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I moved closer to the bed. �I�m sorry. I�m sorry this is so hard for you. I don�t know what else to say. I love you, but I�m not so sure I love me. I know that sounds crazy to you. I just feel like I�ve lost me somewhere along the way and I want myself back. That�s what I was trying to explain when I said this isn�t about you.�
He looked at me without expression. �Beth, everything you do is about me. Don�t you know that? It affects me and if you�re unhappy, then I have to think it has to do with me. And I don�t know what I�ve done to make you want to leave.�
I sat on the edge of the bed and began to cry. �David, honey, you haven�t done anything. You�re you; sure, you do things sometimes that irritate the shit out of me, but I do the same. I know that. This is something I need to do for me and, hopefully, you�ll get a new and improved Beth at the end of it.�
He did the one thing I least expected then�he reached out and took my hand. �But what if I don�t want a new and improved Beth? What if I�m happy with the Beth I have right now?� |
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