are willing to view. But before she departs, she wants to leave you with one last thing.
...Don't measure your life by how many breaths you take, but rather, by how many times your breath is taken away.